The Dark Horse
by Flamegrrl
Summary: Tune in for the next exciting episode of "As Hogwarts turns gay"... (Yes, I am completely mad. I realise that) New chap, goodoh!
1. Author's note

This is a story I've been formulating on and off since I was at school. It just occurred to me at about 17 'what if I fancied one of my brother's girlfriends?' Hey it's conceivable, and I'm sure it's happened to someone!!! (Unless I'm just twisted!) Please don't be distributing without asking first. But I reckon I'm never going to get around to actually doing anything with it, so I thought I'd adapt it to a Ginny/Hermione fanfic, because there are not enough of them! And just to finally satisfy my weird creative urges. (Although I've recently decided to start posting the original drafts on fictionpress when I actually have some time) There are definitely f/f themes and action in here, so if that sort of thing is not for you, then neither is this fic. Can't say I didn't warn you. It's a huge fic at this stage, and there will be quite a few more chapters to come, because I can't say anything with one sentence that I could easily say with five, so please read, review, stay tuned and promise you'll wait for me.  
  
Flamegrrl. 


	2. A battle I can no longer win

Disclaimer: I have not, to the best of my knowledge ever snogged any of my brother's ex-girlfriends, or lusted after them even, but hey it's a big world and we all did get around a bit when younger…!

Oh yeah, and I don't own HP and co, Definitely not mine.  My cap to you, Ms Rowling.

Chapter one: A battle I can no longer win.

Hard to know where to begin as I stare at myself in the mirror before heading down to tea. Six foot at fifteen years old, this made me self-conscious and shy. Fooling around with a fellow student 3 months before I turned sixteen, making me secretive and more of what I already was. Lusting after my brother's sometime other half since the world cup 2 years ago, this just made me mental. Hair like a lit match, black and fire mingled. Freckles a plenty, skin the colour of a ghost. Covered, cosseted, treated as a baby. All these things that shape me. Times like this when I get all reflective, I can believe what my brother Bill used to say when he'd had too much mead.  "You're going to be the one Ginny. The dark horse of the family."

"Yes, we broke up. Again." She bites her lip. "I must say I'm not surprised by it though, we've nothing in common apart from a definite knack of getting into trouble, better friends than anything else really."

I look over at this beautiful girl, my brother's ex-girlfriend and almost lose my breath. I've wanted to touch that face for years, since I knew I was gay and probably before. Hell, admiring her was part of how I knew. But oh man, totally off-limits, you just don't do that. A clan bound honour thing I guess. The problem was lately she'd been spending more and more time with me, becoming one of my closest friends, seeking me out at every turn. It's nice to have a best friend, but not easy when all you can think about is snogging them, and what I thought would go away is just getting progressively worse with her constant presence. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I won't even look at her when she speaks for fear I'm gonna lunge over and plant one on her. 

"Hey," She elbows my shoulder "It's nearly Christmas, want to go find a secluded tower and drink this heartwine I've been hiding?"

"Wo, since when did miss good girl start sneaking away wine? And encouraging another student to drink it with her?" I peer over into her ear "Are you sure that's you in there?" She giggles and stands up, offering me her hand.

"Well I've recently decided that I really need to lighten up, and you, my friend need to cheer up, you've been so somber all this term. Coming?"

Like I could say anything in the negative. "Right behind you."

We're sitting so close together, my word I could just reach over and stroke her hair. But I sit on my hand to stop that particular temptation. I feel a little drunk, and she's leaning her head on my shoulder.

"So what's going on with you lately Gin? You're so quiet. And you've lost a lot of weight."

Aw crap, she has to bring this up now?

"You're not still pining over Harry are you?"

"No," I say, truthfully, yeah I'm pining alright, but not over him "Not for years. I don't know where it went but it's gone. I'd still walk through fire for him, but he's my mate, I'd do that for anyone I loved." She flashes a half pissed gappy grin over at me. I hear nothing but my rampaging hormones. 

"Hey me too?" Now I know it's affecting her as well.

"Yeah…Of course, any of you."  She stands, swaying just a bit and walks over to a battlement, motions for me to come over. It just slays me. Thundering, pounding frustration. But I go.

"You know why we broke up this time?" Oh god, I'm afraid to ask, stay quiet. 

"I think he wanted to sleep with me, and he acted like I didn't know about that Ravenclaw he was screwing. In the end I decided that if I did it wouldn't be for me, so we had another argument and broke up." My breath is so very loud in my ears. How can she not hear the deafening thumps of my heart?  She turns back to me, "But hey you never told me what was wrong before, tell me what's making you so sad." 

"Hermione, has Ron ever mentioned anything…"

"About you? No not really, but I can tell he wants to say something. This is why I'm asking now. What's wrong?"

"I don't really think you want to know."

"Well of course I do silly."  And something snaps inside me. I cannot fight this any longer. _Right then, you wanna know? Fine, I'll show you._

I place one hand on each of her shoulders and wait for her to guess, but she smiles up at me. "Well?"

"Oh fuck it Hermione _this is what's wrong." I lean down and kiss her. Not Hard, not enough to frighten, but just enough so she can't miss the fact that I want her. Before she can grasp what's happening, I break it off, knowing I couldn't bear it if she pushed me away._

"I'm sorry," Into startled, but oddly not frightened eyes. "I had to know, just once, before I die what it would be like to kiss you. Even if I never do it again, I had to know. And I'm sorry."

I think the wine's worn off now.

"You're telling me? You like _me?"_

"I don't really think it's appropriate. Even if I did." 

My body is screaming, you liar, you know you'd follow her into Hades if she asked it of you, but I've a feeling I've let too much out of my own private hell, and with a final apology, run off like a hairy rabbit.

Hermione's POV

My first stunned thought was that it was totally unfair of her to do that. And my second was, strangely that I knew. I felt like I'd known for centuries. My ex-boyfriend's sister. My Best friend. I do not believe what just happened. Or that I recall kissing her back. Just a little. Or that there's definitely a current of desire running through my veins. Why? I've never been one to speculate when I could know for sure, so before the faint taste on my lips disappears, taking all courage with it, I decide to go and find out. 

Ginny's POV

Don't ask me to explain lust, or even love, it's completely un-objective. Knowing she would find me in the dorms, I go instead to a secluded hollow in one of the hills by the lake. Here I can focus, think about what the hell I'd just done. Don't get me wrong, I'm not ashamed or embarrassed by who I am. There's no point, it is what it is. I remember last holidays, when I decided it was time for the family to know, and calmly sat them all down and went through how I felt. Poor mum.

"You won't ever wear my wedding robes?"

"Geez mum, what century are you in? I can get married too you know!"

Percy wanted to know when I knew and I tried to explain when that slow awareness began creeping up, when I would acknowledge the feelings at all.

Dad wanted to know how I knew, and while there was a fat chance I was telling him just exactly how, I tried to make him understand that there was no eureka moment, once I'd recognized what was going on in my head, I'd decided that was that, there was no point in killing myself over what I knew to be true. Even mum nodded her head in acceptance then.

I wanted them to understand that I was no different to the girl I had been before I told them, and when mum said that she admired my strength for being able to say so, the honesty to not want to hide anything from the people I loved, I knew it'd be alright. And it was. Fred and George, on the other hand were grinning from ear to ear and I think kind of hopeful I knew some "hot chicks" as they put it. And then Ron asks "Who's the lucky gal then?" Aaaack. My heart turned to ice. I wanted him to leave it alone and said so, making it quite clear that I was not seeing anyone, but he wouldn't put it down, "C'mon look at that face. You're blushing!" At which point I rose to my full height, some 3 inches taller than he, and blurted out, " I may be blushing Ron, but I do have some principles, and this is _not _something I'm prepared to discuss with you!" And Stormed off, noticing Percy looking up at me quizzically. Ok maybe it was stupid to go bouncing away like that, thankfully though, so are most of my brothers. Most. Percy came up to my room later, "Be careful Gin." I rolled over on the bed, avoiding his eyes.

"I don't know what you mean."

"You do. I'm not here to condemn you for feeling how you feel. I thought I'd noticed something last summer when she was here. All I want to say to you is don't get hurt." I rolled back and glared at him. In pain and therefore angry.

"And not inflict it either, right? Do you not think I know how wrong it is?"

"No, I meant I really don't want to see you hurt." Well that did it, I erupted into tears and Percy sat with me for hours while I tried to explain this dangerous fascination I held for Ron's on/off girlfriend.


	3. on jumping in feet first

Disclaimer: I'm old enough to know better, but this is fun!

 Apologies proffered profusely to JKR and her legal team.

Two: On the subject of jumping in feet first.

Back to my hollow. It's cool, but warmish for December, moonlight filters through the willow trees over my head. Why on earth did I do that, why? I mean, what the hell just possessed me? I bring my knees up to my chest; sink my head in my hands. I feel washed out, drained. All the hammering lust I felt before has turned to something quite different. I want to cry. What's changed? _Simple,_ a voice answers, _when you didn't know what she would feel like, you didn't miss it, but you've changed the balance of the whole equation forever and now, you great galloping idiot you're not likely to forget it. Like you planned to, remember?_

"Oh god," I whisper, head in hand "I do love her. I know I said I didn't, thought I was just suffering from a bad case of hot pants, but shit I do." I howl like I'm going to die from it, although slowly and quietly.

Hermione's POV 

I was still very, very confused about the whole situation when I found her, what exactly did it mean if I liked it? Because I _had._ I had never thought of myself that way, or any way really, my sexuality still being a bit of a mystery to me. There, but not there, things I never thought about. I don't have time to consider sex, time is for _studying. Well... I guess I'm thinking about it now aren't I? Kissing Ron was enjoyable certainly, enjoyable why however? Because I was expected to? _Or because I never knew any different? _But a little like snogging my best friend sometimes. Hang on, no. My best friend just snogged me, and it was __nothing like that. Then I saw Gin and felt like a dam burst in my belly, hunched over and weeping, my heart almost breaking at the sight of her. I _have_ to do something to make it better. So I go up behind her, plant a leg on each side and draw her into my body. She stiffens, but relaxes eventually into my arms. Given that this woman is a human giant, I feel like a Chihuahua clinging to the back of a Great Dane. If anything, the crying escalates. She does not turn around. _

 "How… how did you….?"

"Ah," I pull a long red hair from my hand and show it to her. "You left this behind. And I know an excellent tracking charm."

"Why did you come here? Why would you want to find me now?" Good question.

"I need to understand what just happened Gin. Please. I won't get mad, I could never hate you, but I need to know."  Well perfectly logical me.

"Ok," She sniffles loudly "But I want you to know that I tried, I really did, I tried so hard to make it go away. I thought if I just let it go then it would, but then you started to become my shadow and it was too hard to send you away and too hard to let you stay."

"So what went on up there?' She shrugs.

"I lost it I guess, couldn't hold it off anymore, and I'm tired, so tired of pretending, it's doing my head in Hermione, eating me away."

"Why didn't you tell me before?" I don't want to say it, but the thought of her suffering like this is giving me the most exquisite pain. Over me. Whoa. I should be a damn sight more confused than I am about that. So why am I not? A curious detachment. My best friend's a lesbian, and seems to want me, and I don't give the slightest shit. Strange.

"Oh yeah Hermione, I can just see myself going up to you and saying btw I'm gay and also I think you're hot."

"You do?!?!"

"My god woman, obviously." Ok, well I may leave that one alone for a second.

"You're really... You really…"

"Gay? Like you? Yeah. I think this is the part where you run away screaming."

"Don't be ridiculous. How did you know?" She tilts her head back to look at me,

"Are you sure you want to know this?"

"Yeah," I rasp back, the eye contact rattling me.

"About 4th year I realized I was definitely not getting into the swing of puberty, or rather I was, but relating to my brother's comments as opposed to my friends. And when 5th year started I had a fling."

"You **_what_?!"**

"I had a fling. With a 7th year. I didn't plan on it, but it sort of popped up in my face, and I was hardly going to say no. We didn't have many feelings for each other apart from getting laid, but it answered a lot of questions."

"Such as?"

"That it was real for me, right for me."

"And was it…"

"Good? Hell Yes, but weird, out of place. There were as I said no feelings involved, she's a straight girl at heart and I fear I was a bit of something different. It was good, but not what I want."  Now I'm really confused, by what Ginny's just said, she's coming right out and telling me she doesn't want to just shag me. And damn it all it if don't_ need to know why._

"Do you love me?' Oh no baby, _baby?_ Don't cry again. I'm becoming more aware of my arms around her middle, her heat radiating through my chest. There's a deep pulse beginning way, way down below, and while I don't get why, it's there. Like it was always there. And making itself felt something awful.

"You're my brother's ex-girlfriend for crying out loud!" Now she's openly sobbing "What do you think I am?!" Great heart-wrenching gulps.

"Do you want me?" Because I have to know.

"Please don't _do this to me!" A whimper._

"Do you?" She sighs, beaten, and hisses in a tight low voice.

"Yes! Goddammnit! Are you happy now?  Yes. Christ I'm an asshole."

"Good," I lie back, having made my decision, she turns and leans over me.

"Huh?" I pull her down.

"Because I do too."


	4. I like to mess with your minds!

Heehee it was evil of me to leave you all hanging like that I know. But I'm a bastard at times!! Seriously, I've just found a few things I want to correct before continuing onto the next chap. I mean, that is if you _want_ me to keep going. So what do you reckon folks? Wanna know what happens next? Hmmn? I'll try and post sometime tonight (early morning 4/23 for those who live above the equator) I should be done by then. And I _am_ a bastard. Sorry!


	5. When the stars came down

Disclaimer: I get covered in food for a living. Do you think I'd still be doing that if I owned HP etc etc?

I also really, really hate this word, but seeing as how everyone seems to be using it… (Breaks into song) It's getting slashy in here, so take off… Ta Dada! You were warned!!!

3: When the stars came down.

Ginny's POV

_Fallout…_

_Meltdown…_

_In your breath_

_You breathe_

_Me clear_

_Lie me here_

_Hands down_

_Eyes down_

_Beside me here_

_I hold your fingers when you sleep_

_And I will cover you with my dream_

_Kiss with treasures_

_Treasures light_

_Bury our secret_

_On my chin, the sweetest sin_

It starts to rain lightly, washing away the stain of my guilt, as we make love, fiercely and silently. Rinsing me clean. I have never known anything like this before. I feel like I'm praying, nothing at all resembling when Jennifer used to touch me. Do you think I'm in control? Oh no baby I'm giving away the last of the few defenses I had left. She's liquid silk and nectar. A soft gasp and I really could have died, died joyfully, a gift of my love as she came on my mouth, and I feel as if I could drown in it, this I know, I know. I will never want anything else. Oh God. I won't scream her name as she closes in on me. Draw it in. Heaven or hell, I want you so. Bite my tongue. There's nothing I could deny you. Bite harder. Worlds are colliding here and I'm intensely, totally silent, conscious of being inside a sphere where it's only her and I, shutting out all else.

_She's got me, on such a tenterhook_

_It makes me feel, so dangerous_

_You make me feel, so reckless_

Hermione's Pov

"You're shaking. Are you cold?" I draw my robe up to cover us. Her head on my breast as I gaze up at the brilliant night sky. Ginny doesn't reply initially, but eventually, after several deep breaths…

"No. I'm frightened."

"Of what we've started? Or getting hurt?"

"Both. And of causing hurt. Don't forget about that."  I want, peculiarly, to swear loyalties to the magnificent creature trembling in my arms. Where is this coming from?

"He nearly found out last term you know. How I felt." Why doesn't this bother me?

"How?"

"When I came out to them all last year. He asked me if I fancied anyone."

"And you said?" It hits me like a fist in the stomach. _I know…_

"Nothing of course. I blew up defensively and bolted. Percy came up later to tell me he knew."

"And to be careful right? That's what he'd say." She's dropping little bombs all over the place that should be disturbing me immensely and I don't care, I don't care at all.

"Uhuh." __

"So, Ron has known for a good six months you were gay and just stood back? Watched us become closer and closer?" She almost smiles.

"Well when you put it that way."

"He must at least subconsciously wonder."

"I suppose."

I shake my head and stretch like a cat. "He asked me, start of term to keep an eye on you, said you had some issues to deal with and thought you needed a friend."

"Shit I knew they'd get all over-protective if I told them."

"Hang on, you did need a friend. You came back so sad, never talking, and then you got real intense and distant all of a sudden." It makes sense now, why.

"That's when you had your fling!" A snort of laughter.

"Heh, guilty. That's why I was never around."

"But that was only 4 months ago! So that means…"

"She's still here? Yes, but it's over. She's gone off with a new boyfriend. It ended quite amicably." And damn it, I think I'm jealous.

"Who?..." She lifts a finger to my lips.

"Don't ask it's only going to make life more complicated." I kiss her hand, but she lies back down. "And I've a feeling it already is Hermione, I don't know what we've done here."

Ok, well we had to discuss it sooner or later.

"I, I can't explain it Gin, when you kissed me. I liked it. It was… it was like it was the way it should be. Perfect. Then you took off and I found myself needing to find you."

"There's your knack for getting into trouble then. Can't leave anything alone."

"Well yeah," I want to ask her what she'd have done. Stood there and let it go? But she's smiling and I know my leg's getting pulled.  "The idea of you in that much pain ripped my heart out. I mean it _hurt. That was enough reason for me to have to find you; I needed to understand where the urge came from."_

"Christ I'm sorry. I should never have said what I did!" She sounds angry at herself now "Or did what I did. I shouldn't have put you in that position."

"No. Listen to me; you are not going to blame yourself for this. Ginny that was beautiful. Don't you understand? What's confusing me is that I'm not confused. It's, uh, it's kind of like it was always there. And I wasn't surprised or scared. Like I knew. Like coming home." Our eyes lock. "Real." Her head is on my shoulder now, her arm around my waist, but in a totally non-sexual way. I know she wants to touch me again, and I'd be quite pleased to let her. No misgivings. I want this. My breathing shifts a gear, but she sits up, reaching for her robes.

"I better go."

"No."

"Look I don't want to put any pressure on you, and you are going to need time alone to work out what just happened." She laughs "And you've got this odd effect on me when you're naked."

I can't help it, I moan loudly. She turns back immediately, worried.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"Do you have any idea what that sentence did to me?"

"Hermione!" She sounds exasperated "You can't just be transformed into an instant lesbian!"

"Well why not? Who made you the authority? And why the fuck do you have to put a label on yourself anyway?" _Fuck?! I just said that? That came out of my mouth? Whoa._

"But, but… ah shit!" She puts the robe down.

"Excellent, clothes on ground again. Your defenses are crumbling."

"Good lord that happened years ago. I just don't, I just want you to be clear about this."

"But I am. Here and now."

"And I don't want to get hurt, more than I probably have been already. I don't want to be your experiment."

"I know," I say solemnly. She's so vulnerable, so fragile, and it's beautiful. How can I make her understand?

"I'm not sure yet what exactly this is to me, but you're not an experiment. You're not."

"You say that now because you're still horny."

"Aren't you?"

"Arrgh don't distract me, look if I leave now and we never do this again, I may just get my life back together by my 20's. I don't want to go, but I'm afraid to stay. I really don't want to get hurt, and we've caused it, you know we have."

I understand the words of warning, I do, but part of me's saying yeah yeah I know we have, but I just know it's not going to be as bad as she thinks it will. Besides I'm absolutely burning up down here.

"Ginny," I reach out my arm "Don't go."

It's different this time. She's slower and I can feel every curve of this spectacular body beneath me. She holds my face tightly, kisses me for what seems like hours, until I feel my blood has turned to warm chocolate._ Where has this been all my life?_ Feather tip fingers stroking, seeking, a nail channeling down my spine, around my thigh.  The sensation is beyond words. But I want something else; roll her on top of me. 

"You'll get squashed." She pants.

"What a way to go. It's okay, I won't." Yes, she's heavy, but it's _unbelievable_. Suddenly, it's on and I've no patience left and precious little control.

"Come on damn it woman, where's your leg? Come on, come on, and move with me." I grasp her hips, move my leg up; she looks down at me stunned.

"Who _are you? And what have you done with Hermione?" __I'd like to know that myself._

"Come _on." Finally. It's the most sensuous feeling. Oily smoothness. Gulping. Pulling her forward. Gasping. Pushing her back. "Move with me." She does. Wow, now this was what I had in mind. I can't explain why I want it so much. __ The inferno under my hands on your molten back; you're a lynx, a finely tuned taut-skinned animal. I need her to cover me, to watch her expression. I can see in every inch of her how much she keeps from me, how shy and scared she is and it's melting everything I thought I knew. Keep me with you, I'm so close, I need you to come with me. She buries her face in my neck, arches her back._

"Hermione…baby," A hoarse liquid whisper "I'm going to…" My body quite agreeably complies as she collapses on me.

"Baby..." I murmur back into the silence of our thunderous breathing.

The first lyrics are from a song called 'Fallout' which I had on when writing the first part of this, if you think it _sounds_ appropriate, you should hear it! Perfect for that paragraph. Anyway it's from a cd 'Pink Pills' by an Australian band, the mavis's

The second lyrics are from the other song I was listening to at the time. "Reckless" From a cd called "Weddings play sports and falcons" I know, however that it was a cover so I don't know who to acknowledge for it.


	6. Dancing close to the fire

Disclaimer: I have far too much time on my hands. They shouldn't let me have this many holidays you know, I mean look what I end up doing! 

Don't worry JKR I'll de-gay the girls before I hand your creations back to you. Just playing!

Ginny's POV

_She's an ethereal beauty, kisses transcending a passion that is by no means spent yet, I could live wholly and solely off making love to this woman. Every nerve ending ablaze as we make our forest escape. Driving rain. Her hand in mine, I want to capture this night forever, so I can take it out again when the world's going mad and I'm cold. I need to be able to believe that she could have wanted me, if only for this moment, as much as I crave her. But reality is often ugly, I've learned that much. I can't let this see the light of day; we have to dissect it now._

"Since we've both lost our minds, could I ask you a question?"  We're back in the common room, staring into the fire. Steaming cups of tea on the table before us. Even Ron could come down now and simply see two friends having a midnight chat. Perfectly innocent, never mind that she just fucked me senseless in the freezing rain, or that every now and then she brushes my face, touches my leg.

"Hmmn?"

"What happens now?" She sighs, but doesn't sound worried.

"I don't know," She takes a sip and looks over at me "You remember what you said before? About if we never did this again?" My heart just stops. Oh God no.

"Um, yeah."

"Well I don't guess I was thinking too logically at the time, but now I don't think I could stand it if we didn't." Puts the mug back down. "Tell you the truth, I'm wondering how I'm ever going to find the strength to go to my dorm and sleep, knowing you're a floor down."

"God, it'd be so good to wake up next to you." It's probably too much, but I reckon she's got a pretty good idea of how I feel anyway. Oh that lightening smile again.

"Wouldn't it be?" And she takes my hand.

"Ach, shit we have to stop this before I decide that I'm gonna whisk you off to the hollow again."

"If you talk about that place any more, I'm going to demand to be taken." We both start laughing.

"Here's me trying to have a serious conversation, and all we're doing is getting worked up."

"Does it have to be though Gin? Serious?" Please please please let her not be talking about us.

"I guess it depends." Cautiously.

"What I mean is perhaps we're in danger of over-analyzing the whole situation. It _happened, it's done. As much as I never thought of us doing that, it was the most wonderful thing I've ever experienced. How hard do we need to make it?"_

"You wanna go with the flow?"

"In a way. We go on Christmas break tomorrow. I should imagine that a week without hormonal distractions would help us both to decide what we're going to do."

I want to take her in my arms and tell her I don't need a week to decide what I know now, and that the thought of spending a week apart is almost more than I can take. But she's right, for my family, for her, for me. What if she changes her mind? Agony, and I notice she's looking at me funny.

"Don't freak out Gin, I'm not planning on coming back and saying well that was great but…"

"You're not?" I croak.

"I know you have feelings for me. I don't want to put a name to them, not until I can name whatever it is I have for you."

"You have feelings for _me?" She chews her lip thoughtfully._

"Yeah, I think I might. Lord the things I nearly said to you out there." I grin.

"Hmmn, dammed hormones again probably."

"That's my point. I need to be a bit more focused, and a lot less horny. But there is something more there and I'm not going to understand _what_ that is when all I can think about is jumping on you." Ouch. I grimace.

"Are you ok?"

"Do you have any idea what _that sentence did to me?" _

"Ah, you see what I mean?"

"You're right. I don't want you to owl me though." She looks hurt.

"You don't?"

"For the same reasons. Look I think you know how I feel, but I also want you to know how you feel." I pull her over into my shoulder. "Oh it'll be bloody hard though."

"Harder than saying good night now?'

"Actually I was thinking about that. Is there any barrier to us just staying here all night? We could sleep a little if you want, but I can't seem to get up and leave you right now."

"It could make life interesting if we got found like this though." She snuggles into me. Bliss.

"How about this way?" I get up and sit on the opposite end of the couch, placing our feet in the middle so they're just touching. "Better?"

"Yes." She looks tired. "See you in a few hours?"

"You betcha." Almost too hard to go to sleep and leave her, but I'm worn out, physically and emotionally. I try to fix one thought permanently into my brain. _Even if just for this moment, she wanted me._

_C'mon it's nearly three, you better go_

_I don't know why you came here so_

_If there's just one thing before you leave_

_ I need to ask 'cos I've got to believe_

_That you'll remember on a night like this_

_I never asked for anything_

_Will you remember when you held me tight_

_And I shook a bit but didn't fight_

_Then if, you find_

_You might need someone to hold the light_

_Bring me along, I'll walk in time_

_And I'll help you sleep tonight_

I knew it wasn't going to be easy, even so the next morning when we helped each other pack and barely spoke, when she didn't even attempt to kiss me once through all the time we were alone together, I thought I'd die. She seemed to want my company, but not to talk. When we got to the train and saw Ron and Harry standing there, I felt I understood, she'd been steeling herself for seeing him. Miss practical was gonna take over sooner or later. Christ, I wish I had thought to do that. His face like a thundercloud, still angry at her for the other day, and Harry wanting to come over, smiling apologetically. The instant I saw him I felt a crushing weight of guilt and shame, and would have bolted but for the firm grip on my arm. "Don't" 

I looked down at her and saw that she actually looked composed, "I know this will be difficult, and I'm starting to realize that it's going to be harder on you, but you'll get through it, _we'll_ get through it." Leads me forward, "Come, let's go find a seat." The boys had turned and boarded already, Ron looking back once or twice in pure exasperation, but stubborn like us all, refusing to make the first move. For now. I knew he hated to lose at anything, and he would try to get her back, if only to prove he could. Regardless of the fact that he was banging another student. I mean I love him, but he's such an asshole sometimes. And that wouldn't necessarily make anything easier, he'd either be furious at me for what I'd done with someone he does care for, or pissed that I'd succeeded where he'd failed. Hey, that's the way his macho mind works. I certainly don't see it that way. 

We found a small compartment right up the end of the train and sat in silence. Hermione slept on and off, cat on lap, while I stared out the window, mixed feelings making me crazy. She sat on the opposite side to me, never once reaching for my hand or touching me at all, though she did smile over at me occasionally, and I found myself willing to grasp at any small crumb she felt like offering.

_But the devil said, **where's your pride?**_

_Where's your self-respect?_

_Don't you remember the fight_

_Before you were a beggar?_

_And the angel said come on baby, come on baby…_

_But now I know_

_Come on baby, lock up baby…_

 When we got to the station she turned to her parents and stood on my foot quite hard. I was about to ask what the hell that was for when I heard her tell them she'd like to go to the bathroom first, and I got it.

"I think I should as well actually, drank too much juice at breakfast" Never mind that I hadn't eaten. I looked at my clan, indicated I'd be back shortly, and followed without a word.

"I didn't hurt your foot?" She pulls me into the furthest cubicle and locks the door. 

"No."

"Sorry about that, sorry about today. I know you think I've been ignoring you."

I raise an eyebrow at her. "And you haven't been?"

"Well I was a bit, but before you get mad, there's a reason you see."

"Oh?"

"Yes," She leans up to me "I've been thinking about your Christmas present." What?

"Hermione, you don't have to get me anything."

"I think I do, in fact I _want to give this to you." A wry smile._

"Huh?" That's when she grabs me and kisses me lingeringly, then with deeper force, and I can feel the heat rising from the tips of my toes. All too soon she rests back against my chest.

"Merry Christmas Gin." 

"Merry Christmas Herm." Oh wow. I can't breathe.

"Hey we'd better go."

"Yeah I know," She unlocks the door "Absolutely no owls?"

"No. Think, and not just with your loins."

"Spoilsport."

"Uhuh"

_And I think that I can breathe now_

_It's not goodbye, it's not goodnight_

_Not the first time that I've come here_

_But I never saw it right, until last night._

 We start to walk back.

"Are you going to tell anyone?"

"Not yet. Hell I want to tell the world but not until we know what we're doing."

"Not even Ron?"

"Especially not him, I want to throttle him for the way he treated you, but I'm not telling him over Christmas. And I need time to reconcile how guilty I'm feeling before I do."

"Don't pretend it doesn't take two Gin. I was part of this as well." We're almost back to our respective families.

"I know it. God this is where we say goodbye I guess." She chuckles,

"Well I know what I'd prefer to remember as our goodbye. How about you?"

"Can't deny that." With a final longing glance into deep dark eyes I turn and walk over to my mum, but it takes every ounce of my strength to do it. A whole week, oh gee I'm not going to live through this. 

The three lyrics are taken from my own songs. Therefore…Touchy Die!!! Mine, ok?

Anyway the first was from 'On a night like this.' another of those things I write but never do much with. And the second from 'The deep blue me' a similar story. Thirdly from 'Breathing at three' What can I say? I get flashes of inspiration and then I get lazy! Plus I can't sing for toffee!


	7. Downpour

Disclaimer: I found a white hair this morning. A white hair!!! God, that's not fair, I'm not that old!!! So you see I have more important things to worry about than convincing people I'm not JKR, and besides if you thought I was you're probably 97 years old with a head full of those damned white hairs! Aaaaaaarrggh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Runs off to try and locate a time turner someplace)

PS. Does everyone know what a hangover is? (Because if you don't you should not be reading this!) The horribly shitty way I feel right now is because of the really cool way I felt last night! It's the reason the last chapter was in my mind, a little weird! (Note to self. It's not a good idea to do last minute editing and chapter posting when you get home from the pub)

Sorry about that peoples! I mean I'm sure it wasn't that bad but it wasn't my best either! That first bit just bugs me. I got all swampy and gushy! Anyway apologies and on with the show…

5: Downpour

My father had managed to procure a car from god knows where this time, but I couldn't face being in there with all the boys, so I damn well insisted on scoring the front seat. And that kind of makes sense anyway when you consider that I'm taller than anyone else here. 

"Alright then Molly, you drive" Dad says amiably. "I'll jump into the fray back here."

"Nice term dear?" Mum pipes once we're underway. I continue with the thousand yard stare.

"It was alright."

"You look tired." _Well shit mum I wonder why? Already there's a heavy sense of separation. _I wish I could feel you, see what you're doing. Are you thinking about me?_ And it occurs to me that none of this is mum's fault and I shouldn't be taking it out on her. I give her a half-assed smile._

"I suppose I am a bit. Too much studying." _Yes intent studies of a certain person's butt naked body. Aaaaargh, I have to stop that. I will drive myself bananas._

"Maybe you should rest when you get home."

"Thanks mum, I think I will." _In fact I can guarantee that you won't see me until dinner, I'm gonna lay on my bed all day and fret._

Sure enough, that's exactly what I do. I can't even eat when I'm called to tea, one look at Ron smiling and laughing with Harry and my brothers like everything was _normal just had me fuming, but also I felt devastating shame. No matter how much of a dick he was being, did he deserve one of his own siblings to sleep with his ex-girlfriend? The woman always on the periphery of his life? _My life too though and_ __wait up, she wanted to sleep with me. Even so, it would not be a thing which he'd forgive easily. I mean he'd be angry if it was Fred or George or even Harry, that whole proprietary boy issue, but he'd get over it eventually. I know, I totally know it won't be that way with me. I feel like I've chosen love over my family, admirable in some cases, but when you're as tight-knit as us? To me it's as if I've betrayed them all. What happened to that pure sensation of light, coursing through me less than 24 hours ago? I excuse myself from dinner, go back upstairs and cry. It's all I seem to be doing lately._

_Are you lying there naked, under the blue?_

_Are you thinking about it, well tell me,_

_Hey now are you?_

_And every steps a wait_

_A weightless weight until the day rolls 'round again _

Mum demands that I come down for breakfast the next morning, Christmas Eve, all I manage is a mug of tea and half a piece of toast. The boys go off haring round the yard, presumably on broomsticks, but they could fling gnomes at each other for all I care. I get up to go back to my room, and write down all the things I would say if I was going to owl Hermione. Mum grabs my arm. What is it with me that everyone has to keep doing that right now?__

"I think we should talk Ginny. What's wrong?" I know my face is pinched and weary, so in a way I'm surprised it's taken her this long to confront me, but I'll avoid it if I can.

"Nothing mum, honestly, just a long term. I guess I'm still tired." She shakes her head. _Nice try kiddo._

"No, Something _is wrong, come I'll make you a snack and you can tell me all about it. "_

I'm like a prisoner being drawn to the chair. Knowing I have to tell her, it has to come out, but feeling the guilt settle in my stomach like a stone. Sit, deep Breath. 

"Whatever it is it can't be as hard to tell me as your last bit of news..."

I look into the caring eyes of my mother. _You don't know the half of it._

"Ok."  How can I tell this trusting loving face what I've done?  I hang my head.

"This is so tough, I, I, Just don't know how to say it."

"Try just saying it all at once my love, don't give yourself time to think about it."

"Well you remember last holidays? What I told you?"

"That's not a thing I'd forget Ginny."  Alright then here goes.

"There's this person mum, someone I know, someone I've known for ages and she's um... She's, well the other night we got talking and I don't know how it happened but, I think I might be, I mean I feel like I … anyway we went up to the tower to celebrate Christmas and I didn't mean to but I kissed her because I wanted to for so long, as long as I can remember and then I ran off and she found me and we…um, well we sort of…"

"You slept together?"

"**_Mum!"_ My grief, I've gone purple, I'm sure of it.**

"Oh honey, it does happen when you're a teenager, I do remember what it was like to be one. Although I would have hoped for you it would be later on. Sixteen is so young."  Right then you're not finding out about how I was shagging a 7th year when I was fifteen. An unbidden tear rolls down my cheek.

"That's not all is it?"

"No," I whisper hoarsely "I'm pretty sure I'm in love. And it's not possible."

"I know love can seem impossible at your age, and maybe more so for you right now, but it can work." She holds my hand "Whew, that's not nearly as bad as I imagined it would be."

"There's more. And it is bad."

"Well we can get to that in a minute, calm down a little. Tell me about this woman."

I look at my hands that held her face only two nights ago and smile a bit with the memory, feel some of that strength flowing back into me.

"She's amazing mum, she's beautiful and smart and caring, and really funny, although most people wouldn't think so, but I see it. She makes me laugh, makes me feel like nothing else."

My mother's brow is wrinkled with mingled worry and amusement as she looks over at me.

"Sweetie I'm afraid I don't quite understand what's so terrible about this. I appreciate that it would be hard to tell us about your first girlfriend, but what's really wrong? Her family?"

"No. At least not that I know of."

"She isn't gay?"

"I don't know, I think it was a bit of a shock to her what happened, she tends not to notice anything unless you shove it in her face, but she seems to be dealing with it better than me. She even wanted to write to me this week but I told her not to, told her to think about it until we got back."

"Ah, so you're afraid she'll change her mind then?" _well yeah, but…_

"I'm just as afraid she won't."

"Look sweetie you're killing yourself with suspense here. Stop dancing around and blurt it out. Like you did before." Oh God. I can't hold it back, it seems like all I've done for the past 3 days is cry and I do so again.

"Mum, she's, I shouldn't have even kissed her! She'd been seeing someone else but they broke up and I know this person will try to get her back and I couldn't sit still and let it happen for them all I could think about was selfishly how much I wanted her. And I feel so _guilty_!!!" I wail, in absolute floods of tears now. A small spark of recognition's beginning in her eyes.

"Oh dear, this other party, you know them well?" _well gee mum, only by birth._

"You could say that," Huge sniffle "He's not going to ever, ever forgive me."  I can see my mother tottering on the edge of getting it.

"He?"

"Uhuh."  

"Gin," Very softly, very delicately. "Gin, what's her name?" 

"Well you see it's……"  There's a storm behind us. The boys back from play. My brother's loud voice. 

"1 day, 1 whole day and not one owl, you'd almost think I was loosing my touch."

"Oh yeah?" Harry banters back, "Poor Ron the player, Ladies and gentlemen the man with 2 girlfriends and bitching because one hasn't owled him. And you broke up already for heaven's sake. I mean can't you stop going on about it, what the hell did you expect her to do when she found out about Amy?" 

Mum, oh mum hasn't even glanced at them, hasn't taken her eyes of my mortified face. She stares intently at me and I know she knows. I look back at her fully expecting anger or disgust or _anything_ but the pity and re-assuring love I see.

"I can't do this now mum."  If all I'm doing lately is crying and running away, I elect that they are both still very good options. Leaving three confused but concerned people in my wake.

Lyrics taken from 'breathing at three' again.

And you know how I said I was on holidays? Well I got to go back to work as of Sunday (Saturday for most of you) So I won't be able to post every day like I have been, but I will try to do it as often as possible. Stay with me here, I've a bit more to say.


	8. Separation Anxiety

Disclaimer: I wish my family had been this cool when I was sixteen!!! And on and on and on I don't own HP, Never did, never will.

Hermione's POV

You would think, wouldn't you that I'd be adept at dealing with the unexpected by now. The past five and a half years have seen me always deep in some sort of mystery, getting up to a million things that definitely weren't in the rule book. Then Ginny comes along, takes the rule book out of my hands and throws it into the fire. And for my whole existence, not just for school. I want to be disturbed and confused by the past 2 days, but I can't, it's just not there. A lifetime of logic and cautious steps shattered, as if by magic. It's so damned _ironic. But it was superb; I meant everything I said to her, and when we were brought together in that hollow, I knew it was the missing key I'd never felt the lack of before. _But I do now, keenly. _She'll be wringing her hands at this very moment, wondering about me, worrying about how to break it to her family, driving herself insane with a burden we should be sharing. Ginny seems prepared to let it all go, breaking her own heart if that was the only way not to cause __me undue harm. __She wants to protect me, she acts like it's all her fault and I should be spared. I think she loves me, she wants me, I know that, and I want her to. _Talk about right out of left field._ _She loves me, she does._ And it feels so fine. _

I'm lying on my bed, looking out the window at the late-coming first snow. We should be out there you know, throwing it at each other, laughing and not feeling like we've just committed the worst kind of sin. But I don't think I feel that way. What concerns me is that I'm sure she does. And I want to protect her too, I want to gaze on that lovely face and tell her to stop punishing herself, that it'll be alright. A sharp tap on my window, an owl I don't initially recognize. I open it enough for the owl to come in, stare at the handwriting. _Not Ginny's. Whose?  Read the contents slowly. Mrs. _Weasley?_  Well this is not what I'd been expecting. Read on. _Oh shit no Ginny don't do this to yourself._ I finally recognize the owl, and thank the stars silently that Gin has at least one brother with a brain._

"Hermes… Hi." I breathe, before setting down, quill in hand to the task before me. _I will make this right._

Ginny's POV

About 6 hours later, after a dinner delivered to me that I didn't eat Hermes arrives on my bed. My mother not having worked as fast as I would have thought. Because I knew she'd get involved. And that almost certainly meant Percy would get involved. Hoping to hell and back she's been subtle, but knowing my mum not counting on it.  Still, greedy fingers can't open it fast enough.

_What's going on? I get this owl telling me I should mail you, that you're upset. Your mum was a bit sketchy on details but I get the impression something big's gone down. Are you ok? Half of me is really hoping you haven't told anyone and the other half's saying bring it on. Of course I know you said you weren't going to tell Ron, but did you tell your mum? I mean it's alright, god she could force info out of a dementor, but Ginny are you really ok? I don't want to say too much now, I know I promised to think and not just get horny again, but I have been thinking, and I miss you. I think._

"Sorry Hermes," I whisper and hastily scrawl a reply.

_Yeah I told her. Sorry. She kinda' wrung it out of me, as she can do you know? Don't worry there've been no fireworks yet. I anticipated fire and brimstone and to be cast out of the family, but I actually think she might just understand. I didn't ask her to owl you so please don't think I put her up to it. Mum wouldn't be mum without a great deal of interfering. See you soon._

_P.S: I've thought of little else, and I do miss you. A lot._

I lie back and try to read when Hermes, bless his little cotton socks arrives again, not only with a letter but a small parcel as well. He looks tired but waits patiently for any reply.

_Hopeless aren't we? Look I wanted to give you something. It seemed like the thing to do. Don't get mad at me and don't wear it if you don't want to. But if you're ever thinking of me (although I must say that the thought of you not thinking of me at this moment is scarier than almost anything I can imagine) (and don't ask me to explain that! I can't just yet) Maybe if you wear this you'll know if I am too. No enchantments, I swear. Plain old superstition. I'll see you next week?_

_Merry Christmas_

_H _

Inside the parcel is a matt silver necklace. Austere, but beautiful. I put it on and feel an instant connection to her that leads all the way down to my groin. _Why am I killing myself? I love her. I didn't ask for it. But I do, and I can't say I don't. It doesn't matter anymore how weird, or wrong or plain stupid it is, I'm gonna make it happen. Resisting the urge to write back with dumbass love platitudes I grab my present, which was going to be sent tomorrow with the others, and write back._

_You'll see me next week, and I'll see you also. Hermione my gift to you is to ask you not to be frightened of anything you can imagine. There has not been a second these past days when I haven't thought about your smile or your eyes, or the way you kissed me goodbye. So again, I miss you._

_G_

_And Merry Christmas yourself..._

I wrap her other gift, a small perfect rose I dried last winter and framed, send the poor owl on his way. It's four in the morning when I'm woken by his soft hooting. Another letter?!

_Don't write back. I don't want to kill Hermes. I only wanted to be honest and say that I'm finding it hard to concentrate on anything but your face. Even if it's come in out of the blue for me, I guess this is only going to be as hard as we make it isn't it? Think of me tomorrow. Because I know I'll be wishing I could be with you.  See you in 5 days._

I feel a fierce exultant happiness. I could sing, I could dance, and I could just fall asleep because I'm fucking exhausted, but I kiss Hermes on his feathery cheek.

"Go to sleep my friend, I promise to shower you with owl treats for ever and ever."

He hoots softly and flies away, I fall on my bed grinning broadly and feeling better than I have in months. _ Oh boy, I think she might just want me too._

Christmas passed fairly normally for our clan, lots of eating, shouting and male bonding. I ate a decent meal for the first time in days, but diligently avoided spending any time alone with Ron. Mum comes to me. I'm smiling over at the one willow in the backyard, recalling.

"You look better."

"I feel better. Thank you"

"For?" She smiles slightly, feigning innocence.

"Aw you know, for interfering."

"I was not interfering young lady."

"Yeah mum, you were, but that's ok. It helped. Poor Hermes is knackered though."

"So what happened?" 

"I think we're going to roll with it. I know it'll be hard. He has to know. But not today." 

"You're avoiding your brother," I sigh.

"I know mum, but I promised myself I wouldn't tell him now. I promised. And if I spend too much time with him, I will." I could use a little solitude, I wanna go and sit under the tree and read gushy poetry. Mum leans up to me, grinning.

"What's that?" Pointing to my neck. "A love bite?"

"Of sorts, I suppose. Heheh, a metallic one maybe." And she's looking at me like she's just grasped the simple truth I've known for ages.

"Ginny, you do, don't you?"

"I kind of always have mum. I think what's clinching it for me now is that when I think about her, I'm not thinking of the other night. I'm wishing fervently that I could wake up next to her. Just once. To feel like we should be together today and every other day." I run my hands through my hair and exhale deeply. "So if that's not love, then I don't know what is." Mum looks, well she looks _pleased. Bizarre. She kisses my cheek._

"In that case my sweet, maybe you are. Be strong. There's a difficult path ahead for you both, and I hope you find it worth the pain that morning you do get to wake up beside her." I catch the tiniest glint of mischief in my mother's eye. Ah, I'm far too contented right now to ask what she's up to. So I go and sit under the tree and read gushy poetry.

The night before we go back I'm almost feeling my old self again. Eating like a horse, even making jokes with the boys and Harry. I decide to take a bath around 11. Can't sleep, every time I try I see her, reminded I will be for real in the morning. _How's it going to be? What's it going to feel like? And I'm not tired when I make my way back to my room, but certainly much more relaxed. Blink once, twice, there's a vision on my bed smiling up at me.___

"I'm afraid I couldn't wait until tomorrow."

Eeew I went back to work today. Once more into the breach my friends! Erk a breach of whining customers and up to my armpits in food again. I sound like I hate my job don't I? No, I like doing what I do, I worked hard enough to get here, but I'm just on a bit of a downer because it was cool having time off and reality has barged it's way back in again, so I thought I'd share that with everyone! 

And on the note of sharing… Hey guys? How about some reviews over here? I promised myself I would never bring that up, but hey I was born in June and I _am a chef so I _do_ have just a little ego!!! Heheheheheh! Please? Pretty please with a bit of honey on top? I'll let you borrow this really cool t shirt I bought one Mardi gras with a nice naughty message!!!_

(And if that doesn't work how about sympathy I mean I am (age deleted to protect the innocent) in a month or so, so take pity on someone who's feeling positively ancient right now!)

And also (yes I can talk underwater, trust me I tried once!) to goodgirlsbadboys. Yeah I have thought about doing what you suggested once or twice but I'm not altogether sure how to go about doing that, and I guess I feel kinda' funny about the whole thing. My work is so personal in places that it's hard to bring it out into the open if you know what I mean. It took me over a decade to finally do something with this story! But I must offer my heartfelt thanks for you suggesting that in the first place. Thank you lots.


	9. Affirmation

Disclaimer: It's after 2am, I just got home from work, there's a cat snuffling about in my laundry basket trying to get to my work clothes, I really need a shower, and I'm trying to convince myself to get up and cook something decent to eat. Do I sound like the richest woman in Britain to you? Thought not.

I stood in the doorway for what must've been minutes and just gaped at her. Surely I'm dreaming, you can't just conjure someone up like this simply by wishing for it. She cocks her head up at me as if to say 'are you going to come in or not?'

"Hermione?" I shut the door, and sit next to her, stunned. "How?"

"Aren't you even going to kiss me hello?"

"Hell yes!" I put my arm around her, and the feeling's back, just like that. This is so good. So true. And it's slow as opposed to passionate, satisfying my heart first, but exactly as I remembered. Nose to nose, she looks into my eyes. "Can I say it now Gin? I missed you?"

"Really?" I want to weep again, from pure joy for a change.

"Yeah." She holds my hands in her lap. "Like you would _not_ believe. I guess I realized I have some definite feelings for you too. Even if I didn't know what they were before."

"Oh god Hermione me too, I…" 

"Yes?"

"I missed you like I'd miss breathing."

"Better kiss me again then." Well I can do that. A soft knock on the door.

"That would be your mum. She's been quite instrumental in bringing this about."

"Yeah how _did you get here?"_

"Shh." She smooches me quickly. "Your mum can explain." I open the door and mum glides in, closes it behind her, sits at my desk. "Surprised?"

"Just slightly."

"You, young lady, owe your father a huge hug, or a huge breakfast. I don't think he'd mind which, come to think of it you better do both."

"Will someone please tell me what's happening here?"

"Do you remember what you told me on Christmas day? About all you wanted at that moment?" A rush of warmth I'm almost ashamed of. _She knows I said that?_

"Yeah." Hermione and mum exchange conspiratorial glances.

"Well I thought we'd make that happen for you. It might be the only chance for a long while."

"But, but how?" 

"Your dad went to see my parents on Christmas night," Hermione chimes in,

"Your _parents?! I… what?"_

"Hush, it's ok. Well they were kind of shocked at first, but heavens it's not the strangest thing I've brought home to them over these years at school, and they do love me, and want me to be happy."

"You'd be happy with _me?" Shit, did I say that out loud?  I try to sound stern._

"Stop. Now. Both of you. Far too many surprises for one day." Hermione totally ignores me.

"And asked them if I wanted to travel with you to school, that he'd be glad to take me along in a couple of days."

"How can you stay here tonight, I mean what about the morning and all the boys and…"

She puts a finger to my lips. "So he had our fireplace connected pretty illegally, and here I am"

"You two will have to rise early," Mum again "Then Hermione can go straight to the alley and wait there for a few hours before making her way to the station where she will meet us at 10."

"Uh." My head is spinning, she's here, and here with our parent's blessing? _It shouldn't be this easy; something's got to go wrong. I'm not ungrateful, I'm just a pessimist. But I think of all the trouble they've gone to and resolve to make dad huge breakfasts for the rest of his goddamn life. _

"A few conditions," Mum's saying "I'm aware that you have already taken a certain step in your relationship."_ Certain step? Eeeew mum! Hang on._  _Relationship? "But your father and I would prefer that you waited, at least in this house, for a little longer." __Bugger! She gets up "I have your word Ginny?" Ok, well fair enough. I can understand what they're asking. I stand also, and hug mum._

"My word and my promise." Which are usually iron-clad.

"Alright then. I will wake you at 6. No later."

"Ok. Mum?"

"Yes?" she turns back to us. 

"Thank you. And Dad." She smiles.

"You're welcome. Goodnight you two."

"Goodnight." She closes the door and I'm left alone with the most beautiful woman on the planet. I have to lie back on the bed before I fall on it from shock. Hermione places an arm over me and chortles. "Happy?"

"Wow, I'm speechless." She stretches herself out lengthways and puts her head on my chest. "This is wonderful. Gin. I _missed _you."

"Oh, you're here, with me. It's unbelievable." Soft warm lips touch my shoulder blades, and the chain hanging there.

"It looks good on you."

"It feels fantastic. Took me about 1 point 2 seconds to get it on after opening."

Her hand starts to stroke me gently, shimmering sparks of desire in her wide open eyes.

"You had to go and guarantee it didn't you?"

"Well you have to admit they have a right to ask that of us."

"Yeah, I understand why you promised."

"That's right. I promised. No matter how much I want to I won't" She props herself up on her elbows. Stares at me.

"I kind of appreciate now, how hard this has been for you. Your family is like your existence, everything you say to them you mean."

"Yeah. When I realized what was happening, how my feelings for you were without doubt changing. I was totally torn to shreds by it. My family has been the one constant source of warmth and love, the rock I could always come home to. I felt like a traitor. And I still do in a way; I can't help but feel bad that my parents are happy for us when not so long ago they were happy for _you._ " As I say it I know that it's true. I'm thrilled sure, but there's pain there too. She clings back to me.

"Oh baby. How could I have not seen this before?"

"Why do you think I got so quiet after the world cup?" Her head snaps up.

"Since _then?"_

"Yeah. So you can comprehend that I've got this raging tornado in my belly, but I just can't, can't show you how much I've thought of you, exactly what it is I want to do to you at this point?" Hermione looks up at me. "You show it by saying stuff like that. You have this bond, all of you, it's beautiful. A whole family honour code." There's a small river running down the side of her nose. I sit up, wipe it away. "Tears?'

 She holds my face. "You wanted me that much? So much you're prepared to put yourself through that?" _I didn't have a choice love, don't cry, I don't ever want to see you cry, not even over me. Especially not over me._

"Yeah." I kiss her. Her head hangs down; she sniffles quietly before continuing in a somewhat choked voice. 

"I think, Gin, that you're a very special person. I feel honoured you still chose me under those circumstances." Kiss her again.

"And _I feel blessed that you're here, that you chose me." She grins shyly._

"I guess I did, didn't I?"

"At this stage Hermione, I bloody well hope so." We're both laughing, and I get this amazing feeling of being at peace with myself, and I know that even if it isn't now, some time, this will work itself out.

"Come," I pull her on her feet, yank down the covers "It's cold, get under here."  We're lying together, curled up into each other. She yawns.

"It _is like it was the way it's supposed to be isn't it?"_

"God yes."

"I don't want to say good night Gin. I just want to hold you until the next thing I know I'm waking up in your arms." I feel a pang of something in my stomach that nearly doubles me over. It's so _good._

"And," She continues "I hope you know that we're going to make up for tonight big time when I get you back to school."

"Oh you're evil, you are. That's torment." Giggles "Not at the hollow though, it's _snowing."_

"Well we'll find somewhere. How about one more kiss for me?" 

"Ok then, one more." Just like I remembered. And more

"Gin?"

"Yep?"

"For future reference, right now, with you I'm happier than should probably be allowed."

 She wriggles down and drops her head onto me. Breathing in time with the angel on my chest, tiredness comes finally.

It's two bloody thirty am here. Why am I writing? Aw being back at work is painful!

Just wanted to make a quick note to NariRyo. I understand what you're saying, and I did worry a bit about that, but part of the beauty of fan fiction is, for me, the ability to see characters you know well, acting totally out of character. And everyone has a dark side that's often left unexplored or unsaid. So I like to play around a little with that being a trifle dark at times myself!

Sleepy time now, see you all when I can.


	10. My Bright Star

Disclaimer: Do you know what date it is today? My last month as, ah this is so not fair. When I was 16 I felt (never you mind!) and now… ah let's just skip all that shall we and get to the disclaimer? Blah blah blah I ain't jkr… 

Hermione's POV (The night before)

"Hello." Mrs Weasley hugs me briefly.

"Hello back." I dust myself off. Traveling this way is still rather unsettling. Perhaps it's the giant tropical butterflies in my stomach. _Your presence in this house, it makes the air thick. _A small pop behind me and Gin's dad is there, picking up my cat cage and my trunk.

"I'll go and store these until tomorrow then. Feed him as well." I feel so strange. They have not only orchestrated my arrival, they both seem to believe that it was the right thing to do. No wonder Ginny feels so guilty. Her parents are actively trying to make her happy, seemingly without a thought to how the other party in this is going to react. There must be a reason, something I can't see. Gin's mum often goes off half cocked but she wouldn't hurt her son deliberately. I must find out. I know Ron well enough to know he cares for me but… _Would he walk through fire for you? Does he make you feel like you're incandescent, like you held a star in your hand when you were with him? Does he look at you with grey-blue eyes that hold a universe of love and need? _

To the first; almost certainly, must be a Weasley trait, fire walking. But the rest? No no and no, and I _am_ sorry, so very sorry. Nevertheless Ginny and I, _together_ we were fire and air. Sparks and explosions. And fire can't exist without fuel. Namely Air.

_The distant water has flowed through and around me_

_Hasn't put out the fire_

_Earth from my birth has covered and in the dark surrounds me_

_Not smothered this desire_

_I am, am I_

_The air on which these words float_

_The messages of hope_

_ So do you wanna know?_

_Is it the flames that feed, do they consume my air_

_Or is it the fire that fuels me?_

"Don't stand about looking so uncomfortable Hermione. Gin's in the bath, would you like a drink?" Out of my dreaming.

"Please." She busies herself with a cool glass and a plate of nibbles. I sit at the table like a naughty schoolgirl, head low. Mrs Weasley sits by me.

"You're probably wondering why we wanted to bring you here." I laugh a little.

"I am, actually, I feel quite odd about it. Your daughter loves me, and I used to be with your son. It's hard to take in all at once." She pats my hand.

"I know my love."

"But it's not just that Mrs Weasley; I feel terrible that you've had to make this choice between them. Over me."

"Oh Hermione, it wasn't a choice, don't you see that?" Um, not really? I don't know how to explain to her how bad I suddenly feel. _She must've felt like this for years, but worse. Oh god Gin._

"It's a weird situation to be in." I stammer eventually.

"It is that." She sighs as Mr Weasley returns and plops himself down. 

"I mean, I would never have thought you'd want to speak to me again, let alone getting me here like this." Both of them start to protest loudly.

"No, _No Hermione, why would you think that?" I decide to be brutally honest with them._

"Why do you think?" Raise an eyebrow "and not just because of what happened. In my fourth year at school, you stopped speaking to me, when you thought I'd been cheating on someone I was never, have never been interested in. So now that I seem to feel something for Gin, and not for Ron, well gee can you blame me for expecting serious fallout?" Her mum looks like she's having kittens. 

"Hermione. Perhaps I should explain this past week to you."

"Go on." And she tells me about it, how they found out; how Percy heard her thundering past his door, and came down to see what was up, how he then told them all he'd known for months. Of the things she said at this very table, and on Christmas day. 

"And in the end Hermione it _was a hard thing to do, to write that letter to you; but then it came down to one thing that occurred to me after she'd left. Like you, I'd never expected that to happen, however when we heard, I realized I knew too." _

"You did?" She nods

"It felt _right, as strange as that sounds." She laughs, chiding herself softly "How perceptive I thought I was, I certainly missed something very, very big in Gin's life."_

"Just because it feels right doesn't make it right though Mrs Weasley. We'd all be getting away with murder if that was true." _Must _I pick, pick, pick, like I do?

Gin's dad speaks for the first time, "But she loves you. We all know it. I think I've known for as long as she has."

"_Arthur! You _never_ mentioned that!" Kittens again. This family and bombshells, damn they seem to go hand in hand._

"Hey," I hold up my hand "Don't start arguing on my account." Oh I love being ignored.

"Can't a father see something in his only daughter? Something I held to myself because I didn't want to hurt her?" It's unspoken, the rest of it, _because I didn't want her to get hurt?_

He takes a biscuit, "I'm not saying I hoped it would never eventuate mind, but I wanted to shield her from the pain I knew she was causing herself. And I didn't know how. So maybe now I do." Mrs Weasley settles, still grumbling about not being told though. We all look up at the gurgle coming from above. He stands and pulls out my chair.

"That, I believe is your cue my dear." Clasps a hand on my shoulder in understanding.

"I love each and every one of my children equally Hermione, don't think I'm favouring Ginny. I suppose, at the end of the day you _do_ have to be cruel to be kind sometimes."

Her mum pipes in "It's like nothing I've ever felt before, I couldn't have guessed at that depth and as much as I love my son, I know he _doesn't._ Not like that."

"So go, and tell her how you feel." Mr Weasley ushers me to the stairs. _You want me to do that when I don't even know yet?_ I wasn't frightened before? I am now. One foot is lead and the other floating as I ascend; resolute but still shitting myself.

_They say in this life_

_There are, two fools of a kind_

_There are those who love_

_And there are those who pay love no mind_

_Now I'm looking at you_

_And you're looking back at me_

_And there's nothing in between us_

_But what we both believe_

_So won't you tell me, why are you waiting?_

_When you already know it's yours for the taking_

_Only you can change the way you live_

Ginny's POV (present)

Open my eyes slowly, it's almost six. Definitely wasn't a dream then. Her weight shifts against me, look down. God, I'm so happy. Kisses on my neckline.

"It's not against the law to feel like this so early in the morning?"

"I'm still finding it hard to believe you're here."

"Was it worth it Gin? Like your mum said? Worth the pain?" I pull her head up to me and share another of those delicious kisses.  "Hermione I…" And I _want _to say it, because I need her to know I do. Aaah not yet. No. "Anything's worth how I feel right now." A half baked excuse for what I should have said.

She's looking at me knowingly. "It's ok. I understand." Strokes my hair "Really?"

"More than you could imagine." She burrows her face into my shoulder blade.

"Imaginings… Gin, you've made me question so much about myself, about who I am. That first day apart honestly I paced the whole house, trying to sort out what the whole thing _meant."_

"Sometimes there aren't any magic answers Hermione. I felt like that at first. Sometimes it just is what it is"

"That's what I'm trying to say. I kept thinking, how could I be gay and not have even had an inkling before? But when you first touched me it was overwhelming, how right it was, I nearly spontaneously combusted." 

"Heheh I was pretty sure you did actually, especially when I…" She clamps a hand over my mouth.

"Don't even start on _that, unless you want to break your promise." Well I do baby, pretty enthusiastically in fact._

"Sorry."

"When I heard how all you'd been doing was crying it just swept away all the uncertainties. I decided that it didn't matter about labels or whatever the hell I might have thought before. You were real to me, your pain felt like mine, so everything else became only a shadow." 

She gets up slowly, walks over to the mirror and brushes her hair, studying me in the faint light of reflection.

"So, as you said on Christmas day, I guess we are rolling with it aren't we?"

She smiles, clearly quite pleased with herself. I'm conscious of this being one of my life's defining moments, awestruck by its significance. _She wants to be part of my world. _ Hang on a minute, how'd she know I said that? I walk up after her. 

"Herm is there _nothing my mother did not tell you about?" A shrug._

"Well you were in the bath for an eternity Gin. What were we supposed to do? The three of us ate biscuits and talked about things. Stop worrying and kiss me."

"Ok," But there's still the need for caution, for warnings. I want to shelter her from what's to come. "Are you ready though? Because this has nearly been too easy, and it won't always be so." Hermione turns and puts her arms around my shoulders.

"I know that Gin."

"Particularly when Ron finds out." She sighs and kisses my cheek.

"Baby I _know, and it's not what's important. We are."_

"_We are?"_

"Yes. Honestly woman if you haven't figured that out by now…" She doesn't get the chance to finish, perhaps because I'm covering her mouth hungrily, my hands gripping and pulling that majestic ass closer, undulating in perfect sync with her light rhythmic thrusting against me. _We fit together. Who would have thought it?_

"Gin,"

"Kinda' busy kissing you right now Herm,"

"Whew I can feel that," We break apart, breathing heavily "But I judge that's most likely your mum knocking on the door." Oh shit. And it's funny, I can't help it, I'm giggling as I go to open up. God only knows what we look like, probably as if there are broken promises littering the floor. Thankfully mum doesn't seem to notice, and after exchanging hushed morning pleasantries we follow her downstairs. 

"Got the sandwiches?" She's standing in front of the fire, her trunks and cat having appeared miraculously from goodness knows where, and pats her rucksack.

"Right here, thank your mum again for me." Who has disappeared rather tactfully, allowing us to exchange goodbyes with some degree of privacy.

"Stuff to read?"

"Only about a week's worth of undone studying," Her fingers trace my arm "You are one major distraction Miss Weasley, you know that?"

"A good one, I hope."

"Indeed. Hey Gin? I've made another decision." 

"Mmmn?"

"Yes," She holds my fingers "I've decided that in addition to not wanting to say goodnight to you, I also don't ever want to say goodbye." Oh man, it almost undoes me. I look down.

"You have no idea how crazy about you I am." And it's enough for now.

"Oh I wouldn't be so sure of that Gin, You see…" She smooches the tip of my nose "I think that I might be just a little bit smitten with you too." I sigh from the absolute bottom of my being and hope she understands what I meant by it.

"So give me another kiss and I'll see you soon ok?"

"Alright." I comply "See you then." Hermione gathers the trunks and walks into the fire, shouting her destination. The devastating numbness of loss not diminished by the knowledge that we'll be together again in a few short hours. I stare into the flames, unbelievably tempted to grab a handful of powder and follow, but I collect myself and start to get the biggest breakfast possible ready, joined wordlessly by mum before long. I don't let her help at first, pull her into the largest hug I can muster. _"Thank you."_

"My baby, you're happy?"

"Happy?" What an understatement "I guess I am." In such a low dark voice the whole kitchen reverberates with the shockwaves of that fervor.

"Well," Mum studies my face "I'm glad for you that she seems to feel that way too."

"No, not yet mum, she can't, it's way too quick. I mean I want her to, but not before time."

"Oh Gin, she didn't _say she did, but she does. I can see it."_

"Mum you often see what you want to see." She picks up a side of bacon.

"And you, Ginny, often pick everything to death when you don't need to. The two of you _should be together. I'm amazed it took me this long to realize it as well." _And knowing you mum, a little annoyed that you didn't either.__

"And me," My Father's laughing voice behind us. "I know I'm a bit slow on the uptake, but really…" 

"Dad!" I run into his embrace. His hands in my hair. "God dad I love you. Thank you so much." They're exchanging what I'd call a significant look here. What's the deal?

"Ok dad what aren't you telling me?" He grins over at mum, positively delighted with himself for some reason, and as he explains I get why mum looks kinda' grouchy, happy, but grouchy.

_Ha he beat you to it for once. Heheheh…_

First Lyrics from 'fuel' another flamegrrl special. So again the whole touchy die warning thing ok? Geez I've written a whole bloody album, I'm telling you. And there's plenty more that fit this fic; looks like the madness isn't ending yet…

Second ones from 'the way you live' from the album 'ghost nation' by hunters and collectors

Thanks Blake, exactly what I was thinking. I had to live with that 'whole plot' for years, last thing I wanna do is rehash it all. I'm really appreciating your views and support mate.

I don't know when I'll be able to post again; I've only got one day off this week and functions coming out of the proverbial. I'll do my best, probably about 5 days or do. Many apologies, I just don't like to post unless I've done some heavy editing and time is not my friend right now. Bloody work.


	11. Lead me to water

Disclaimer: Let's just break down a typical flamegrrl day here alright? That should make it pretty clear that I'm boring old me and not the creator of Hp, so don't sue me, cos I'm broke again. (Monthly pay: who invented that torture?)

Work: 60%

Sleep 20%

Scribbling weird fan faction on the back of old dockets at work 10%

Eating 3%

Assorted cleaning 2%

Time dedicated to making and consuming my excellent home brew 3%

Maintenance of expensive kitties 2%

(Looking up at my list) So _that's why I live with cats! Heheheh. Doesn't leave much time for posting does it? Aaargh I am trying! Sorry that this chap's a bit shorter than usual!_

I was heavily listening to 'bring me to life' whilst editing this chapter. So it sort of set the theme, it's transcendent passion in a 3.5 minute capsule for me at the moment. And it's time to step things up here a little in terms of solidifying what's happening for them. So while this chap's not slashy so much, it definitely alludes to it ok?

11: Lead me to water. 

Hermione's POV

There's something playing around in my body as I watch them all walk towards me. It's not fear, I'm pretty sure of that now, although I must admit I'm worried that I'll just go jumping into her arms when she gets close. And I can't do that, it's Gin's call as to when the wider family group gets told. But the pale sunlight shines around her and I'm left feeling like I'm gasping for air. _She's stunning, how did I ever fail to notice that before now?  Oh I have to look away as she reaches me; the expression on my face is out there for anyone to read. Where have you been all my life, how can I ever spend another moment away from you? _

"Hi," she bends, looks briefly into my eyes and mutters throatily "I missed you." I'm floating in space, really I am.

"As did I." Ron and Harry catch up. He doesn't look angry anymore which is a good thing, but he's got that old determined look on his face as he greets me and gives me a hug. Ginny looks like she's going to explode. 

"Hey I'm sorry, you know that?" And he _is, _I know. Still, I catch a glimpse of her face, tense and frightened. No, there's nothing I would change. I hope he'll always be my friend, but I can't go back from this road. I don't want to. 

I flash her a reassuring smile_ it'll be ok baby,_ Gin understand this smile my love. Please. _My love?_ Well it was the first thing that sprang to mind. Oh my word.

"I know that Ron, thank you. But I haven't changed my mind." Mercifully he backs off quickly, protesting a little. He smells _different_, he feels like a stranger. Though I know him; I love him like a brother but… Ginny, baby baby, every thought I have…

"I didn't expect you to, just wanted to say so. I feel bad we had to end it that way." The start of the campaign, because it will be, and she knows that too. Which explains her expression right now. Movement all around, people picking up trunks and boarding slowly. I make a special point of going up to her parents and hugging them both goodbye.

"What you did for us. I'll never forget it." Gin comes up behind

"Never." Her voice is having quite an effect on me. I'm not sure either one of us is going to have the strength to refrain from tearing the robes off each other for much longer. I want to grasp her hand and skip onto the train, one look over at her tells me that's exactly what she'd like to do as well. But we grin shyly and get on, finding the boys and sitting. It's kind of like it used to be in here, all of us just chatting and playing games. Like nothing's changed, but everything's changed you know? It would almost be peaceful except for the unbearable slow tension building from the base of my spine. The fact that Ginny's right next to me in the cramped compartment, just touching me in places is not helping. She's seemingly engrossed in her card game, and I'm running through possible places to go in my mind. Each time the train lurches and we're thrown together, honestly I have to nearly bite my lip in half to stop from sighing out loud. What has happened to me? _I want her_. I'm going insane, all I can think about is that unbelievable body, how I felt it before, how I need to feel it again and damned soon. Everything's changed all right. 

We finally pull in, surreptitiously staying as close as possible through the trip up to the castle. She sits next to me at dinner. I keep looking about, trying to guess if anyone's noticed _anything_ different. Well we'd eaten together before, many times, I suppose it's not different to them. _If only you knew_, I feel like shouting. And I do want to shout you know, I want to get up on this table right now and challenge _everyone_ to prove to me that there could ever be a single thing that could compare to the way she makes me feel. Perhaps I'm amazed that no-one sees, _senses the waves of fire pouring off our skins. I'm certain people are talking to me, I know I'm having conversations, but honestly I couldn't say about what. Blood hammers in my temples dully; surely it can't just be me? I look at her but she smiles, giving nothing away. Then a hot hand on my thigh. Verification._

_And it's good to know this pounding in my veins_

_Is real and not imagined_

I forget everything else as she moves in slow, torturous circles inching ever closer to exactly where I want her to be. Sucking in a sharp breath like I suddenly haven't enough air. Gin stares at her plate and stops, thankfully, because I didn't want her to and there are quite possibly better ways to announce ourselves than me leaping on her in the middle of a feast. I hear definite laughter coming from Ginny's general direction; I think I've just been paid back for teasing her last night. _Oh I'm evil am I? Right woman, you are going to suffer for this…_All the food from my fork drops on the table rather embarrassingly.

"Hey earth to Hermione. Wake up woman, your mouth's up there." She elbows me in the ribs publicly, and the table erupts into laughter, then she leans down and speaks softly in my ear, "I know how you feel," _You do?_ "But we've got to at least look normal for now ok?" 

"Yeah" it's barely a whisper out of my parched mouth "Ok" The hand gives me a final quick squeeze and leaves, then it pops into my head. There may be somewhere, albeit breaking every rule I thought was sacred. Sod it. I don't care anymore.

"How was your break Hermione?"  Dean, do you _have to talk to me now? But he's affable as always, my good friend, and hell he's just trying to make conversation. _

"Um good," I choke out "Interesting. And yours?" He slaps the table,

"Man it was great! I got this excellent bike from mum and dad, an official team Guernsey, and I ate until I was nearly sick."

"Bike?" Ron buts in "what the hell's that?" 

"Guernsey? Wtf?" Ginny this time. Honestly these two, so naïve in many ways, so similar. Aw No. I am not going to dissect their differences now. Or ever. Ginny's worth more than that. And I'm not going to feel bad anymore. _Well what is it then Hermione? What do you feel?  As I listen to dean's patient explanation I realize what it may be. At seventeen you know these things? Possibly. _And after a week? _Certainly. What I felt under those trees may just be true, like I said before remember? like I've always known…_

She comes to me in the common room at 11 pm, barely restrained desire oozing out of her pores, as she stares at me. I can feel it. I can smell it. I touch her arm

"You _are a lynx, you know that?" This enormous animal in front of me, huge and flawless. Gin doesn't speak, draws me to her quickly without even a glance to see if anyone's around to see. She bites my upper lip and then kisses me like she's _never_ kissed me before. Not even in that hollow. There's no fear, nothing held back. She grips my rear firmly and pulls me in until we're standing joined at the loins like a statue. Puts one hand on each side of my head gently, compelling me to look up at her. She still has not said a word. _

"Hermione," Her voice is impossibly deep when she does, those unwavering blue eyes intent and glowering with one hand traveling back to my bum and squeezing with a touch that screams _you are mine. Yet I've never felt so free. "There's something you need to know…"  I thrust my chin forward, daring her to. "Yes?" Chicken out of __that one baby. She does not back off, shit was I expecting her to? Ginny kisses me again impatiently and is suddenly motionless, searching my face._

"I love you." And although I anticipated what she was gonna say, my knees are warm jelly, my stomach bottoms out completely. I nearly stagger out of her embrace, but for the firm arms holding me still. Bringing me out.

"I always have." Pauses for another unbelievably intense kiss "I always will." I can't speak. I nod slowly, gulping a little, take her hand and lead her out of the door, to a place where I can, without words, finally share _everything_ with her and leave nothing out…

Blake; thank you lots mate, I said 'that line' to someone once and meant it, and although it didn't last, I'll never ever forget the look on her face when I said it. So I figured it would be good for this fic. Whew, well I _did_ warn you all that my writing could be pretty personal!

Sweetspontaneous; I update this fast because I don't have a life outside work! (Just joking!) But thank you my friend! And the lyrics thing? That means a lot. Really truly it does. It's so nice to hear someone say that. So thank you loads!!! 

(Oh yeah and those two lines up before were from 'the deep blue me' again)

And snuffles, g and v thank you also. I really do want to be different, so I'm glad you recognize that I'm aiming for that.

Aw I love you all and I'm just a big sook you guys! And I still can talk underwater…

P.PS. the next chapter is shaping up to be fairly intense and a bit more graphic than chapter 5 was. I do not intend to let this fic degenerate into a bad r rated movie but I feel that these characters need to explore being together free of the restraints they previously had. Ginny's Fear, Hermione's uncertainty and their shared apprehension. It's just bugging me, I need to make it happen for the fic to feel complete, and wanted to warn, but it will not be gratuitous, I'm just not that person…


	12. I'll give you the drum

Mmmn, fried rice and egg roll: Breakfast of champions (hey if you get home after midnight it's breakfast!) Sorry, feeling rather frivolous this morning! And on that subject I decided I was feeling a little too frivolous when I did my bio, therefore I updated it just now, so you won't all just think I'm a mad bugger. But then again if you've been reading my disclaimers and post chapter notes it's probably too late!

Disclaimer: I (insert full name here) do solemnly swear, to never again get home from work late 3 nights in a row, have a brew or two, and write really quickly. I also promise to never put a rushed chapter up again, but to wait until I have the time to check that the bloody thing's ready!!!

(So yeah, that's what happened last time) Bad Cat!!! I'm sure JKR doesn't do that!

But life doesn't give you re-writes so why should fanfic? Let's move on…

Ok, ok I know I'm too hard on myself but I don't think I do gushy very well, then again I don't feel I do slash so good either (God I _loathe_ that word, but anyway) and there's a heavy dose of it coming up. So I'm still refusing to learn!

12: I'll give you the drum…

Ginny's POV

She lets the door close behind her and turns to find me wandering slowly around the room. I'm_ nervous; there are no other words to describe the feeling. We're like two cats staring each other down, a little unsure of whether to fight or flee. She looks worried, and walks over, brushing a nail over my neck. I shiver involuntarily. Back there, I felt so strong, like I was glowing with the power of what I said, and it's still there, but I've come down a tiny bit since with all this damned creeping about._

"Are you ok?" Wow, I'm so scared all of a sudden. It's totally different from that other time. What have I done? _Laid yourself wide open, that's what._ If what happened before was a synthesis of my desperation and desire with us just giving up to the moment, then this is a conscious decision. We choose to be here. I want her so much I'm trembling slightly, and that in itself is a bit frightening. A fear of absoluteness. God why do we always seem to go in this cycle? Why can't we just both have this strength, at the same time for a change?

"Ginny,' she puts her lips to mine "What are you afraid of?" I'm glad she can see it, because I don't know how to put it into words. "Me?"

"No. I don't know." 

"It's not like we've never done this before." She starts to rub my back, calming and re-assuring me a little.

"It is in a way Hermione. This _is_ different to before." She scratches her head with a puzzled expression.

"But in a good way surely Gin? I mean you know now I want to be here, and I _know you do. So I guess I don't quite understand."_

"Neither do I."

"Would you prefer to go back to that old feeling? Because I don't. I never want to see you in that much pain ever again. I want to hold you _knowing_ I need to and not wondering why. I want the freedom to absolutely _wallow in you for once." She starts to maneuver me over to the wall, and laughs. "Then again, my motives may be a bit baser than that because I also really want to hear you scream my name at least 23 times in a row." I grin shakily and heave a huge sigh._

"Oh yeah I do want _that." Hermione reaches over, begins to undo my shirt, leaning up to kiss me hard, and whispering silkily._

"Well I think I can arrange that for you then…" And I can't get the shirt off quickly enough; she strips it down over my back in one fluid motion, shakes it off my arms. Sharp teeth biting and nuzzling away the rest of my upper garments until I'm naked from the waist up, gasping with the cold and something else entirely. Her body presses up against me, holding me to the wall. I can't move, but I'm not exactly in the mood to protest right now. I try to swing my arm up to get to her clothing, because there's too much of it between us. She's not having a bar of that though. "Uh-uh Gin. You stay where you are." Her mouth seems to be everywhere at once, traveling down my body, kissing my ribs, my sides, taking a nipple in out of the chill air. Oh that's just incredible baby. I wanna slide down the wall and bring her with me onto the floor. But even as I start the motion she holds a firm hand to my shoulder keeping me still. "No." I look down at the head busily traversing my torso. "I still don't know where the other you went, but I _like_ this one." She chuckles. "Shush." And goes back to work, but when her hands run down my back, pulling at the zip of my skirt, I feel like I'm gonna disintegrate. Suddenly the skirt's around my ankles and there's a finger rubbing my abdomen maddeningly slowly, making small waves all through me. A kiss, a tongue flick on my belly button, a soft moan. "You are _so_ beautiful." I get the impression she's testing me, trying to see how long I can hold out before I simply demand some input. _She thinks I'm beautiful?_ I can hold out a little longer to hear that again. But as her hand travels downward for a second time, I nearly change my mind on that one. Oh boy, huge breath, her own like a storm on my collarbone as she leans in, all the while probing the depth of these waters. "So very beautiful." She pants, like she can feel exactly everything that's happening within, but I don't really think I'm capable of coherent thought for much longer. "Ginny, baby, I want to…" By god, I think she's _asking._ Jen gave me a lot no question, but she always took more in return, and she never _never_ asked. For anything. There's no comparison.  I hope she understands my emphatic yes as I arch up to meet her, hurting for that completion. _Let it go…_

Greedy, hungry, she searches gingerly, pushing me to a level I never knew I had, and then abandons all pretence of timidity. _Ok ok baby, right there, oh that's fine, go for it._ Oh God, legs failing, blood leaving head rapidly. Hold on. 

But at the point where I'm feeling like all my internal organs have dissolved and are melting to form the river of lava in her hand, and her knees begin to dip down slightly, I decide that enough is enough and with a resounding snarl flex outward, catch her before she falls away, bring her down with me. That mouth has been off my lips for a good twenty minutes now. Far too long. And a kiss and a half it is. _I could eat you whole woman, live off the feel of your teeth against my tongue. At what point does my mouth end, where do you start? Because I cannot tell right now. Side on and stretching she murmurs drowsily "I wondered how long it would take you." It's so cold in here, but there's a heat burning through my centre. She's only ignited the flame; I haven't even begun to smoulder yet. Such a strange sensation of contentment already though. _

"Hey I'm naked down here and you are unfairly, still very clothed." She sits up slowly, straddling my chest, pulling off her shirt and pouting. "Well if that's all you wanted, you only had to ask Gin, You didn't need to tip me off you. I wasn't finished yet." Then she laughs, "Ok I know that's not fair. I wouldn't let you." And unlike before in the dark and the rain, watching her undress without hurry is _magnificent. I felt you before, but oh I've never seen you. Comes back down, covering my body with feline grace. "Better?" Freezing air mixes with the hot shock of her against me, and I shudder with it. "It's so good to be here with you."_

"Out of the wet. Yes it is." I run a hand down her back, and raise an eyebrow up.

"_Out of the wet?" She growls, and kisses me. Her arm starts to travel back to it's original position. "Well that was a lovely interlude Gin, but you've just reminded me of something." She slides off me so her chest leans on mine, and props herself up on one hand, while the other goes back to what it was doing before. _Oooff._ She licks my belly. "I'm not finished yet." I look up at her eyes, glazed with concentration like she's reading me from the inside out. "Baby we haven't even started yet." Bring me forward love; let me roam beneath your skin…_

And I know it wasn't the first time, but god it felt like it. The ripples on her stomach in the clear brilliant light, the beads of sweat between her breasts. Perfection. Seeing is believing. The hours I spent poring over every centimeter of her skin, tasting, touching. Even the small fine hairs on her big toes. I drew it all in, committed her to memory. Freedom, I understand what she meant now. The freedom to let the fear go and revel in the things we can become together. _To just be. And it showed how far we'd come when we eventually snuck back to the tower, and apart from a very thorough kiss at the door to my dorm, were able to part happy and not heartsick. Knowing now that there would be other times for us, secure in the knowledge that we'd reaffirmed our position and also that we would still be there in the morning, waiting for the other…_

My God, I wrote _that?! Whew (wipes off forehead) didn't know I had it in me._

First person writing is difficult at the best of times, but wow that was bloody intense doing that!

To f, so… what is it that's good with you mate? Gratuity or the lack of it? (Raised eyebrow) Hey I'm just being a bastard, never take me too seriously!

Goodgirlsbadboys; Thank you! Like I said before, I would if I knew how to. And I'm really glad you find this satisfying to read. I agree. Intensity is a good thing.

And Finally Blake, my serial reviewer; you are far too nice to me you know, but that's ok I like it! Please feel free to keep going! =:-) You think I've got talent? Wow I can't even begin to tell you how much that meant to me. As for the song thing, well seeing as we're both in the same country I could probably arrange that, but unfortunately I have the musical ability of a potato, and while I have the basic melodies down and certainly the lyrics where to go from there is a bit of a mystery to me. I mean I could sing 'em, but trust me no-one wants that to happen! (Because I can't)

And also everyone, from next month after I get off 6 day weeks, I'm going to start to post the original drafts of this story on fictionpress.net, because it's starting to bother me that I'm having to change so much. I mean there are a lot of differences between this setting and a redneck Australian beach town you know?

Example: Chapter 5, 12 years ago I was writing about that happening in the back of a Ute on a country road whilst the main characters were polishing of a case of V.B at midnight, totally different. I still love this fic and intend to complete it, but I don't know, I'd really like to see it up somewhere as I started to write it all those years ago. I'll let you know what pen name I'm gonna use when I do if you'd like to have a look.


	13. The skin You're in

I took out the notes that were previously here because I was being a big headed idiot! Many apologies.

Disclaimer: I needed a six pack and a bloody good rest after that last chapter! So I had one.

I woke the next morning alternately feeling empty because she wasn't there next to me, yet also deliciously complete and full inside. Wondering if I'd imagined the way she touched me last night. Ginny didn't repeat herself; never again uttered those words, but I felt it all in how she kissed my skin, the look in her eyes when she ran a finger over my cheek. I remember reading a line in a book once that fit this. "What would it be like to be loved like that?" To think I know now. I would never have believed it true, not in a million years of rule books. And I honestly do not have the words to describe how good that makes me feel. I wish I did so _everyone could know. Hell, I want the whole world to be this happy. I think this is what you hear people sometimes describing as being young and in love. With no yardstick of having been in love before to measure by, I can only guess that I quite possibly could be you know. Like nothing else, Gin said that about me, and I know exactly what she meant.  I want to get up quickly and rush down to where I know she'll be waiting for me, but I decide instead to lie in bed, listen to the sound of my dorm mates rising and dressing sleepily, while I rub my belly slowly, dissecting all the things causing the enormous smile I know is on my face. A head pops into the curtain. _

"Are you going to stay in there forever or what?" 

"Erm, Lavender, hi." I sit, feigning a yawn "Sorry, bit tired." And after four hours sleep, it's no small wonder really. She pulls the covers open letting snow backed light flood in.

"You did get in quite late." All the happiness seems suddenly to have been replaced with blind terror.

"Well you know, patrolling and all…" What a weak pathetic excuse, but wow, she's buying it, turning up a palm in disgust.

"Ah the life of a prefect. You can all keep it. Anyway, get _up already will you? You've a fellow weirdo downstairs looking for you." I know she means Ginny but for a horrifying second I'm thinking oh god she's guessed. Then I understand; __weirdo she means those of us that can run around at night and get away with it. Should I feel bad about abusing that privilege? Well yeah, I should, but damn it, I don't. _

"Ok, ok, I'm moving." I plant both feet on the ground and dress hurriedly. _She's waiting for me?_ Why does it feel like I'm waiting for her then?

 Feet and heart light, I go down carefully, something instinctive in me saying not to run. I can see her at the bottom, looking up and trying not to smile wide open, but failing miserably. I'm there; she's there, our friends running off to eat around us, finding a small private space to say our words.

"God you looked beautiful up there. God I love you." It comes so easily to her lips. I want to reciprocate, I really do, but the same sense that kept me walking, not running says no. Doesn't appear to worry her however. 

"Wanna go eat then?" She nudges my shoulder "I've certainly an appetite." 

"I wonder why?" We start to walk, following the herd. "Some heavy exercise perhaps?" She laughs, a wonderful deeply satisfied sound. "Hmmn possibly Herm, just possibly." Her tone deepens as our swinging hands brush together lightly. "So… Um how'd you find that room?" 

"Ah I was wondering when you'd ask that. Well, I didn't find it actually, but I've been there before a lot. Sort of a late night war room." Shit, I wish I hadn't said that. I really do not want to tell her who found it, because I know it'll bother her. So I start babbling.

"I mean it makes sense that I know it's there, being in that secret passage off the library and all…" But her head hangs down.

"Of course; the fearless three, I should have guessed huh?" Aw no, not this again, dammnit now she'll be feeling that by being with me, she's forcing her way into that circle. Oh dear, I hadn't thought of that complication either. What will happen when I start suddenly insisting that Gin comes with me, a package deal? I'd tried to involve her more last term too though, and she always refused, I mean I know _why now, but I can't help feeling I've missed something in the translation here. We've been over this before; still I'm almost awed too by the ramifications of what I know she's thinking. '__This has been almost too easy, and it won't always be so.'  How could I have imagined it would be? __Last night though Hermione; don't you remember? When we burned and flickered like the wicks of the candles on the wall. Wasn't that worth anything you'll have to go through for it? It's__ true. __I would wade naked through a lake of bubotuber pus for you Gin, and although we probably wouldn't have sex for a year after that, I'd do it if I had to. I suppose love is never easy. _And admit it; you do, even if you can't say it yet._ We're so far behind our classmates I can't even see them, but I do spot a handy broom closet, and yank her in there, giving her no option._

"I _know_ you're scared. Hell I am too." I pull her down for the blood rush of passion and anxiety. Hold her face to my chest. "But last night Gin? That kiss just now?" 

"Um…" She sputters. "I get it. It's worth it. I just needed to be reminded, and reminded _often_ if it's gonna be like that."

"Thank goodness for that. Gin, we _are in this together, don't you see that yet? We'll make it."_

"I Hope so."

"Don't hope woman! Believe it, and stick your head out the door and make sure no-one's coming while you're at it."

"All clear." She sings out, and we're on our way once more.

"I'm sorry Hermione, sorry for doubting."

"No don't be sorry Gin; I do realize that it's hard for you, what's going to happen. I just wish you could see that we'll still be here at the end of it. We've made our bed now, the decisions are done. There's no point in letting what we always knew would be difficult destroy us. Please don't let it baby." She looks down and grins.

"Now I know why I fell in love with you. When you say those things."  It makes my heart do triple back flips when she tells me that. We've reached the hall entrance. I put my arm around her waist in what would outwardly be a companionable gesture, our secret, what it really means. "Hey Gin?"

"Uhuh?"

"I want to take your hand, walk in there, sit next to you, and kiss you right there at the table." Half hoping she'll agree. But no, she stops in her tracks and searches me. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"Oh boy Hermione so would I." We move forward again. "But there might be better times you know." I want to ask what the hell she means, _better times? What could be better than this time Gin? This time when I feel so indestructible? But I do understand in a way, she's still afraid of her brother's reaction. Not to mention the whole school's. _Don't push it, she's not ready yet. _My hand is resting on her backpack as we reach Ron and Harry. Geez, if he must've subconsciously wondered before, now he's surely outright thinking about it. Because he's looking up from me to her quizzically like he's seriously pondering the possibility, and Harry, more intelligent than anyone gives him credit for is staring at us as if he's never seen me before. __Ok Gin, this is where we find out how good we are at acting baby. Um, no it's probably not a great idea to sit down and yawn simultaneously. _

"Wow, I'm tired." Gin begins finally, "I hate trains. Hey pass the toast will you Ron? I'm bloody starving." And as she begins to shovel food into her mouth speedily, Ron appears to snap out of whatever it was that had him puzzled and resumes eating with a shrug. Harry's another story however; he's gazing steadily over at me, looking too damned clued in for comfort, and something else. He looks _angry._ Almost furious. An unexpected turn of events, but I know how protective he is of Ron. He was certainly protective of Ron's small secret last term. I stare back at him, acknowledging silently what he believes is true, and refusing to back down. No more guilt._ Think of last night._

The day dissolved after that, Gin and I parted with a whispered promise to meet at lunch and I was left with the boys and a twisting stomach, knowing Harry had seen it. Well someone was going to eventually, with the afterglow on us so out there, so palpable. Ron began to play tiny cards every now and then as well, making the tension worse. I had to fight to stay normal, I really did, but Harry only speaking to me when he had to, and that last remark of Ron's about how he wouldn't see whatever her name was anymore if only I'd… I couldn't help it. I snapped.

"Ron, look, there is no _us_ ok?" he holds his hands up.

"Hey Hermione, whoa slow down, ok I understand. Wow, I'm sorry alright? If you're still angry that's ok, I mean I do deserve it, but you don't need to blow up in my face like that!" I want to tell him that it's bloody well final _now_, and that I'm not angry at all, but I just shrug and apologise. And after class, when Ron's ducked off to the loo, Harry grasps my arm.

"Can we talk then Hermione?" 

"Not now."

"Are you going to say that I'm imagining it then? How _could you?" He still looks mad, but thankfully a little calmer than this morning. I sigh and sit on a nearby bench._

"No Harry I'm not going to say that. Because you're not." He hovers doubtfully for a second but gradually sits.

"Tell me."

"No, like I said, not now. Ok you've figured it out, well good for you, but I won't discuss this on my own. You want to know, fine, but Ginny should be part of that." A lot of his anger seems to have dissipated with the confirmation, and he pushes hair out of his face in a gesture that I know by now means he's confused, but prepared to listen.

"Ron kind of hinted a bit about Gin, but I never would have thought that you two…" I have to laugh at that comment.

"If it makes you feel any better Harry neither did I." Ron's coming back down the corridor. "Hey c'mon guys! Lunch Time!"

We follow slowly half of me feeling wonderful at the prospect of seeing Gin, the other half trying to think of a good way to explain to her what's just happened.

"Um Harry, look meet us in the library before tea ok? Make sure you ditch Ron before you come though alright?"

"Don't you think he's a right to know too?"

"Oh for god's sake Harry, don't you think I had a right to know what was going on last term? I don't remember you telling me that."

"Hey that wasn't my fault Hermione; I promised I wouldn't."

"Then it's just like this then ok? I promised I wouldn't either." And as we catch up to Ron, get to the hall where Gin's waiting outside for me, my heart doing a quadruple backflip this time. Harry looks at Gin and smiles tightly without saying hello, and then goes in after Ron without another word.

"Whoa." She pats my shoulder lightly "What the hell was that all about?"

"I don't think you're going to like this Gin."

"Like what?" Grinning at me happily "Didn't you miss me?" Her face suddenly falling. "Oh no…"

"Afraid so Gin."

"Oh God. Did you tell him?"

"No, he guessed; and confronted me on it. I'm sorry. I couldn't lie."

"Shit. He's not gonna tell…?"

"I don't think so. We'll find out tonight." I can feel her fear. "Ginny, it had to start somewhere."

"I'm just not sure I'm ready for it."

"Do you love me?"

"You know I do."

"Then hang on to that, and we'll make it. Never forget I said that."

Nevertheless I can tell by the way she won't eat during lunch that she's tearing herself up again, and if I felt brave enough you know; I'd force the issue right bloody now, just to get the bloodletting over with so we could move on. But you also know that I eat quietly and don't say a damned thing, while the woman I need more than air is scaring herself to death beside me…

 At first I wasn't sure I liked this chapter, then I realized that I'm still coming down off the last one, which was probably the only one I've been totally happy with. Anyway…

First things first; To my serial reviewers (Love you all!)(Please keep going!) Heehee…

Sweetspontaneous: I hope we're not talking about the beer drinking part of my day here! (Evil chuckle) Aw mate, say it ain't so, I was hoping I was the only one with my tragic life! Hey, thank you so much for thinking this is beautiful. I really appreciate it, and like I think I've said before, I find it totally flattering, when I think that your work (particularly on fictionpress) is damned unbelievable, and something I really enjoy reading. So again, thanks!

Blake: It's true mate, I think I used to be good at it once, but too many years of being bad to myself have kind of got it down to a nice enough sounding, but unsustainable thing. Yeah that chap was really hard to write, to hold that level of intensity. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate my writing or anything, I just find that by being critical of myself I can push on to get more out of myself if you know what I mean…

And what I said to Sweetspontaneous goes for you too, about your stuff. Because it is good.

Missy-chan: (takes a small bow) Applause? Why thank you! Don't worry I'll keep going a bit longer!


	14. Fell

Erk, I can't believe I was such a pompous bighead in my last chapter notes. What can I say, I'd had a great day at work, and if you've ever been in a kitchen when it's all happening and it's flowing, um, it's a high like no other. I get all strange for the rest of the day!!! Rest assured that the monster is now back in her box, so if everyone could forget that line about the freezer and the onions, which I've now removed anyway, I'd appreciate it. (Because I still can't believe I said that!)

Disclaimer: I'm too sick to think any of semi-interesting disclaimers, so I guess you'll have to refer to the other ones!

14: Fell.

_Though I want you badly_

_I can get uneasy_

_Sometimes inside you_

_It gets too much for me_

At a time like this I'd really like to go up to that damned hat and ask it what the hell it thought it was doing, putting me in this house. I mean _come on_, do I seem particularly brave to you right now? It's like I spent all my courage in one huge burst, and now it's gone, not likely to return any time soon. I feel like a highly strung animal being led to a place I don't want to go as I follow her to the library. _I can do this_. _I can. How could this be harder than telling mum? But when we get there and I see Harry automatically going towards that portrait in the far corner, too familiar for my liking, I rear back a little, choking out a refusal._

"No Hermione, not in there." It doesn't look as if she likes that idea either by the frown on her face.

"I agree. Wait here." Wow, where did her sudden determination come from? She goes over to him and whispers something I cannot hear. Sincerely hoping she's not telling him why we can't go in, but at the same time not caring as long as we don't. _The only good thing I can think of right now. We can't sully that. I'd die._

They're coming over, I hear Harry agreeing with whatever she's told him, and we settle at a table near the restricted section, remote enough to assure we won't be overheard. Hermione pulls me over to her before I sit.

"You had the nerve once to let me know how you felt about me, do you remember that, how hard it was?"

"Oh yeah."

"I never told you how much I admired your strength for being able to do that." Harry sits loudly, clearly a bit impatient, and wondering what he's doing here. She whispers again "And I never thanked you for it, for showing me a part of myself I would not have otherwise found, for making me feel this way, how I feel about _you_. So you can handle this Gin, because if you couldn't you wouldn't have kissed me in the first place. Do you see what I mean?" I nod, drowning in what she's just said. Feeling a small cautious hope rise up like a bubble in me. _What you've implied. If I knew it to be true I could stand up to voldemort himself, and possibly even Ron. We sit. God I hope so._

It's almost funny in a way, the three of us sitting here, no one being particularly willing to speak first, Harry still kind of looking cranky, but seemingly open to explanations. Bloody hell though, how do you explain love? And of course it's her that finally starts talking.

"I'm not here to apologise to you Harry, because I'm not sorry."

"No?" His expression saying it all. _I think you should be._

"I'm not sorry for how I feel if that's what you're asking, but yes I know what you mean. It's going to hurt him, and that, well, that I do regret. But I wouldn't change what happened."

"Well what _did_ happen if you don't mind me asking?"  I think this is where I come in.

"I've…" and they're both staring at me now as if realizing I'm here too. Oh God, clear my throat. "I, um, I." _Be strong; my mother's words echo somewhere in my head. "The night before we left on Christmas break. When you guys were assing around in the common room." _

"I remember." 

"Do you remember that we left early and never came back?" Maybe the wrong thing to say because now he looks seriously pissed again.

"You _planned_ to go off together?!"

"_No!_ Christ Harry, we just went to have a celebration away from the noise, and bloody hell, don't hate me for this, but I couldn't hold it in any longer. Do you have any idea how long I've wanted Hermione? Don't you think I went crazy over it, knowing it was totally the wrong thing to be feeling? I mean shit, do you?" Silence, I'm not sure if that's good or bad.

"And when Gin kissed me Harry, I felt like I'd always known, I really did. I wanted to feel guilty but oh, how can something that felt that good be bad?" She squeezes my knee under the table _You're not alone. And I'm tired suddenly; I can't keep explaining myself for the rest of my life. I just want it to be over. I know it sounds strange, but the more we discuss it, the more time I have to think about how hard it will be to tell Ron. _

"I'm in love Harry. I'm sorry if who I love happens to offend your sense of propriety. But there it is, right on the table. I do."

He looks torn between wanting to be mad and trying to understand.

"But didn't you think about…"

"About what? That I was jumping into Ron's grave?" Oh god did I say _that?_ The small reserve of courage I'd found has disappeared once more. Man I must really love crying because I'm doing it again. 

"I just think you should tell him that's all."

"But I _can't_!" I sob "Not yet."

"Give us time Harry," Hermione's saying "This isn't exactly easy you know."

"So you want me to see him almost every waking moment, knowing what I know and not mention anything? Come on, that's not fair."

"So it was ok for you to keep something from me, but not from him?" She stands and almost roars, sounding incredibly angry. Oh no, that's the last thing we need now. Anger's only gonna make this worse, but amazingly Harry backs down. 

"Ok you're right. But you still have to tell him."

"No Harry we were planning to keep it a secret forever. I mean _honestly, _what did you think we were going to do?"

Actually at this moment I wouldn't mind locking it away forever if that's alright. I am definitely not coping, regardless of how much Hermione seems to think I can handle it. I just let them argue back and forth, softly crying to myself, until Harry demands to know when, and I can't help but saying the first thing that comes to me.

"I don't know when I'll be able to, I don't know." And Hermione sinks her head into her hands, shaking her hair and looking pretty pissed off.

"Oh will you just cut it _out_ Gin?" She mutters into her fist, and no I wasn't imagining it, she's angry all right, staring over with her eyes on fire. A look of pure irritation, mixed with a trace of understanding thankfully. I want to defend myself, but I can't, it's like I've been struck dumb by her words. "Because when you get like this it makes me feel as if you're more interested in playing the dying swan, than having the guts to stand up with me and be proud of what we've achieved here." And she looks upset suddenly, an expression of confused pain. "I thought I was worth it to you Gin, I thought you loved me." Oh god baby, don't say that.

"But, but I do… How can you think I don't?"

"You seem to find it easy to say that when you know the situation won't go beyond your comfort level. We _knew that things would get harder, didn't we? So why do you want to run away and hide from it all of a sudden? I feel like I mean nothing to you, that you freaking out is more important than having the balls to ride it out." And she's so right. Harry stands up, looking fairly embarrassed to be witnessing this. "I should go I think." _

"No don't bother Harry," I wave him off "I'll leave." And it's not because I'm angry, but rather because I'm so terribly ashamed of myself. I can't stay in here with her knowing she's hit the nail right on the head. I need to get some air, go where I can shed these hot gulping tears alone and have time to figure out how to deal with this fear that threatens to engulf me whole, jeopardizing even the love I thought I'd die for…

Hermione's Pov:

"_Wow." _Harry whispers almost in awe. "I had no idea it was like that." I want to run after her, but he deserves the rest of the story, and I know she needs to be alone right now, although it's almost more than I can stand to know that she left believing I was furious with her, when I wasn't you know, just eminently frustrated.

"What you thought I was making it up or something? That I was just doing it to spite Ron? Sleeping with the one person that could cause him the most pain, just to get him back? Is that how well you know me?" And he looks downright guilty, so I'm guessing that yes, that's exactly what he thought. "_Damn_ it Harry. This is real. She loves me; she makes me feel like I've never been alive before, like I've been asleep all my life." He touches my shoulder, and unexpectedly draws me into a hug. "It's ok." I'm aware of my eyes fogging up suddenly. "Don't cry." And he brushes my face, speaking softly. "I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"How could you have even _thought_ I'd be that person?"

"I didn't mean to hurt you."

"And neither of wants to hurt Ron, can't you see that? Ginny told me once she'd felt like that about me for years, that she'd been trying to make it go away because she didn't want to cause any pain, to me or to him. And for goodness' sakes Harry I never expected us to come together the way we did. I'd never even given it a passing thought. But we have and it's the most beautiful thing to ever happen to me."  He's silent for a second, chewing his lip.

"And now?"

"Now, well that's another story I think; because I don't want to be apart from her for any longer than I have to. I'm past wondering why."

"You think that maybe…" Wow, I know what he's saying, and I can't think of a way or a reason to deny it.

"Yeah, I guess I do. Huh, it's not like I thought it would be." I sit back down and let the tears flow as they will. He sits by me and holds my hand. 

"Why does that make you cry?"

"Because," I gulp "Because it's the first time I've said it and she's not around to hear me."

"Hermione you haven't said anything yet." He looks like he's grinning a bit and that can only be a good thing. Well stuff it then, spit it out.

"I do you know Harry, I love that damned woman so much I can't think about anything else."

"I'm sorry I didn't get that before."

"So you don't want to strangle me anymore?"

"I never did Hermione, I guess I was so busy being all protective I…" He pauses and stands "I should have listened to your side more."

"We _will_ tell him you know, I just have to wait until she's ready."

"Yeah I know." He holds a hand to help me up "Shall we go look for her then?"

"No I better do that on my own. You go find Ron." Harry blushes purple "Um I'm not sure I want to find him right now, if you know what I mean." Oh dear, I get it. He looks like he's wishing something would strike him down right now for having said that. But I can't help laughing.

"It's ok Harry, I'm ok with that. I mean I really should be given the circumstances don't you think?"

"Yeah I guess."

"So I'll go find Gin and you, well I'm sure you can find some homework to do can't you?" He smiles at that one.

"You haven't changed at all."

"I'm glad you can see that. Come on, let's get out of here."

But I can't find her anywhere when I do go to look, not in the common room or the hollow, or even our room from last night. I came in to dinner wet and exhausted, hoping hunger would win out and she'd be there, I guess I forgot about her extraordinary ability to shut down her stomach when stressed. Harry looks up at me almost sympathetically as I flop down, and eat automatically. I'm so tired. I want to look over at Ron and just blurt it out, and Harry perhaps sees this because he gently leans to me and starts talking instead.

"You ok?"

"No I don't think I am. I can't get it out of my head Harry, she left thinking I was angry. It's killing me." He doesn't reply, instead he turns to Ron and asks him if he's seen Gin. Smart move. Better the question comes from him than me right now. Ron finishes his mouthful finally and replies. "No actually." Looks at me "I thought she was with you." Oh dear that was too close for comfort. Honestly my face must be scarlet by now.

"Anyway," he resumes eating "She'll turn up, she goes off by herself all the time these days, and always pops back eventually."  He stops suddenly. "But I am worried about her, I know something's wrong, she was incredibly strange over Christmas. Hey Hermione have you noticed anything that could be making her act like that?" Ah no, I do not like this question. It'd be too easy to tell him I know exactly why she's been different. How can I put this, so it's not quite a lie, yet not quite the truth?

"Um, well I do think something's bothering her, but I'm afraid you'd have to ask her yourself if you wanted to know." 

"So you do know?"

"Ron. Leave it at that."

"Alright," He shrugs "What is it with girls and secrets?" I raise an eyebrow at him as if to ask if he's any better, and he has the grace to blush.

"Point taken. So can we get back to dinner now?"

"Ah you guys eat, I'm not hungry. I'm wet and cold and I have to have a bath this very second." Hey that's one place I haven't looked yet. 

"Righto then. See you upstairs?"

"Probably."

She isn't in the bathroom though; not a trace of her in the corridors either, so I give up in the end and head back to the common room to finally get some work done, but I'm not sure how successfully I'll be able to study. I raced upstairs and grabbed a few books quickly, then left so if she did come in, I'd be right there by the fire waiting. But I end up pulling at my hair watching the boys continue their perpetual chess game, and not even glancing at my notes. Until Ron turns around and begins yammering.

"Hey we found her!" Ok Hermione, do _not leap up excitedly and demand to know where she is._

"You did?"

"Yeah, hang on, _Harry!_ Don't you bloody dare, it's my move you cheating swine." 

"Would _I_ cheat?" Harry smiles over at me.

"In a second, you –butter wouldn't melt in your mouth- rat." Aaargh, I don't want to hear banter, I want to know where she is.

"Yeah, she came in not long after dinner, didn't talk much, just said she was tired and went to bed."

"That early?" Great. If I'd been here I could have followed her while the dorm was still empty, but judging by the few people left in the room, I'm guessing that now half of them are in bed and it's too late. Dammnit. "Well I'm glad she's alright."

"I didn't say that now," Ron turns back to his game, shaking a finger at Harry "Because I'm not sure she is. But at least I know she's safely here. I'll talk to her tomorrow." Oh that wouldn't be a fairly good idea actually.

"It's ok Ron. I'll talk to her." 

"You will?"

"Sure."

"Hey thanks Hermione." He makes his move like he wasn't even thinking about it, and I think I finally understand why this is so horribly hard for her to do. He _loves_ her, wants to ensure her well-being, and when he finds out he's going to feel like she's betrayed him, which is probably how she's felt all along. Hermione you idiot it's not about _you_, it's about _them. Cursing myself for my incredible selfishness and insensitivity, I gather my gear, say goodnight and go up to bed. _

That's weird though, I don't remember closing the curtains this morning, but they're definitely closed now. I draw one side back a fraction and what I see almost makes me cry out loud with relief and joy. Ginny's curled up into my pillow, facing away from me, her chest rising and falling evenly. I study her sleeping form for a few minutes, then quietly change, shut the curtain and slip in beside her, pulling my body close to that warmth. At first I'm not even sure she's woken up, but then she rolls over rapidly, clutching my middle, laying a fiery head on my chest. 

"Hermione."

"Gin, don't you ever scare me like that again you hear me?" She holds me tighter than I would have believed possible, drawing my hollow soul into her core.

"I do love you." She breathes sleepily "But I'm so frightened…"

_'Cos I've tried and I've tried but I can't pretend_

_That you don't exist, that it's in my head_

_Or the things you said and you might have meant_

_When you crossed your arms and sat on my bed_

_Oh no, I'm not saying goodbye_

_But there's too many yellow traffic signs_

_And you're the only lullaby_

_That'll help me sleep tonight._

Sorry this took so long, I had to step back for a bit, and sort of examine where I'm going with this. I didn't like that I was starting to care more about what other people thought and not focusing. So after a mental smack in the head I think I'm back on track now.

Hey Chapter one of _Heat_ (the base for this) is up over at fictionpress.com if anyone's interested (does little happy dance) user id: 354477 Pen name Flamegrrl of course (although the search engine can't seem to find me, but trust me, I'm there!) I had to develop rampaging bronchitis to get the time off to do it in, but (coughs and splutters) I'm a happy happy cat!

Lyrics from (1) Luka Bloom 'Hudson Lady'

(2) 'On a night like this' Flamegrrl specials again!

Sweetspontaneous: I hope the trepidation was worth it! And yes, I think you definitely get to be a serial reviewer now! =;)


	15. The eye of the storm

Disclaimer: It's my (Sob) birthday tomorrow. And if you've been following my inane babble, you'll probably know what that means (howl). So if at this point I'd like to mention the disclaimer and my rear in the same sentence I'm sure you'll all understand!

15: The eye of the storm.

Eventually I got up to place the strongest sound shields and barriers I could muster around the bed, with Gin smiling gratefully at me for it. When I returned I felt an overwhelming temptation to tell her I loved her, but I didn't. Somehow I just knew that if I did, it'd be construed as sympathy, no matter how much I meant it. And I didn't want that. She snuggled back into me, and we lay together in silence, both utterly worn down from the day's events. 

"I'm sorry you know." I say after a few minutes.

"You sorry? Huh? I thought it should've been me who was."

"No, I don't think I understood, I don't think I wanted to understand why you felt so bad. I can't believe I was so selfish, all I thought about was me." I talk slowly and try to explain what I realized down in the common room, what I wish I could've known from the start, until I had only one thing left to say.

"How deep it goes for you. God Gin, I'm so sorry." She nods but doesn't say anything. We just lie curled up in the comfortable stillness, until I can feel that something's changing in the air around us. For me anyway. I wouldn't have expected to feel especially horny right now with being so emotionally drained, but it's there in a weird sort of way. I think I need to show her we're ok, to reiterate the things I might've missed last night in that explosion of desire. 

"Hermione," she whispers breathlessly "We can't"

"Shh. Just let me show you. Please"

And we've done this now what, four times? It's so different again, so quiet and slow and unbearably beautiful I could die from the sweetness she's giving off, as opposed to the fire from before. I don't even seem to care that we're in my bed, surrounded by unsuspecting sleeping classmates. I hold her still trembling against me, hoping like hell she gets what I was trying to tell her. Gin starts to roll over in my direction, but I don't let her go. 

"It's ok." And it is. I'm perfectly happy right at this moment to sleep a little, content to simply have her in my arms.

"Not for me." She moves anyway. She's damn persuasive I'll give her that. What an absolute angel I've found.

_Please take my words on this_

_I would believe just in you, just believe in you_

_I would believe just in you, just believe_

_In you…_

Ginny's Pov:

Do you remember how the other night I thought we'd worked it all out? Shows how stupid I can be sometimes I guess. Even I had no idea how hard it would be when it came down to it. But I love her, even when I'm dying inside; it's the one thing I know for sure. The thing that keeps me in her bed past sunup when I should have been long gone, with both of us knowing exactly what that might mean, but neither of us doing much about it. _As long as we're together, I can still hear her say; _there might be evil, but it won't harm us._ And I'm not entirely convinced of that yet but I'm prepared to give it a go. Like she said, it had to start somewhere and somewhere in the night I decided to agree with her._

"You could still go you know, get away before they wake up."

"I know." But I don't move and I'm silent with that decision. She snuggles her head into that space between my shoulder and breast that seems to have been made for her.

"Are you ready for this Gin?"

"About as ready as you are." She laughs softly.

"Point. What about the year's detention we're gonna get?"

"Nah, god there could be a million explanations for why I'm here." I jerk my thumb over my shoulder. "Have those two _ever slept in their own beds all night?"_

"Different situation. When you spend your whole life sleeping next to your twin and then find yourself alone. Imagine how that must feel."

"How I'd have felt last night if I was away from you." 

"I know. Um, Gin?"

"Yeah?"

"Where _did_ you go yesterday? I looked for you everywhere I could possibly think of." Yeah, I was wondering when that'd come up. But how the hell can I tell her I spent the whole evening bawling in enemy territory?

"Just to a place I used to go last year. I've got private spots hidden all over the school you know." She's quiet, and even I'm not dumb enough to believe she's not thinking about who I might have sought out. Who could've known me enough to understand.

"I wish you'd tell me who she was. I'm not going to go off my banana." I have to laugh.

"You'd never believe it if I did."

"Not one of us then."

"Um, no. That's the understatement of the millennium." Well that gave it away hands down.

"A _Slytherin?_ Wow, no wonder you've never talked about it."

"Do you really want to know? Because if you do I'll tell you, but I don't want it to change anything between us." 

"Yes." She kisses my cheek "I understand why you feel it might, but it won't. Tell me."

"Jen Greene." That's one hell of a grenade I've just thrown at her so I wait patiently for the shock to settle. Ooh boy, I hope I've done the right thing. I hope she's not taking this badly. But when she speaks she sounds almost in awe.

"You had a fling with Jen Greene. And you want me." Funny, I hadn't expected that reaction. "She's the most stunning person here and you want me. Whoa Gin that's one hell of a compliment."

"No, you are. To me." I sit up and put my arms around her shoulder. "Jen showed me I could love you, that nothing was beyond possibility but you; you've proved to me _how_ I do. There's a big difference between conventional beauty and love."

"Besides," I finish with a massive grin as she rises and starts dressing "You're extraordinarily tasty yourself you know." 

"Yeah?"

"Oh most definitely." I leap up and out of the bed, coming behind and planting a big wet smooch on her neck. "I should hope you've gotten that by now."

"Argh Gin," She shakes me off "That's like a red rag to a bull. So unless you want to get that year's detention for staying in bed all day with me I suggest you stop."

"Hey not such a bad idea." Hermione hands me her brush, refusing to be drawn in.

"Here, fix your hair and we'll go to breakfast. You must be hungry by now."

We walk over to the door eventually, and I don't even freeze or choke when there's movement behind us; I just turn and wave a cheerful good morning to the blinking girls I spent last night amongst as Hermione keeps on moving, stopping after a bit at my dorm so I can go collect my bag, waltzing in packing and leaving with lightening speed. 

"So we're alright?" She falls into step beside me.

"Of course."

"I'm still sorry for blowing up."

"I know, but it's ok. I'm sorry too, sorry for temporarily forgetting about what was important. I've never felt a fear like that before. I guess I just didn't know how to deal with it."

"But I understand why now, I really do."

"Harry was right though I think Hermione. We do need to tell him and soon, because I can't drag this out forever. I'd like to do a little of that standing up with you right about now." I lightly brush her hair as we enter the hall, not looking, not caring if anyone's watching. It's not an overt gesture, a friendly lighthearted touch to convey that we _are ok. But the look on my face, now that's another matter. Ron's running up to us. Hermione leans over and whispers, "Not now, it's not the right time. We'll know when it is."_

"Soon though."

"Yes, soon." He puts a hand to my arm.

"Feeling better Gin?"

"Heaps."

"Is everything alright?" I watch in disbelief as Hermione starts to walk over to the Slytherin table and sits down, before long chatting animatedly with Jen bloody Greene. You're fucking kidding aren't you? When Jen's boyfriend sits with them she stands and leaves.

"Well _that_ was weird." Ron's joined me in open jawed astonishment, but I'm not saying a thing about it now.

"Sorry Ron, what were you asking me before?"

"Oh yeah," He turns back to me as she reaches us "Everything alright?" Even though I know he's dying to ask what the hell she was just doing, but shit so am I. She punches me playfully in the shoulder.

"Maybe not yet Ron." Grabs me and leads me to the table. "But everything will be."

Lyrics from 'Valentine Heart' Tanita Tikaram.

Ergh getting that out was like trying to give a cat a tablet. (try it sometime, it's a memorable experience!) I guess I've been focusing more on my original stuff this week. Oh and the bronchitis and overwork and that bloody horrible thing that's happening tomorrow have all kept me a bit distracted. Didn't mean to keep you waiting!

Thanks to all those people being much too nice to me. Hey it's good though don't get me wrong. I'm a cat. Cats like that stuff!

Oh and a quick bit for colour_blue; Marriage to inanimate objects? Don't get me started on that one! I eloped with my pc about a year ago and haven't looked back! And also………….. Touchy Die!!! (hope you're laughing)

Now onto the whole separate website I should create to tell you serial reviewers how much I adore you all and appreciate what you have to say…

Goodgirlsbadboys: Mucho Thankos mate! I liked that bit too.

Missy-chan: Wow. Heady praise indeed. Thank you.

Blake: Mate you always hit the nail right on the head with what I'm thinking on this. Are you sure you're not a mind reader or anything? And that last line you said? Wow. Read above for what I said to missy-chan.

Sweetspontaneous: Feel free to gush and babble! =:) Heheheh. Hell I do most of the time! Thank you. (And yes, Luka Bloom is unbelievable)

And finally (stops for breath) To both of you. I don't want to get in the habit of putting too many notes in the fictionpress stuff, but it's important to me that you know how much I value your opinions on what I'm trying to say over there. So I'll tell you here. (Oh hang on I just did, didn't I?) And also I know _Deconstructing was a radical departure from the norm, but I needed to say it. So thanks guys…_


	16. Stop laughing, this is serious!

Hmmn, let's see; couple good jumpers, conv high tops (Red ones! Yay!) Gift voucher for tasty Heineken, (Thanks dad!) Case of beer and incredibly delish cake (Ok I _like_ working here!) groovy fibre optic lamp (Love ya best mate!) Yummy USB scanner. (Mum goddammnit I asked for a time turner bugger it!) Well. Maybe I should have birthdays more often! Oh um, maybe on reflection that's not such a good idea!!!

Disclaimer: Ok ok so I _might_ have the initials jk in my name, but duh, they're the _last two, not the first two. So that should clear up any confusion as to who I am and how much I'm making out of this. (I.e. Squat.)_

(I share far too much with you all don't I? Ah well, you gotta love anonymity!)

16: Stop laughing this is serious!

 Hermione's Pov:

She eyed me somewhat appreciatively as I sat opposite her. Then she threw back her coal black mane and laughed.

"I thought it was you." I meet her gaze, not backing away. I want to dislike her but I don't sense any threat at all coming from this woman.

"You didn't know?"

"Know?" She laughs again "Fuck no, Ginny's got much more tact than that. I thought you would have known." I don't even bother to reply to her.

"So why are you here then Granger? Surely you don't think of me as the opposition?"

"I guess I just needed to hear it."

"Well I'll tell you. I'm not."

"But why then?"

"Why what? Why did I pounce on her?" Ah you have no idea how much I want to strangle her for saying that. She eats voraciously, almost forgetting I'm there. "Because I knew I could. Is that enough for you?" Hermione concentrate on the hands in your lap, not on slapping her one, even if you really want to. "I'm going to try _everything_ that life might have to offer me and you're fooling yourself if you think she wasn't a willing participant. But yeah I do know it's different for Ginny."

"But she came to _you_ last night, not to me and I need to know why." She grins sardonically over at me.

"Ever been in love Granger?"

"Not before now."

"Ok." She takes a huge swig of juice "I always knew from hearing Ginny talk that there was someone on the fringes, like I said I thought it might've been you. The few occasions we were together it was always like there was this other person between us. Well. Fine with me. But I think I got to know her a bit and maybe last night she just needed a friend."

"You're friends?"

"I hope so. She's a damned good woman. You're fucking lucky."

"If she's so good to you why aren't you together?"

"Because she doesn't want me, she wants you. And also because it's just not _for_ me if you know what I mean." It's beyond my comprehension I must say that someone could be with Gin and not want to hold on forever, but shit I'm not going to argue. Jen pats my hand. "You're not a bad kid either Granger. I've no doubts about being Ginny's friend, so even if it hurts my house pride to admit this, I'd be here for either of you if you needed it." I look over my shoulder at the two of them standing staring at me.

"That might happen sooner than you think."

"Of course. Kind of surreal that you end up with your ex boyfriend's sister isn't it?" As much as she's shitting me with her arrogance and assumption, the offer of a supportive hand when we'll soon need it is too good to pass up.

"You mean that?"

"I care about her. Do you love her?"

 "Yeah," I scratch my head "I do."

"Then I guess I care about you too, even if by default."

"Thank you." She turns and smiles at someone coming, a dizzying specimen, even I'll admit.

"Hark," She kisses him. "The blond god approaches." Ew this is all getting a bit too bloody weird for me. Too many familiar faces; Gin, me, Ron and a brief encounter with Jen Greene who now seems to be going out with…

"Malfoy. Morning." I'm in a bad soap opera right? I must be.

"Granger." He looks over me coolly "Kind of unfamiliar territory for you isn't it?"

"Just leaving." I get up. "Thank you Jen."

"For what?" He buts in.

"Just a bit of help for Ginny." She serves him out some eggs as he snorts.

"What she couldn't ask for it herself? Figures." I walk away calmly and slowly, ignoring his last taunt. What else do you expect from Slytherins? But Jen, while having most of those detestable traits seems to be almost human underneath it all, and it's nice to have an ally, I think. We'll be needing one shortly.

The rain finally eases up as Ginny wraps her arms around me and kisses me with grass all over her face. It's so strange to be back here now in the daylight and every thing around us reminds me of that night we began. 

"I missed you today." She breathes and kisses me again, though for quite a bit longer this time.

"Me too." The smell of her mingles with the fragrance of cut grass and rain. It's unbelievably good.

"Thank you for explaining this morning to me."

"Thought you'd be wondering what the hell I was doing."

"She's not pure evil you know Hermione. She's a good person somewhere in there."

"I could see that." Gin lies down next to me, staring up at the clearing sky and she takes my hand, still breathing hard after that gorgeous snogging session.

"I feel so much better now. So free. Like we could beat anything."

"You still feel bad though Gin, I know it's still there."

"Yeah, but I think that's to be expected. I've just come to accept that it will never totally go away. I also have to remember what you said." I grin.

"Which part?"

"You know, about it taking two. Put it this way, I don't feel like the devil incarnate anymore."

"I'm glad." I say simply and roll over into her body. But there's a question I'm bursting to ask, not because I'm jealous but frankly because I'm damned curious as to how that could have happened.

"Um…" She looks up at me.

"You want to know about Jen don't you?"

"Is that ok?" I squeak back.

"I reckon it's another of those 'do you really want me to tell you?' questions Hermione."

"I do though, really. I'm just a bit astonished by the whole thing." She laughs deep in her belly.

"So was I. You remember start of term last year? When I crashed and burned at tryouts?"

"You did that deliberately, I've always thought that."

"Yeah I did. I just didn't want to be there, I got dragged along by Ron kicking and screaming and when we got underway and I found out I'd be in direct competition with him I couldn't do it. I was already craving you, wanting something he wanted I couldn't make it worse for myself. I forfeited I guess."

"You could've beaten him?"

"We'll never know."

"Anyway, anyway, don't change the subject." But inside I'm marveling at her drive and determination to try and do the right things, even when the choice between the two is as clear as mud, or there's just no _right thing to do. She amazes me further every day._

"I went for a walk when it was over, skirting the boundaries of the forest. Wanting to berate myself a bit more and needing to be alone. Then Jen came skidding down next to me and started talking about how we had a lot in common."

"Wow."

"You're not wrong." Gin sits up and runs her hands through my hair. "I stood there like a stunned mullet while she was telling me about how she could _see_ what most couldn't, how she knew I was different. And then we were basically standing staring at each other until…" Her voice trails off, looking up I note she's gone a little red and doesn't seem to want to continue. 

"The affair began." I finish for her.

"More or less."  And her tone is definitely one of please don't make me keep going. Actually, I'm pretty sure I've heard enough now, just one more question.

"But it ended."

"Yeah," She moves away from me a little, obviously wanting to distance herself from the whole conversation. "When she started seeing you-know-who. I, I mean would _you_ want to snog someone who'd just been snogging…" 

"Eeeeew Gin! That's dis_gus_ting!"

"Exactly. She wanted to keep me on as a fling I think, but _icky, I had enough to worry about without feeling ill. So the strangest thing happened, we became friends instead."_

"Weird. But good for me." Gin just smiles like the proverbial cat with the cream.

"Me too." She lies back down next to me and we lay looking into the sun. Peace, such a wonderful sensation of calmness and radiance as she grabs my hand again. We don't speak. I don't think words are necessary right now. Until my stomach starts making ominous noises.

"Should we go get ready to eat?" 

"Hmmn," She rolls over grinning darkly, her face blocking out the light and framing those serious features in shadow. "I'm hungry alright." I laugh in spite of my appetite and lean up to capture her lips with my own. 

"It's never enough is it?"

"I never want to ever have had enough of you." She drops her mouth down to mine again. We could stay like this forever I think, devouring each other instead of considering food. She shifts her grip to place her hands under the hollow of my back, bringing me closer, becoming more insistent; climbing, spiraling and just on the point of soaring free and letting it all go…

**_"Bloody Hell!!!" _**Then stunned, still silence.

Oh God, I can't even begin to imagine what this scene must look like. Ginny lifting her head in slow motion, gazing up through her hair at the owners of the boots behind my ears. She's still on top of me for goodness' sakes! I tilt my own head backward to find myself staring into the speechless eyes of two very male, very Weasley faces…

Aw c'mon don't complain, I haven't handed out a good cliffy in _ages!_  Heheheh, I had to do it.

Yeah I know I'm slowing up here, but I'm busy as! And I did have this chap ready a week ago but fanfiction wouldn't let me upload! But _yay_, holidays soon! No more work for ooooh ages! Tragically I'll probably spend the whole time writing assorted bits of oddments! (Breaks into song again) Yes sir that's my pc, no sir I don't mean maybe… (Ok shoot me now, please)(But let me finish this first!)

Missy-chan; Thanks mate! It did turn out to be a good day in a weird sort of way, even if I was dreading it!

Ja; Hey cool! I'm glad you like this, although I'm not sure I deserve such praise! Thanks for liking Heat too, meant a lot.

Chain; Awwww… (blushes)

Person; See above!

Blake; Here's hoping I continue to be oddly hilarious for a good while to come! I don't have the words to tell you what your friendly views help me to keep trying for!  (Insert colloquialism here) Yr a bloody legend mate! And thanks for worrying, I think I've almost shaken it now. Ta! P.S the day itself was ok in the end, but as you know the hangover was monumental!

Sweetspontaneous; (Holds up tasty cold beverage in solidarity) To cat scratches and coffee! I think fanfiction must've had a meltdown the night you left your review, because while I got it at hotmail, I've yet to see it pop up here! Anyway… Hey etceteras rock! Glad you love it, hope it stays beautiful until the end! 


	17. The Bottom Line

Whywhywhywhy? Sorry, that's all I'm capable of in the way of babble right now, lucky for you huh?

Disclaimer: I don't feel much like giving you a disclaimer at this point but, oh ok, I am not JKR. (Aw c'mon, _why?)_

Ginny's Pov:

I got to my feet slowly, surveying the suddenly shaky ground beneath me. Then I felt Hermione stand next to me and it gave me a strength I wouldn't have thought I had five minutes ago. _"Stand up with me and be proud of what we've achieved here." Yes love. I can do that. _

"Bill," I say evenly "Charlie." Nodding my head in their directions, "Didn't expect to see you two here." They've both got their mouths hanging open and haven't said a thing. Who's going to be the first to crack? I'm conscious of how bad we look with grass all over us and clothing totally askew, but I return their stares unashamedly, because right now, I'm not.

"Didn't. Expect. To. See. _Us?" Bill finally spits out and puts his hands in his pockets. "Gin you always did have a gift for understatement." Then silence from all four of us again. Standing looking _anywhere_ but at each other. Hermione starts talking. And I just knew it'd be her._

"Oh this is ridiculous. Will someone please say _something?" I wave my hand at my brothers, I can't help it, the whole thing's just damn funny all of a sudden._

"Hiya. Sorry about the surprise." Bill starts laughing eventually, almost in convulsions.

"Don't have a fit Bill." I'm starting to get worried

"Oh dear, whew." He wipes his face and comes over to enfold me in his arms. It feels good and warm and safe, the way it always did, so perhaps he's not planning on excommunicating me from his life then.

"Bloody hell Gin, mum told us you were seeing someone but I'd never have guessed who. Well I was right in a way. You certainly did turn out to be the dark horse of us all."

"Does Ron know?" Charlie buts in, not looking angry, but not looking especially happy either. Something more there though, I can tell. What could be causing the indeterminable look he's got? Hermione grasps my hand.

"Charlie, Ron doesn't own me you know; did you not hear we'd broken up ages ago? Or why? For god's sake take that scowl off your face." He shuffles back in embarrassment, can't say I blame him, I wouldn't go anywhere _near her when she's mad._

"Yeah I'm sorry, bit taken aback that's all." No, that's not it. I know there's more.

"For what it's worth," Bill's saying "I had a fair idea anyway."

"Glad to hear it. Guys I'm not going to explain all this again, we're together. That's it. And if you wanna know more ask mum."

"No Gin." She squeezes "That's not fair. As frustrating as it's going to be _everyone_ is entitled to an explanation. We can't just dump it on them like that." Oh god, alright. I sigh deeply and launch into a condensed version of what I told mum, helped along the way by this stunningly capable woman by my side. The feeling of shared strength finally breaking the last of the heaped up guilt and blame I'd taken it upon myself to claim as my own responsibility. I try to tell them how I'd fought it for so long, but in the end I could no longer deny that I felt the way I did and there wasn't any way to change it.

"So yes, Herm's my girlfriend." I find myself saying. Whoo, where did that come from? But oh shit it felt _so good to say that._

"I _am?_" She jumps into my arms and almost kisses me then and there.

"Well _duh_ Hermione. Of course you are." I'm grinning like an idiot, standing holding her off the ground, feet dangling helplessly at my mid thigh. 

"Ok now we've got that settled could you put me down?"

"Hey you're the one who leapt up here." She looks up at me almost with wonder and touches her hand to my cheek. It's far too intimate considering that Bill and Charlie are watching, but I can see that Bill's smiling. Well, I always was his favourite. And even Charlie's holding back a grin. Unusual isn't it? That's my family. Quick to flare; at the same time though, quick to see things as they are and accept whatever's right even if it's difficult or messy. Mum and Dad did that. Here's hoping to hell and back the boys can do it too.

"You know I think I liked hearing that."

"Not half as much as I enjoyed saying it."

"So…" I deposit her gently on the grass and she turns to me, shyly and slyly. "I guess that makes you _my_ girlfriend then eh?"

"I sincerely hope so." I giggle. Charlie coughs and I'm reminded that we're not alone. We both pivot around to face them again.

"You know you two still look like I've hit you over the head with something extremely heavy."

"How would you like to stumble upon me making out frantically with a guy you thought was my best friend?"

"Oh Charlie yuck! Ok I get your point; I wouldn't eat for a week." Hang on didn't I just miss something there?

"_Guy?_" Hermione stutters. Ah yeah, that would be it. I cock my head questioningly at him.

"Something you wanted to tell me then Charlie?"  Why do I feel so angry all of a sudden? _You could've told me, helped me, but no you let me carry this on my own. Don't tell me you couldn't see what was going on. If the most self-obsessed of my brothers could, then you should've been able to. I must look like an approaching storm because he stares at his boots sheepishly, then raises his eyes to mine and smiles apologetically._

"Don't jump to conclusions Gin, I didn't abandon you. I'm afraid we don't all have your guts."

"Huh?"

"You understand that it's not always easy right? I couldn't just jump in and wade through like you. I'd long left school before I would admit that I felt something different. Hell, I only just told mum!" I glance over at Bill, who's standing calmly so I guess he already knew.

"And that's why…"

"I'm here. Mum thought it'd be good for us to have a chat. Thought I'd accompany Bill here on his little trip, come and see how you were doing." Why am I laughing again?

"Pretty damn good until you showed up and spoiled it all actually. Geez, you could've come back in an hour or so."

"_Gin!_" Hermione elbows me in the ribs, but the guys seem to be cracking up all over. 

"Um," Bill begins "Take it from me you would not have wanted that. Look." He points to a distant figure approaching, just visible from the top of the hollow's hill. It's unmistakable from the stance as to just who it is.

"Bill, you didn't tell him to meet you here, please tell me you didn't do that, aw no dammnit, this is _my_ place."

"_Our_ place." Another elbow, a bit harder this time.

"Sorry you're right. Our place, oh goddammnit. There it goes." As bad as it sounds, all I can think of is how we've just lost one of the few spaces we had to be alone together. She touches my shoulder and leans up to my ear.

"It's ok. We'll find other spots." It's not just that though, how can I explain to them that what happened here was sacred to me and I wouldn't have wished to tarnish it in any way, especially not this way because I know, I just _know_ it's going to happen. Right here, right now. I only hope we're ready for the fallout. Charlie gives me a long searching look.

"You haven't told him have you?"

"We were kind of waiting for the right time, not that there's ever going to be one."

"And we _had_ broken up you know," Hermione suddenly feels the need to exclaim and she's gripping my hand like a vice.

"I know that." Bill reassures her. "I know you both well enough to know you wouldn't have been seeing each other behind his back. Pity he didn't seem to have those standards."

"It's alright. I was never mad at him so much as furious he hadn't just come out and told me. You guys are so damn impulsive, all of you. I can almost understand why in a way." She spins on her heel to face me, eyes full of laughter. "But you even _contemplate _something like that Gin and I'll dangle you upside down on a tower for a week." The three of us back away like frightened rabbits at the merest hint of her getting angry, even in jest. "Anyway, I truly believe he's sorry for lying about it now, and if he's happy doing what he's doing then I'm happy for him you know?" 

"He may not feel as charitable as you in a second."

"Bugger him then, I've never felt so good in my life. I'm not apologizing for that." She drops my hand somewhat reluctantly as Ron's almost on top of us at this point, waving and smiling, clapping Bill and Charlie on the back, standing between them.

"Hey guys! Wow it's great to see you here."

"What exactly _are_ you here for anyway Bill?"  I have to divert attention from the grass in my hair Ron seems to be curiously examining.

"I'm going to put in a couple of days as a kind of instructor for DADA, I got asked before Christmas if I'd come and demonstrate what I knew about ancient curses. Finally got the time to come eventually."

"How about you then Charlie?" Ron's jumping up and down like a happy puppy with no way of knowing just how fraught with danger that question is. Charlie's mouth sets and he simply says it.

"I came to see Gin." Is it just me or has a definite dark shadow suddenly come down to perch on top of our heads? Ron goes quiet, _everyone goes quiet. Oh god, here we go. Thank the stars for the sometime obtuseness of this particular brother though because he's just looking at Charlie blankly. _

"To see Gin?" He glances over at me again. "Why?" 

"We have a bit of a common denominator it seems. Mum thought it'd be good if we were able to get together for a while."

"I don't get it." You could cut the air with a blunt rusty butter knife I'm telling you.

"Oh for goodness' sakes Ron, Charlie's gay you idiot!" Hermione shouts. Ron scratches his eyebrow, so used to being told he's a goose by her that it's just water off his back by this stage. Actually I think he's only just realized she's here as well.

"You are?"

"I am."

"Oh ok, like a bonding thing then huh? Well that's good then isn't it?" And things _would_ have been good, possibly fine even. If only he hadn't started to note aloud that we were both totally covered in grass clippings with hair at impossible angles.

"What the hell have you two been doing? Wrestling a troll or something?" And maybe we would have got away with it for a bit longer if Hermione hadn't started to rebutton the shirt I'd been busy loosening about half an hour ago, then taking my hand again and plunging right in.

"And what's more Ron, there's something I, no _we need to tell you." Why is she not screaming in pain? Surely I've broken a couple of fingers by now with the death grip I'm giving her._

"There is?" He's got this look on his face; kind of 'You're not going to say what I think you are, are you?' I hold my breath, close my eyes and wait…

"Yes. You see, it would appear these days that I am too."

Want a quick spoiler? Two words: Thermonuclear explosion. Stay tuned!

Ja: Sorry! I've been busy and I guess more into original stuff lately. Hope it was worth the wait!

Missy-Chan: Thanks mate! I must say I've been leaning more towards the other story these days, so I'm sorry this took so long!

The Reanimated Raynor: Starcraft category? There's a Starcraft category? Right that's it; I'm off to fulfill some long-held Sarah Kerrigan fantasies! Heheheh, thanks for saying that mate, I had to look up shoujoai to get what you meant, but once I did, I was extraordinarily flattered. More plot twists coming right 'atcha! (Mainly because I live for drama, but oh well…)

Blake: Evil, aren't I? Ok I won't do that again for a while. You know when I read that I nearly adapted it to be the twins, but I thought I'd stick to my (very loose by now, this no longer resembles heat in the slightest) game plan. P.S You can uncross your toes now mate…

Sweetspontaneous: You know I nearly gave you a sneak preview this morning! Ah well, it's probably good I didn't huh? Anyway much, much too nice to me! Thank you for the patience because god knows this took forever! As usual? Gee, that meant more to me than a lot of gush I must say. Thank you.

And again, to both of you: 365 days… intensely private and personal and hard to post. What can I say apart from I don't know_ what to say. And thank you more then I could begin to verbalise without sounding ridiculous. (which I probably already do eh?)_

P.P.S Blake: It is possible to hug and applaud at the same time, but you just end up looking kind of like a seal trying to smack its fins together! (Sorry, that cracked me up. I had to respond!)


	18. I'd take you into the night

(Stumbles around blindly) Can't write, need berrocca, hang on,(Grits teeth and swallows) Ah… that's better, hey sorry, I didn't realize that the last chap ended in a cliffy! I really didn't mean it to be that way. Forgive me? There's gonna be _a lot of Pov changes in this chap, something I don't usually do. But I need to do it this way. It's a big thing that's happening and can't be told from one perspective._

Disclaimer: I don't own anything of value apart from my work tools and Ray-bans and a few lovely techy toys, so I'm probably not the creator of HP then hey?

18: I'd take you into the night. (Yes I did pinch that line from a song, but can't for the life of me think of it's name)

_Yeah I had something here to believe in_

_I had something more to say_

_But your face blocks out the angels and I_

_Put the security away_

_I had something I wanted to tell you_

_With more strength than I could employ_

_I held my heart in my hands and I_

_Leapt into the void _

Hermione's Pov:

I could tell you a lot of things I'd have expected to happen once I'd dropped that gem on his head. What I didn't expect was for him to come to me, pull me into a bear hug and grin. "Funny Hermione. Real damn funny." Oh my god, honestly is he being deliberately thickheaded or what? "Cracked me up, that did. Now what were you _really _doing? Was Gin trying to improve your woeful flying skills?" Aaargh. Honestly, I could strangle him; I mean there's not a blasted broom in sight.

I looked over at Gin, seeking some authorization that it'd be alright to proceed. Her face is pale, but stoic and resolved, and so beautiful that whatever happens here or after, no matter how bad it is, her eyes, they make all pain worthwhile and endurable. She nods infinitesimally…

Ginny's Pov:

"Actually Ron, before Bill and Charlie came along Gin and I were snogging madly, and hoping to go a fair sight further than that before dinnertime if that's what you wanted to know." I heard her say that, I did, but I'm having trouble convincing my ears of the fact. Ron's eyes bulge out slightly.

"I don't believe you." Time's slowed down to the consistency of cold treacle suddenly.  Bill moves in slow motion to my side. Charlie steps back until he's next to Hermione. 

"It's true." I find myself saying. He shakes his head in doubt.

"No. It can't be."

"Would you like a demonstration? I'd quite willingly provide you with one." She says angrily. Bill erupts into giggles and leans down to me.

"No demonstrations ok? Once was enough for me."

"A _what?!_" He's glancing wildly from me to her, taking in our linked hands. "You've got to be shitting me." 

"I don't think they're shitting you Ron," Charlie speaks lowly "It certainly didn't look that way when we arrived." I'm not sure if that was the best way to put it though Charlie, because Ron's now pacing about in a tight circle, shaking his head and muttering to himself. He flashes a wild looking eye in my direction.

"You were _snogging?_ You've been…Oh no, you couldn't have been."

"I can assure you that we were. And that we have been and will continue to do so." Yeah good one Hermione. Tactful like a smack to the scone with a large lump of wood. Ok, maybe the time for tact has passed, maybe it's just time now to jump in the deep end and get this over with.

"We're, for want of a better word Ron, going out. I'm sorry that this is going to upset you." A gift for understatement? Man, I'm the undisputed master of it. He continues to pace.

"She's your _girlfriend_?" I wouldn't have really wanted to hear it said that way, but her reply sends little perverse shivers up my spine anyhow.

"And Ginny's mine Ron, whether you like it or not." He's been extremely controlled up to this point you know, the explosion must be coming soon.

"_OF COURSE I DON'T FUCKING LIKE IT_!" Ah, there it is. "When did this happen? _How did this happen? I don't fucking believe it. Gin, how could you do this to me?" Bill starts to move towards him but Ron brushes him off furiously._

"Take it easy mate."

"I will not take it frigging easy! Hermione, how could you? With my _sister_?"

"Don't you think you lost the right to care about who I was seeing when we broke up? I mean you do remember _why we broke up don't you?" Now she's getting a head of steam up and I know it's about to get extremely ugly. _

"I don't really think that's the point. With my sister? I didn't even know you were…"

"Oh shut up Ron will you? Neither did I. Does it matter?" He looks like he's having an apoplectic fit.

"Does it matter? Does it fucking _matter? C'mon Hermione. Did you do this just to get back at me?" Oh dear, now he's being incredibly stupid, she's gonna go off her brain in a second. "How could you use her like that?" Now he's done it. Ron seems to be transferring all blame onto her shoulders in an attempt to rationalize what he's just heard. It couldn't have been me could it? Oh no, not his precious baby sister, I'd never do anything like that would I? But I did. And that heaped up guilt? It's back. With reinforcements. I sit down on the grass and stare aimlessly into the lake. I can feel something happening behind my eyes._

"_Use_ her? My god Ron you're an insensitive clod sometimes. How _dare you insult your sister like that? Isn't it possible that we might just like each other? Without any input from you thank you very much, the world doesn't revolve around _you._" Charlie sits and puts his arm around me, pulling me in softly and whispering "It'll be ok Gin. Hold on." Because you know I'm crying again. I look up at the two of them squaring off, feel the warmth of Charlie holding me, and search for the last of my nerve._

"Oh _yeah_ Ron, I put myself through years of hell and doubt and restraint just to piss you off. Grow up."

"All this time? All this time I've been worrying about what was wrong with you and it was _this_?" He gives me a glance of pure venom, and it hurts, it hurts like fuck. I knew it would be bad, I just didn't know how bad. "What happened to that Slytherin you were snogging? Wasn't that enough for you?"

"What?" Bill and Charlie's heads snap up. "You were?" Oh god, let me die now please. Ron seems surprised that Hermione's not reacting to that bit of news in the slightest. What's he trying to do?

"You knew about that?"

"Come off it Gin, half the school knew about that. Malfoy took great delight in spreading it around."

"It was a damn sight more than snogging anyway, fuck it. I don't care if you know."

"It was?" He's gone purple. "Dammnit you're too good for that creature. I'll strangle her." Hermione steps in between him staring down at me.

"Then you might want to strangle me too." Christ, this just gets better and better.

Hermione's Pov:

"You're _kidding_!" He screams. "You haven't." I look down at Gin, at her ghostlike face. I give her a small grin and she thankfully returns it shakily. She's so beautiful. I think of the way she looked at me that night we came back to school, how she told me she loved me, and how unbelievable that made me feel. I remember her looking up at me through hair hanging down over her brow. She was smiling then and it held love and indescribable joy. But now she's white and shaking. I can't begin to imagine how badly she must be hurting. Part of me knows that Ron's reaction is just his typical blowing up and that eventually he'll return to normal, maybe a bit longer than it would usually take this time though. I don't think that Ginny knows that at this point however. She must be convinced that he'll never forgive her, the way she told her mum he wouldn't. No. I can't let him do this to her.

"You've been joined at the hip forever lately, but no way, you couldn't have."

"In more ways than one." I shoot back. Bill coughs up a small laugh, snorting into his hand.

"My sister? You shagged my _sister?" Good lord, why is he being so unreasonable? Has he not realized yet that sometimes things just _happen_ without any seeming reason or logical explanation? He looks like he's torn between wanting to hate her for doing what we did, or hating me for the simple fact that she's his little sister. I hear a small voice coming up from the ground._

"I'm in love with Hermione Ron, I always have been. I didn't mean for it to happen, and I never wanted to hurt anyone." He stands glaring down at her.

"Obviously you weren't thinking about that when you two were busy chonking." Right. That's it.

"Ron you insufferable selfish asshole. Stop and think about this would you?"

What's there to think about? My sister and my ex-girlfriend are happily playing together and I'm supposed to be happy for you?"

"Well yes, you pea brain, it'd be nice to think you could be. I _am_ happy. Happier than I can recall ever being. And if you seriously believe that Ginny and I did this simply to tick you off then you have a major god complex that years of therapy won't resolve." There. That appears to have shut his trap for a minute. Ginny opens her mouth again.

"I never _stopped_ thinking about it if you're concerned about that. Every day for years I'd wake up and try to shake these damn thoughts out of my head. I tried everything I could think of to make it go away. Nothing worked, no avoidance, no flings, nothing. I tried. Even after we'd gotten together, I nearly couldn't go through with it because I was so worried about how you'd react."

"What about family Gin? What about love? Don't you know there are some things you just don't _do?_" Come on baby, get up, get up, fight, stand up and roar, show me that you love me, that I matter, I silently plea. And I watch in utter amazement as she shakes herself free of Charlie and comes to me with open arms and a look of defiance. 

"What about love? Can't you see I'm _in love? It doesn't mean I love you any less you moron. Don't you think I nearly killed myself with worrying about what was right or wrong? Shit Ron get over that ego of yours and see this for what it is."_

"What I see," He pouts petulantly "Is two people at this school who I thought I could trust totally betraying me."

"Alright Ron." I shake my head at the ground and take her hand, ready to lead her away. "If that's the way you want it to be. But I remind you of this. Gin's your sister. Who always loved you and always will. Who loves me." He turns his head to seek confirmation of how right he is from Bill and Charlie, but they're now standing together arms folded, giving him a look that plainly says 'You are being a dick Ron.' I decide to drop the clanger.

"Who I happen to love." The guys are beaming. Ginny just stops dead in her tracks and gapes at me. 

"You _do?_" There's that look again, that look of complete love and wonder I saw before. Oh yeah, it makes it worthwhile all right.

"I do." I confirm. "Sorry you had to find out under these circumstances. Come on," I start to walk off, "Let's go, there's no point saying anymore, he doesn't want to listen." Charlie trots over.

"Want us to come with you?"

"No." I say, pointing my thumb back at a now dumbfounded Ron "Stay here and sort him out. We need to be alone."

Ginny's Pov:

She held my hand all the way back to the castle, striding quickly and purposefully through the entrance hall and leading me straight up to the library. After a perfunctory glance to check no-one could see, she muttered a password to the portrait in the corner and led me down the corridor into the room of shadows. I could still hear the ghosts of our night here echoing off the walls. She dropped my hand and let me slide down to the floor, where I crossed my legs and promptly put my head in my hands. I feel so numb. Hermione hovers above me. 

"You're ok Gin."

"Maybe." I shrug. But before I can say anymore I start to shake violently and uncontrollably. She sits next to me and draws me into her arms. It feels so good, but I'm wrecked inside all the same. Hermione simply holds me firm, lets me be quiet for a while. 

"That," She mutters softly, sounding as drained as me. "Was probably similar to walking through hell buck naked in front of all our families. Which is what we just did I think."

"I didn't know it would be that bad." I manage to offer. She kisses my hair gently.

"I had an idea it would be. I hoped it wouldn't be. But I was wrong. It was." My body's trembling still and it's got nothing to do with cold this time.

"If I could fly," She speaks "I'd take us somewhere very far away right now." I laugh.

"You always were a rotten flier. But I love you anyway."

"And I love you. You have to know I mean that Gin."

"I know." I pause, trying not to choke on any word that might stumble out of my mouth. It's coming, I can sense it. 

"Gin." She lies down and brings my head onto her shoulder. "It's alright, I'm here. Let it go." And it's coming faster like an onrushing train, I feel it start from my abdomen and run up through my stomach, my lungs, and my throat.

"It's ok baby, it's ok, let it out." She says. I sink my teeth into her shoulder not at all gently and _howl._

Lyrics from "Your changing face." Another of my little bits and pieces. Mine. Don't touch. Or I'll stalk you. =;-)

Whew. That was hard. Anyway…

Darkangelbaby: Oui mon capitaine! Posted as requested!

The Executioner: How about we both bow simultaneously and try not to butt heads in the process? Heehee. Thank you. And for the B'day wishes as well. But I've dealt with it now. I'm just damn old and that's all there is to it. (Even if I still act like I'm 12!)

Noelle: I'm getting there, I'm getting there. Patience is a virtue! Thanks.

Ja: Well you know, _I'm_ kind of pure evil sometimes, so…Of course I don't mind, I kind of sort of maybe enjoy reviews in any shape or form. (Did I just say that? Erk, smack me one now please!) P.S I really don't mean to write cliffies, at least I don't set out to, sometimes it just happens that way you know?

Blake: Yeah I know I told you I'd have this ready by yesterday, but you know the strangest thing happened; there was this big purple monster you see in my kitchen and I…Ok, ok I'll tell the truth. My book club finally delivered, so I ran as fast as my legs could carry me to the post office and then I actually turned _off_ the pc, settled into the couch with a few longnecks of brew, chucked 'Riverside' into the cd player and sat contentedly reading for the rest of the afternoon! (Good enough excuse?) As always, you're far too nice to me! (But that's ok. I still like it!)

The Reanimated Raynor: Hey that's the way I am. You ask. You get. Hey I have to be good to you; you're a fellow starcrafthead, which makes you pretty damn sexy in my opinion. (Just a figure of speech, don't worry!)

Sweetspontaneous: Breathe! Breathe! Yes, I agree, horrible, horrible things, I'm still in shock, but I don't guess I'll wail here either because let's face it, I talk too much as it is! =;-) I don't think this chap was funny, but I hope you still like it.

Love you all, see you soon. L


	19. It is what it is

Hey declarations of love, proposals of marriage, statements of addiction. Bloody hell this fic has more of a life than I do!

(Ok Blue, Lucky, you two had sneak peeks, go straight to paragraph two!)(How do you get sneak peeks? Tip: Don't chat. I can't help myself, I'm totally hopeless. I just blurt it out. I won't be winning any secret keeper comps in the near future!)

Disclaimer: *looks down* Hmmn, fluffy tiger slippers and moo cow pj's at 10am, no prizes for guessing who I'm not then huh?

19: It is what it is.

_So tell me why should it have to be this way_

_Why can't it be alright?_

_Why can't I sleep at night?_

_Why should it have to be this way?_

_Why must there be this price to pay?_

"Hey." Harry stuck his head around the door. "Is it ok if I come in?" I'm glad he didn't turn up five minutes ago. I'd sworn I wouldn't cry, that I'd be stronger than I ever thought I could be in order to give her some stability, something to hold on to. But when she unleashed that almost primeval scream of pain before, it tugged at every part of my being. And it hurt more than the teeth embedded in my skin. I found myself fighting the urge to let it fly myself and then I stopped and thought why fight? Just because Gin had been the one doing most of the bawling so far didn't mean I didn't need to as well. But I so wanted to be strong for her; I wanted this to be about Gin not about me. She looked at my face, at the solitary tear running down my cheek, at me struggling to hold it all in. Then she said something that surprised me totally, placing a fingertip on the source of the leak. "We're in this together." Repeating my earlier words. I held back for the tiniest bit longer and then gave in, pleased to see that this was almost an affirmation in Gin's eyes. _Like me, you can feel it like me._ It was a dam bursting as we cried, rocking slightly and just letting the poison inside out of our systems. It felt more of a declaration of our togetherness than any claims of love or lust. Acknowledging that we'd just been through one of the most horrible experiences of our lives and it was a shared pain, we endured it _together._ And I started to see just how much we really meant to each other, more than anyone could ever, truly understand, deeper than I could have believed possible. And how much that'd brought us closer in. Once we felt capable of getting off the floor, I knew that nothing'd ever put us there again. By the time Harry popped his head in we were sitting against the wall, still softly sniffling, but calmer and contentedly embracing, relaxing to the rise and fall of our breathing. He crouched down to his haunches and studied us closely.

"I don't need to ask what it must've been like." Gin mumbles into my shoulder.

"No. You don't."

"I'll go if you want. I'm sorry if me coming here has upset you. I just wanted to make sure you were going to be ok. Both of you."

"No," Gin straightens "Don't go, I'm sorry Harry; it's just that this room…"

"Was the only untainted place we had left?" I finish for her. 

"Yeah." She sniffs. Harry looks a bit baffled.

"Place?" And then he blushes again. "Oh. _Here? And __there?"_

"It's not really about that though." I feel he should know. "There's more to us than that."

"I know, I heard from Charlie."

"What'd he say?" Gin demands indignantly.

"Gin," Harry smiles. "He only told me what you told him. I saw that the other day anyway. You don't have to explain love to me." He flops on the floor facing us. "I've been trying to find you two for ages, looked everywhere, the guys still are."

"How _did_ you know to come here?" 

"The other day. When I saw your face as I headed for this room. I knew. At the time it annoyed me, but now I, well I guess I understand." He laughs. "We're going to have to develop a sign or something so I don't come in here to think and go blind from what I see." Oh the incredible wave of sweet relief that's come over me. 

"Harry we're not constantly shagging you know." Gin obviously doesn't appear to share that relief. "I mean god knows I wish we were sometimes, but that's beside the point." It's funny. Hearing her say that made me see clearly. She can still joke about us. We'll be fine. "Sometimes it's just about having a space to be alone."

"Gin. Listen to me." Harry speaks slowly and deeply. "I know about places you need to keep sacred, memories you can't spoil. Trust me I know about that. I am not here to ruin whatever went on in this room for you. I'm here to offer what support I can, I'm here as your friend, as someone who loves you both." He takes her hand, looks into her eyes then mine. "Don't think that I could do that to anyone else when it's been done too often to me." 

"Yesterday, when we were talking after Gin left." I but in. "That was it wasn't it?" 

"Yeah. Even an idiot could see how it was. I don't know what happened exactly but when we were alone I saw it on your face and I couldn't be angry when you were plainly very happy."

"Shame you can't transfer that sensibility onto… shit forget it." Gin barks bitterly. "Speaking of idiots, where is the poor suffering darling?"

"I don't know. I went to eat and all of a sudden Bill and Charlie appeared, pulled me aside and told me what'd happened." He glances at me with almost an expression of guilt. "Hermione I'd never have insisted you tell him if I'd known."

"Not your fault Harry. I expected him to go ballistic anyway."

"It had to be done sooner or later." Amazingly she's laughing. "I'm just glad it's over, although I nearly had a heart attack when you said that part about 'it appears that I am too' didn't know whether to giggle or die."

"It's over?" Harry raises an eyebrow. "Gin I would've thought it's only beginning. He's not going to be exactly tactful or silent about this. By the time the sun comes up the whole school's gonna know."

"It could go either way." I shrug. "He could go ranting to everyone he sees, or he could stew on it. I'm not sure which line of thought my head believes." She kisses me quickly.

"Personally I think he'll stew, he won't want the world to know his sister and his ex are an item. It'd dent that massive macho pride of his. When he calms down I bet he begs us not to make it public."

"Tough." I feel incredibly smooth and resolved on that issue. "I am not going to live in a box for anyone." She looks at me with amazement.

"You're prepared to go through that for _me?"_

"No more than you've been happy to put up with for me this far." She now seems quite embarrassed, shaking her head slowly.

"It's not the same thing. I knew. I knew it'd be hard, I feel like I've sprung this on you and you don't deserve it. You didn't ask for this."

"Ginny could you stop channeling Ron for a second? Honestly you're all damn hopeless. I know you're trying to look after me but bloody hell Gin. Me big girl now. I know what I'm doing. I know what I want."

"Really?"

"Yes. And it's you. So could you ease off a little?"

"Wow, yeah ok." Part of me could be cranky at her but part of me watches how she looks like that sentence knocked her for six and how gratifying that is. And how thoroughly loved she makes me feel with that look. She touches Harry's arm.

"Hey hang on a minute Harry. Did you know about last year? Ron mentioned something mid-rant about it." Ah, good point Gin.

"A little bit, Ron ran around like a madman swearing and threatening most of us to silence. I guess I just presumed it was gossip. And I did have other stuff going on."

"As you usually do. So how much of that was believed and how much of it was simply put down to conjecture on the ferret's part?"

"I really don't know. Like I said, apart from passing surprise I didn't pay much attention. I thought it was just him being a git as usual, I mean he's never been one to check the facts first has he?"

"Well he got it right for once that time. Geez I could have done without Bill and Charlie hearing that though, I'm gonna get the _mother of all lectures from mum when she finds out." She gets up and offers me a hand._

"Come on then, I think it's time."

"To move on?" I can't resist saying. What a smile. What a dazzling blinding smile. She still looks bloodless and pale, but there's a definite hint of colour coming back to her cheeks and a fierce determination burning behind her eyes. We'll never be on the floor again.

"That and other things. Let's go visit Dobby, I could use a cuppa and some food."

"Sounds good, I haven't eaten either. I left the hall as soon as I found out." Harry stands and walks slowly over to the door, turning as he reaches it to look back at us smoothing down each other's uniforms and still finding bits of grass to pick off. He grins.

"I really don't want to know how you got half of the ground stuck to yourselves."

"That's great Harry." She pulls me to her and kisses me unashamedly. "Because I really don't want to tell you." Then she linked her arm in mine and we started towards him.

"Perhaps we should work on that sign then Harry." I wink as she laughs and he blushes again.

"It's not as easy as that Gin." I muttered in her ear when Harry went off to find Dobby. "You're not right yet. I can feel it."

"Neither are you." She closes her eyes. "But we will be, given time. I feel better after that already." Her voice drops; I'm treated to that stunning intense gaze again. "Thank you Hermione."

"For what?" 

"Making me get that out. It would have eaten me alive if I hadn't."

"No problem." I look away, feeling quite embarrassed. "Anytime."

"It's not something you say 'anytime' to and you know it." Gin sits at the tea table and brings me onto her lap, wrapping still unsteady arms around my waist. She bends her forehead to my shoulder almost in reverence and starts whispering croakily. "Let's try that again. _Thank you. No-one's done anything like that for me before." I get what she means finally. It's a big thing to take on, someone else's pain, particularly when you're dancing on the thin wedge of controlling it yourself. What do you say to that? What do I say to make her see that 'anytime' was no light phrase? I meant it Gin. Anytime._

"I love you," She snuffles her nose down past my collar, onto bare skin. "So much."

"Oh yeah? Not half as much as I love you, I'll bet." 

"You have no idea how often I could hear that, I'll never get sick of hearing you say that."  Her lips brush past the spot where she bit me before and I can't help it, I twitch a little. She pulls back the shirt immediately and glances down.

"I did _that_? Oh god Herm I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"It's ok." I reassure her, aware of the fact that someone's approaching and not really wanting us to be found with her snout down my shirt, looking like we've been at it hammer and tongs again.

"If I know you at all Hermione, I'd say you'll wear that with pride." Harry. And the guys. Charlie holds out a hand to each of us and draws us both out of the seat into his embrace. 

"Have you two been alright? We've been looking for you."

"Found 'em skulking about outside when I went off to find a loo." Harry laughs. "So I brought them back here." Bill joins the human mountain the three of us have made. Urgh, I'm a molehill at the foot of them all.

"Hey Harry." I manage to get out eventually. "Would you come and help me out here? This group hug seems to be full of far too many tall people. A little normal sized person representation is required." Five of us heaped together, Bill stroking Ginny's hair, Charlie patting her back, Harry seeming a bit uncomfortable, but leaning his head on mine, and a firm hand suddenly squeezing my rear. Dammnit Gin. I begin to laugh as she giggles knowingly. After looking a tad shocked at first, the boys come to the party one by one until we're all just hugging and cackling. I know, and I think she does too now; dark days ahead, but we've had the darkest and you remember what I said before? We'll be fine.

I'm not telling you where those lyrics came from. Far too daggy. Rest assured they ain't mine!

Ok, now don't get mad, but this'll be the last chap for a while. I'm off to do the whole parental visit thing and won't be able to post again for at least a fortnight! But I solemnly promise to take a notepad and write furiously in that ridiculous tiny bed while I'm gone. No pc access! Ah you might as well kill me now! (Let's indulge my morbid and uncontrolled fear of flying for a second) Blake, Sweetspontaneous, if I ain't uploaded for a month or so and there's some god-awful news about Sydney to Melbourne flights, you know what to do, finish this for me! (Sorry, should _not_ have watched that show on 737 crashes last night on discovery!) *Shudders* Icky, I loathe flying, it always makes me utterly crazy at least a week before I have to do it. *Crosses fingers, toes and every other bit it's possible to cross* I **_really_** dislike flying! And if by some miracle rednecksville has sprouted an internet café during the 3 years I've been gone, then you can be damn sure I'll be posting! *Crosses everything all over again*

The Executioner: No, no blood, I don't think I've got it in me to write fistfights! But don't you worry, Ron'll get his. The howl thing did it for me too, it just sort of popped in there and I liked that image, so it stayed! Thanks mate! Please forgive me for the extended break I'm about to take!

Ja: Aw, you make me blush you know, honestly I'm pretty average! But hey I guess I like it even if I don't think I really warrant all that. Hey thanks mate; you seem to have taken it on as your personal mission to bump up the count! You're really much too good to me you know. My picture? Ah yeah well now you can see I look as weird as I sound! No cliffies this time either, couldn't do that to you all when I'm going away for so long! Now the printing and binding thing. We may have to discuss that some more when I get back! Anyway, thanks!

Blue: Are you a serial reviewer? My god Joey you took up a whole page! So yes, I think you are, badge's in the mail! I was seriously considering making you a big cake that said something about your prodigious reviewing ability, but you know about me and cakes so… I didn't! How about if I commission you, the master of the cake, to do it for me? Heheheh I didn't realize 12 was that um, effective, so I guess thanks for thinking so. I was blushing furiously the whole time writing that and kind of peeking at the screen like 'is this really coming from me?' I could write a novel replying to your reviews but maybe I should stick to a mail 'eh? So I'll close here by saying thanks a million and talk to you soon.

Missy-Chan: Now now, no stones, I'll spend the whole time I'm gone thinking of many and varied ways to make him suffer, having said that though, I also want to explore the reason he did react that badly. There are always three or more sides to every story, so while I won't be venting blind rage on him, I'll make it so all perspectives are clear.

Colour_blue: Well I figured it was time to change the warning too, glad it was still funny! I'll think of some killers for you while I'm away.

Darkangelbaby: This was kind of speedy for me, so I'm happy you like that. But the next chap will be a bit longer coming for reasons stated above, so don't be angry! I promise to come back (Aircraft willing) bigger and hopefully better!

Blake: Glomps? Hey mate if you're reading this at school you're either really bored or this fic is better than I thought it was! I never have the words to tell you how much of a damn champion I reckon you are or to thank you properly for your reviews. But I guess I'll just say what I always do. You're too nice to me, but I like it anyway. Particularly with that last chap because I didn't know where the hell I was going half the time and I dislike confrontation immensely! So I'm glad it worked!

Sweetspontaneous: Hey thanks for the idea! Come tomorrow I'll be heading home and working on 'Postcards from Rednecksville.' Love that title! Mind if I use it? I know you told me it'd be a great title the other day so I wanted to ask first. Anyway… I never thank you properly either. The boys kind of reminded me of my younger brothers so I'm happy someone else knows what I mean too. Ah besides the point whatever! Doesn't matter with me as should be pretty damn obvious by now! (I am the tangent queen!) Hmmn, I've already called someone a champion today, so I better call you a legend instead so I don't get boring. Spiffy? Cool. I hummed in my chair a bit when I read that 'I feel spiffy, oh so spiffy.' I make myself laugh in the strangest ways! Thank you mate.

I should go before the babble becomes longer than the chap! (Which will happen one day I'm sure, but oh well) *Hugs* I'm gonna _miss you all! Sob, sniffle, and whine. Better go. See you all when I get back and my mob no is…. Yeah right!_

*Turns and leaves*

*Pops head back around corner*

"*Runs back and gives _big_ group hug* I'm gonna miss you guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Goes for good this time.* Bye.


	20. Patience and the cat

Hey guys I haven't forgotten you! It's just that I got back one day and went to work the next and am still waiting for a day off, so time ain't exactly on my side if you know what I mean. Promise you that I'm working on the chap as we speak! And also going home always absolutely does my head in so it's gonna take me a bit longer to get my head in the happier frame of mind I like to be in when I'm doing this fic. Not much longer. I swear! Oh yeah and there's the sick cat and the unpaid power bill and the… hey I'm a bit distracted! Anyway be patient, I'll get this done as soon as I can, just need a mental rest, but I will finish it. Soon. Promise.

FG


	21. A rumour of war

Hey guys, ever read Calvin and Hobbes? (Put your hand down Sweetspontaneous! I know you have!) Well I spent most of my break reading my dad's almost complete collection! (I better inherit that!)  So…know the part where he gets home and gets spear tackled by the tiger? Ok, well you know what to do. Ready? One…two…three… *FG approaches the door at Fanfiction…* Ready? *FG opens door and yells 'I'm home!'*… You can fill in the blanks from there; just don't rough me up too much!

21: A rumor of war.

"Really didn't want to come back here. Wish we could sleep back there." I commented when we all scrambled wearily into the common room.

"Yeah, me too in a way Gin." She guides my butt into a chair by the fire. "But we'd freeze." Heheheh, I can't help giving her an evil little smirk.

"I think I'd do my utmost to ensure that didn't happen." Harry yawns, trying not to laugh.

"If you're going to start discussing how you'd achieve that I'm out of here." He's still standing, but doesn't appear in all that much of a hurry to go upstairs. With a quick glance in that direction he sighs deeply and sits opposite us, going quiet. "I don't know what to do next." he says eventually.  I know exactly how the poor guy must feel. How far do you take loyalty to someone who's always been your mate, even if they're being a complete turd and you'd dearly love to tell them so? Oh shit I'm sorry that he has to feel the way I'm sure he does. I don't say it though. Hermione reaches over and places a hand on his.

"Harry he doesn't know you knew, just be normal with him."

"Yeah, I guess."

"I mean if you're worried about keeping a secret from him I don't think you need to, he's going to blurt it out as soon as he sees you, so in theory you won't have to be concerned about telling him you know because he'll have told you already." She looks over at me and I hope, takes in the puzzled and not a little doubtful expression on my face. That comment came from the woman who told me nothing was as easy as that?  "Ok Gin, don't glare at me, I know that's too simple."

"I'm not glaring; I just think we're undervaluing the fact that this is bloody weird for Harry too."

"It's ok. We've had worse strains on our friendship. I could have throttled him once or twice several times by now." He stands and moves towards the stairs. "Perhaps things will be a bit easier all round tomorrow when he's calmer."

"I hope so." I offer him in a small voice. "I really hope so Harry." Just when I think he's about to leave, he pauses and looks down at Hermione. "Is he up there?" What the hell? She gets up and leans her wand into the air near the staircase, speaking something I don't understand at all. 

"No." She says eventually "Not Yet." Oh great, which means he could come noncing in any second now. Wonderful. But I'm totally distracted by the bit of sheer brilliance I just saw.

"You have to teach me how to do that." I gape at her.

"It's quite simple really Gin, all you have to do is focus and…" She stops and gives Harry a hug, turning her head to smile at me. "Not now though hey?" He rolls his eyes over in gratitude. "Will you be alright?"

"Yeah." He straightens his shoulders and takes a step up. "But thanks for asking Hermione. I should probably ask you guys the same thing. Anyway…" I walk to him and clasp a hand on each shoulder. 

"Thanks mate." He seems so exhausted suddenly and it's a struggle to keep myself from drowning in that goddamned guilt again; no-one asked for this, to have to feel like we all do, not Harry, nor Bill, Charlie, Mum 'n Dad, or Hermione… Or Ron. If I could've held it in, wouldn't they've been happier? I'm facing down at Harry, screwing my eyes up in an intense effort. I won't cry again but I can't speak, afraid of what will come out of my mouth if I do. Cause and effect, I'm the cause, but everyone else has to deal with the effects. Now I know if Hermione could read my mind (which'll happen in time, she's that damn good) she'd thank me again like she did in the library. And mum'd spout about right and all that other crap. Why doesn't that make me feel better? _If I could've just controlled my hormones…_

"No Gin." Harry ruffles my hair. "You have the right to be happy too." I bite my tongue and gulp. "So be happy ok? You'll all be tickling each other's kids one day and laughing about how funny life can be, how it can turn on a Knut when you least expect it. This _is_ bad, but I also know it'll pass." Geez, this dude's good. I grin and thank him without words. He starts to walk up slowly.

"Night you two."

"Goodnight Harry. Thanks." Hermione laughs. And then there's a voice behind us, one I would not have expected to be hearing.

"Sleep well Harry." Hermione and I spin on our heels to the source, but Harry simply keeps walking, a definite chuckle in his speech as he replies.

"Night Mrs Weasley." Then he's gone and indeed, there's my mother's head, gazing curiously up at us from the fireplace. We link hands and go sit on the couch in front of her.

"Which one of the boys blurted then mum?" She sniffs huffily.

"I can't just pop my head in to say hello?"

"Seeing as how you've never done it before, even the one time in my life I actually warranted a mortal peril warning then mum, I'm sorry but I'd have to say that someone told you about the shit that is still slowly dripping from the fan."

"_Language_ Ginny!" Oh god mum, I love you but your sense of perspective's slightly off if me saying the word shit is a big deal right now. Eh, it's not worth the energy it'd take to discuss it though. I give her a smile and settle into Hermione's shoulder, raising an eyebrow and waiting for an explanation. Silence. Guess mum's waiting for an apology. Well, sorry again, but that's just not going to happen.

"Gin, argh must you be so stubborn?" Hermione sighs in exasperation. "I'm going to apologise for your rudeness on your behalf if you don't"

"Don't you dare." She stares into my eyes, her own narrowing.

"Watch me." Aw, got the camera ready mum? The girl's first tiff. One for the mantelpiece I'm sure. I shake my head.

"Ok maybe I was a bit snappy." I'm still not saying bloody sorry though. "But give me a break mum, I mean this afternoon's been horribly appallingly terrible and I just think there are more important things to be concerned about then me saying shit!"

"A point I can understand darling but really…"

"And considering that every second word out of Ron's mouth a few hours ago started with an F…" I stop raving upon losing sight of my mother's face and unbelievably hearing that distinctive pop as mum walks over to me and sits, pulling my feet up onto her lap. 

"Calm down my love."

"Mum, bloody hell mum you shouldn't have done that. What if he comes in here and sees you with me? He'll flip all over again."

"He knows I'm here."  She rubs my legs and gives me a secretive little smile. "In fact he's currently with your father doing some deconstructing of his own."

"Alright that's it." I massage the sides of my head, grateful for the warmth of her shoulder and how good having mum here feels but I mean seriously? Wtf?

 "The world's officially gone mad around me." I remember what I once thought about that phrase, the night we snuck back to the castle with the rain pouring down on our heads. _If I can remember this night when the world's going mad…_ And it helps. Weird. But just feeling her heart beating continually against my ear reminds me of what exactly we're going through this for. I look up into those dark chocolate eyes and lose my breath all over again. I could die happily for this woman. That's still true too.

"He's… um, he's with Mr Weasley?" Hermione stammers.

"Well Charlie turned up first and told us that things had not entirely gone smoothly."

"He's obviously inherited that family gift for understatement then." I have to say. Mum ignores me.

"Then all of a sudden your brother steps out of the fire uttering words I would have hoped he didn't know." That explains why she got cranky before then.

"He actually left the grounds?" I can't see her face, but I can imagine the expression. Incredulity and a little indignation by the sound of her voice. I must have a touch of her mind reading ability because I know what she's thinking. _Why the hell didn't we think of that? _Between you and I though, I'm damn glad we stayed here. It's hard to believe there'd have been a more fitting place for her to take me then where we ended up. Not even at home. She had it right before when she said we needed to be alone. It's getting late, mum should go, we should get some sleep, but we're sitting basking in the heat of the fire and not speaking. I take a deep breath; I suppose I better get this over with.

"So… Um, do you think he's ever gonna come down from planet freak out?" 

"With time. And hopefully with a bit of insight coming from your father."

"Do you think…" Hermione's voice sounds very thin, I look up at her again to see she seems apprehensive, whatever she's going to ask might just be a question we don't want answered. She hugs me tight and continues. "Do you think he still hates us?" At this mum forces me into a sitting position and puts her arms around both of us.

"I don't think he ever did, that's what's making this so hard for you all."

"Well he was doing a damn good impression of it then." She tightens her grip around my waist protectively, "The way he looked at her before, it was… It was dreadful. I didn't know whether to go to Gin or go smack Ron hard around the head." Mum glances briefly into both our eyes.

"He doesn't hate you."

"I'm not so sure." I reply. "I'll never forget that look. It hurt."

"I know sweet, I do. But if he truly hated you he wouldn't be so upset. He'd simply be angry."

"I just don't know what's in his head." Hermione says reflectively. "And I thought I knew him so well."

"There you go Hermione, that's part of the answer. Ron thought he knew you too."

"Oh right and he doesn't think _I was surprised by myself the past few weeks?" I know she didn't mean to, but the way she said that made it all sound so bad, like she would have rather not known. Stings a little. I decide to closely examine my feet so she can't see my face. She places a hand on my cheek, leans forward and kisses me lightly. Eeeew Herm, not in front of mum!_

"That came out all wrong Gin, sorry. I never meant that I regretted a second of it."

"It's ok." I shrug. "I kind of understand what you mean."

"And Ron will understand that himself one day, sooner than you think." Mum eases up out of the couch, "He's just got that temper, you should know how that is Ginny, you possess it as well."

"Yeah." I grin sleepily. "Can't deny that."

"I'm going. It's time for you two to go to sleep." Mum heads for the fire, then squints around at us. "I don't know if I should bother to warn you about where that should happen; I've a feeling you'd ignore me anyway. Just be careful."

"Will do mum." I stretch my body around Hermione's regardless. 

"Thanks for coming to see if we were alright." She says earnestly.

"That's quite ok. Get some rest, I'll talk to you soon. And I'll send your brother back early morning." Gee, terrific. Then she's left and Hermione and I simply snuggle and gaze into the flames, neither of us making the effort to get upstairs. Until there's movement from the fire and a new head appears. Looking slightly angry, but it's more bewildered soreness than anything else.

"Just one thing I want to know." Eeep. I don't have a clue what to say.

"What?" She challenges him, almost defiantly; I can feel her heart start pounding, ready for the scene.

"Was it before or after we broke up?"

"Ron, if you're even suggesting that you think your sister would have told me how she felt while we were together then I may have to come over there and show you emphatically how wrong you are."

"Fine." He nods in acceptance. "After. That's all I wanted to know."

"Ron…" I start to go up to him, but now he's shaking his head from side to side slowly. 

"No. Not tonight Gin." And he's gone as well, leaving us totally alone.

"I wasn't expecting that."

"Neither was I." Hermione paces around the room, coming to a stop in front of me eventually. I take her into my arms. God she feels good. I'm not sure if we _were _ready for the fallout, now it's done all I can hope for is that we land safely.

"Let's go to bed. I'm knackered."

"Great idea." She tucks her arm in the crook of my elbow and we march up to my dorm. Half of me wants to ask her to join me; I don't want to be by myself right now. But Hermione smiles and does that mind reading thing again.

"I want to Gin." She kisses my neck. "Maybe we shouldn't push it though."

"Yeah I understand that. Heh," I laugh. "I desperately need sleep anyway, and you'd be one hell of an incentive not to get any."

"I better not kiss you goodnight then." She giggles and backs away. "Wouldn't want to give you any added incentives." 

"Hey." I grab her retreating form and pull her close in, staring into mischievous eyes. "Get over here woman. You don't get off that lightly..."

Ew, I am _so_ sorry this took a month! But I was away for 2 weeks, and I dunno, I was a terminally depressed miseryguts when I got back, so I was finding it a bit hard to write anything remotely positive. I thought I'd have plenty of stuff written while gone, but I spent the whole time over-analyzing my life and writing bad poetry!  Hmmn, well a bit of expensive techy toy retail therapy today seems to have put me in a good mood for a change, (Colour screen mobile! Yay! Digital camera! Yay! Espresso machine! Yay! Visa bill in 2 weeks time! Yay! Oh hang on, that last bit's not good is it?)

Ok, onto the separate chapter required to thank everyone properly…

To the person I forgot last time (You know who you are) Sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry,sorry!!!! Aw, thank you. For something that I started doing because I thought "hey haven't I had an idea like that before?" and really just for a bit of fun, to see if I could, when I read your review I actually thought to myself 'whoa, it's making sense?' I am glad that the lines make you feel that way, I really am. What else can I say? Thanks mate! P.S, downloaded that song you told me about. Yep, very sexy lines, thanks for the tip!

Ja: You know I'm gonna add a message board to my website tomorrow just for you! So that way when you have to tell me something you won't have to leave another review! (But that's probably your aim right?) Heheheh, well patience _is a virtue in a way mate, so I guess I ain't too virtuous! Disciples? Commandments? Ew, that felt mighty strange…I'm sorry, I tried to write the chaps while I was there, I just…couldn't. I don't know why. Thanks for being glad I'm back, although I seem to have conquered some of my fear of flying this time. (I have my own theories on that and I'm sure they'll appear on fictionpress soon!) Happy you like the website, going to add more stuff tomorrow!_

Sises: Here's the next chap for you! Hope the next one don't take as long as this one did!

theExecutioner: The grope thing? Heheheh, I couldn't resist! I had to do it! There should be more groping in the world! *Coughs* Um, well, anyway… Thanks for missing me, I don't know if I had fun so much, but it was interesting and kind of insightful, still I'm damn glad I'm back!

Terin Kail: I know exactly what you mean! I used to read them too and I suppose I still like some of them. I remember reading the 5th book and going 'Boyfriend? Who said you could have a boyfriend?' Ah well, _that's been a common enough theme in my life, so I dare say I'll get over it! *evil laugh* I was kind of trying to make it powerful so thanks heaps for thinking so!_

The Reanimated Raynor: Yeah I kind of got into that bad cliffhanger habit before, but I think I'm over that now! I'll keep it up for as long as I can. Thanks mate!

Frito the great: It's ok, you don't have to be, I mean it's not required or anything… J Slightly? Hmmm, maybe I won't go there, I'm feeling a bit evil tonight! I don't think I'm for everyone, but thanks for thinking that!

Sly: Whoa, wow, I read your review in Rednecksville's take-away/a few terminals tucked in the corner excuse for an internet café and had to try not to smile (I mean my old next door neighbour was working there! It's all about appearances!) Anyway, Your review flattened me a bit, wow, thanks mate, I mean, wow, um, thank you lots. I don't know where to start to tell you how much I appreciated what you said. And the bit down the bottom? I really don't think I'm all that interesting, but I might email you when I actually have some spare time and you can see for yourself. Thanks again.

Goodgirlsbadboys: Yep, one day I'm gonna get off my arse and post these damned lyrics! I missed you guys!

Darkangelbaby: I'd tip my hat back in reply but then my hair'd go everywhere and seeing as how it's in that difficult growing out stage, it's just be too scary!

Missy-chan, Noelle: Thanks guys! I don't know if I was aiming for sweet, or cute for that matter, but what the hell, see it whichever way makes you happy. Glad that you could see the positives in what was a pretty dark chap.

Blake: I can always count on you to pick some obscure line and find it hilarious! I like that! Yeah mate, I reckon I'm gonna have to make a webpage when this finally ends and have my own little awards ceremony, he's a shoe-in for that award hey?

I came back safe and soundish, and thanks for that my friend!

Sweetspontaneous: Postcards from Rednecksville may take a while, it's coming, but it seems to be more of a journal than anything else at this stage. I mean there are good parts, but the format's all strange and it's way too real for comfort right now… Guess I'll make sense of it eventually. I don't know exactly if JK has moo cow pj's or not, I mean they're pretty common, but I fervently hope she don't have no fluffy tiger slippers! That's just too daggy! You know I read your review in the aforementioned net café and dammnit you nearly made me spray the screen with excruciatingly bad coffee from laughing so much! Hey are you trying to ruin my image here? Heheheh… Ok, ok you win, you are now officially the tangent queen, but we may have to duke it out some more for the alliteration title! P.S, If I can count my pc as a place to be, then you can certainly count tv mate! Thanks!


	22. 1,2,3, Off and Running

Disclaimer: I forgot this last time didn't I? Naughty me. Well, I'd better make this disclaimer a good one then… Ok, it has been pointed out to me that I got someone's eye colour all wrong. Well, yes I knew that, but I liked it better that way! And seeing as how I also made her enormous, turned her gay and a few other things that I'm sure aren't in the great one's game plan, I thought I could get away with that! Heheheh! 

(Oh yeah, that lengthy babble was meant to show you all that someone currently typing with part of their index finger missing is probably playing with sharp instruments and food for a living and therefore not JKR.)

1,2,3, Off and Running…

As before, Gin was waiting for me in the common room when I got up and came down far too early. She looked like she'd been there a while. But I was relieved to see books spread around her and dry eyes greeting my arrival.

"Studying," I comment "Seems like an eternity since I've done any of that."

"You could join me." She grins. "Breakfast is a few hours away still." I sit next to her, running my hands slowly through her hair.

"Are you ok?" Gin shrugs.

"As I'll ever be, at least as much as I can expect right now. How about you?"

"Getting there. I missed you last night though."

"So did I. But it's ok." She puts her book down and opens her arms. I clamber over for a yummy reclining hug. "Now this is how I would have liked to wake up this morning."

"Yeah, that would have been good." I reply. "But this is pretty good too. And there'll be other mornings."

"I want, one day; to wake up like this _every morning." Oh that felt great, I mean it felt __fantastic. _

"If I didn't know better I'd say that was an invitation to shack up with you in the future."

"And you don't want to?" She looks astoundingly panicked. "I didn't mean like the second I finished school or anything I just meant one day…I mean you wouldn't _have_ to if you didn't…" I put a finger to her lips.

"Relax would you? I know what you meant," I laugh. "And I think I liked the sound of that you know, I think I liked it a lot."

"Whew," she exhales "Now I can breathe again." And I'm gathered up for a resounding smooch. "Sorry, I wasn't trying to say I want to be your big hairy shadow or anything, but it would be nice to wake up next to," She pats my rump. "That backside on a regular basis." Oh ok, I think I've found her weakness. Would you believe it? This seemingly innocent young woman has a definite butt fetish. I stifle back a giggle, secretly quite happy that my rear holds such sway with her.

"It would be. Can't argue with you there." But in my case? It's the shoulders. The way those collarbones clearly stand out against the hollow of her neck, tapering up to wide, well rounded shoulders, supporting a strong neck. All of which is only defined further by that chain. Ouch, little shivers. It's positively indecent to have such thoughts before sunrise isn't it?

"You remember how I once told you something for future reference?"

"Sure do." She nods. "It was a good thing to know as I recall."

"Here's another one. Anything that involves you and I being in even close proximity to the same bedroom, even if it is in a few years time? Gin, I'm there before you are."

"Ah," She sighs contentedly "Wish we were there now." And the tone of her voice isn't dreamy or wistful, it held a definite meaning. Without warning she jumps up, gathering her books quickly. Leaning down to whisper hoarsely in my ear. "You know if you went and got some books we could probably get away with pretending we were visiting the library. Even at this hour." Huh?

"Why do wanna go to the…_oh_." Clearly I'm not alone with my thoughts on that one. But she just grins soppily down at me.

"No, I'd just like to be somewhere we could be alone for a while. People will be getting up soon and I don't particularly feel like sharing you right now."

"And you don't wanna be here when he steps out of the fire do you?" Gin rubs her temples slowly, taking time to formulate a reply, but I know I've hit the mark.

"Not really. At least not snuggling on the couch anyway. I don't think it's time for that yet." But maybe it's the best time now right? Hang on; I've had that thought before. Ok, I have to take what she's said forward gradually here, because it's important that she knows it can't always be this way. How do I put it delicately enough?

"He's going to have to get used to us eventually Gin," I start cautiously. "And that includes the snuggles and all you know. I don't want to have to leap up guiltily from simply being near you whenever he walks in, or _anyone_ walks in for that matter. We can't live that way."

"It'd kill us in the end." She nods her assent. "I realize that," Gin holds out a hand to me smiling, backlit by the fire glowing red and black, producing an almost heroic effect. I could see any number of strange creatures by now and not bat an eyelid, so it's funny and downright spooky in a way that this ordinary, _extraordinary_ woman can stand in front of a fire and make me feel like I'm seeing something from legends past. One day I'll be able to explain that to her. For now I settle for the realization that some things _are_ meant to be, if you're only lucky enough to recognize it when it comes knocking. And I feel like fervently thanking her all over again, for changing my life, for showing me who I could be. 

"But not today Hermione, not today. We have to give him that time too. There's been enough drama without making more and _we really need to have a bit of quiet time ourselves." With that she yanks me off the couch and begins to lead me away. "Starting now."_

"How is it possible that you can always make me feel so bloody good?" She murmurs into my hair a good while later. "When part of me was convinced I'd never smile for real ever again." She led the way right up to the portrait before, stopped still and gave me a definitely significant look that took me a while to get. I just stared blankly at her until she laughed and ran a finger through my hair. 

"I may not have a whole lot of energy right now, but I definitely want to at least get a good snog in before brekky, so unless you'd like to be banned from the library for life it might be a good idea to cough up the password." Ah, of course.

"A snog?" I have to tease her "One single snog? Is that all I get?" She shrugs.

"I _did_ say it'd be a good one, now come on woman, open up." And it was a good one, or three. Not totally devoid of any passion because god knows it was there, but in a strange way different from the kisses we'd shared yesterday or any days before. Things had changed; we had to change a little with them. Yesterday, half of the whole fun of snogging was the fact that only 3 people knew we were doing it, it was something we held between us alone, a private pact of togetherness for the most part.  Today we had to face a new world and we both knew it. Gin sighs deeply and curls around my body, leans us down gently to the floor.

"It's different isn't it?" 

"You just said you felt good."

"I do, I really do. You'll never make me feel anything but good. But it _is_ different now, not necessarily in a bad way though."

"In what way then?" I'd just like to hear her take on this.

"It's gonna sound silly…" She trails off, and burrows her face into my neck. "But I kind of feel like, I mean even though we knew that the bad stuff was going to happen, I guess I feel a bit like something's been taken from us, like we're not the people we were a few days ago." 

"I understand. Keep going." Because if there's any lingering pain or uncertainty in her head I want to hear it now before it can change into rampaging depression compounded by guilt, a thing which I'm afraid could grab hold incredibly quickly in her. She doesn't wear her heart on her sleeve; she holds it out in both hands for anyone to take a stab at. A strength and a potential debilitating weakness at the same time.

"When we had each other all to ourselves," She begins again slowly, pausing to plant little smooches on my skin. "I felt as if we were in a little invincible bubble and when I'd look at you over the table or in the hallway, I'd nearly explode from thinking about us together, you were so damned _amazing_ and only I knew. I guess it comes back to what I said earlier in a way…"

"Earlier?"

"Yeah, the bit about not wanting to share you. Kinda' feels like we're going to have be doing a lot of that in the near future. Explaining, putting up with crap, and all the shit that will come with it. I just don't want us to lose that spark y'know? That brilliant spark of the most purely innocent thing that's ever happened to me ever."

"Innocence?" I cock my head up at her questioningly, wanting to make her laugh. "Gin, parts of the past few weeks were anything but!"

"Oh yeah?" She challenges back. "What about that night here? What about the time in my room? Sure we might have been focusing on other things, but really Hermione, you're telling me that wasn't innocent in a way? Think about it."

"It was," I have to reflect. "Although it's hard to recall a single innocent thought going through my mind then apart from 'I-must-jump-on-you-right-now-or-I'll-die." She chuckles.

"True, true, but you know what I mean right?"

"I do." And I finally remember. "That night by the lake. The way you froze when I first hugged you, how you were so scared to touch me like I was a piece of glass, like I'd break if you kissed me too thoroughly. How afraid and yet strangely unafraid I was…_That_ was innocent in its own way. And this room when I first brought you here."

"That was a damn explosion woman!" Gin bursts out laughing.

"Yeah, but it was just _us_ wasn't it? A declaration. I think I understand now. We've got a whole lot more of declaring yet to do and none of it'll be just for us."

"Well…" She begins slowly, rolling slightly over onto me. "Now's for us. It hasn't started yet." Then she kisses me gently. "I'll never forget that night you know. Not ever."

"Hmmn?"

"You were so damn beautiful I almost couldn't breathe for looking at you, I sometimes still have to shake myself to remind my brain that actually happened that you could want _me_ like I did you."

"If you don't get off me soon Gin, you're bound to find out how much I still do. And I'm sure it must be time to go by now."

"Yea, but not just yet." She tosses her hair back and shifts her weight right onto my body. Ergh, this is definitely one of my weaknesses. I couldn't stand it for too long, but when she covers me like this? Un-bloody-believable. So I give in for a few minutes, happy to exchange a deeply brilliant snog, until she lifts me to my feet and points to the door.

"Do your thing, and if the coast's clear, let's go chow down." Then she laughs and touches my cheek. "We can come back here later if you'd like."

"Oh I'd like." I insist as I check for lurkers.

Silence greeted our arrival in the hall. There were people staring up at us from our table as if we'd suddenly sprouted extra limbs in strange places. I could only guess at what rumours were flying about with Ron's absence last night and us having been missing in action for most of the time since break ended. But I was reasonably sure that no-one knew exactly why yet. Hmmn, it'd almost be entertaining to find out what the hell people were thinking. Harry was deep in conversation with Seamus, Ron skulking in a corner with a woman who looked vaguely familiar, finding time to shoot us a warning glance that bluntly said 'don't come near me.' Yeah right Ron. Like we were going to. We stood still for a little while, not quite sure where to sit or whether to simply flee. I felt a tap on my shoulder and spun to face a tall raven-haired apparition.

"Hit the fan then did it?" Jen Greene asked us both as Bill and Charlie entered, looking incredibly confused at how everyone seemed to have forgotten where they were supposed to sit this morning…

Ok, I think I'm finally feeling better! The ideas are back and I'm not feeling like I've mentally eaten four boxes of shredded wheat. I've even managed to finally formulate the next big major twist and get my head around the ending! Yay! (Relax, it's not for a while yet, but it has to happen sooner or later and up until yesterday I had no idea how I'd do it!) Coolness! (Boring the pants off you now aren't I? Ok I'll stop…)

Thank ya time!

She who must not be named? Seriously mate? Seriously? Oh well alright you can have that evil nickname if you really want it. Hey I want an evil nick too though! I was thinking about that after talking to you and I've come up with a couple… Larry three fingers? No? Someone suggested 'Six pack' or 'Bowling ball' 'cause at the moment I'm picking everything up with three fingers as opposed to the usual four and the grip kinda' looks like that used for the aforementioned items! Erk, I'll keep working on it! Mate, you can hate the game if you suck at it!!!!!!!!!! Anyway… Hey it turns out I only sliced off the side, so yeah It'll look a bit weird for a while, but it's gonna pretty much grow back!!!!! Yay again!! (And all that because I'm too tired for email tonight, lazy bugger that I am…) 

Jessi rose. Yeah yeah I know about the eye thing, I kinda did it deliberately but I was aware that it's not the case. So don't worry I wasn't being a doofus (although I do excel at that) I was just using a bit of creative license, with someone else's characters!! Naughty me. Ah yes, well memories… know what you mean, been there. (But not like in this fic 'cause if I'd done that, I'd probably not be breathing right now!) It's getting a bit too fluffy for me lately, this fic, about to crank up the ol' drama-meter very, very shortly. Yay! Here's the more you requested! Hope it's still enjoyable.

Sises: Thanks mate! I'm really happy you like it! Next chap formulated and on it's way as I speak, or type, or whatever! =:-)

ShhItsASecret: Thank you! I'm my own worst critic so I shake my head a bit on all this praise, but thanks a lot for the thoughts!

Sly: Appearances and impressions are always the key? Well if that's the case then hey can I have another shot at that mail mate? I looked at what I'd sent you today and grimaced! This is what happens when you try to write mails coming off the back of 15 hour shifts. I have no excuse for how crappy and how much sense it did not make apart from being extraordinarily tired and still far too depressed when I did it! Please don't think that pile of steaming garbage is typical, I'm back to normal, or what counts for it in my case now! Ew, I hate it when I write bad mails…  Anyway…You don't reckon I could do bad? Trust me on that one, some of the stuff I did down there was craptapulous!!! And some of the stuff I've done lately hasn't been much better; I think I was just trying to digest too much at once. No specific muse as such no, I think a lot of it comes from being A) Old. B) Cynical. C) Having got around extensively and consequently viewing the world from a bit of a strange detached angle these days! (Joking, joking) I do, or did have muses but I'm not entirely sure what or who inspires me right now, I just take it as it comes. Heheheh *looking up* hey all that was almost as bad as that mail I sent ya! 

Frito the Great: Glad you still like it, I'll check out yr fic soon!

Sweetspontaneous: Yeah, having still the memory of going home branded into my head, I know about the rock-steady safety bit! I'm happy that the characterization seems to be working ok even this far in, let's hope I don't go losing the plot! He's gonna get even more super-heroish very, very, very soon, and someone's temper's gonna go into overdrive and… Hang on, have to stop there, can't give too much away! Erk, don't mind me, I'm too tired and making no sense all over again… Anyway mate, I hope you had a good trip and that you finally got on a plane! 

Ja: Yes, yes I know it took forever! But if I'd written it in the state I was in when I came back it would have really truly sucked, almost as much as some of the other desperately-in-need-of-rewriting crap I've been posting lately! But work's busy as always so it's hard to find the time to write, even hunched over a workbench! Still, _holidays in a month!_ Yay! Ah, the best part of my job, lots of holidays! So I can write then, when I really should be getting out of the damn house, but you know I'll be writing right? P.S You wouldn't want to tie me to a chair, I get all whiny and start calling for brew and coffee and food and other things! _Everybody ties me to the chair? Freaky mate, very, very freaky. Oh man I'm much too tired to be babbling… Forgive me this crappy chapter babble, I'll make sure I'm awake next time, I just wanted to get this up before I started getting hate mail!_

Bleak Reality: It's gonna take me a while to get used to calling you that mate! Yeah, I never saw anyone doing it (the fire thing) either and though well Why the _ not? I'll give it a shot! WTF? Yeah I know it's not a word, but I say a lot of things that aren't technically words, particularly in the morning… Urf? Hooga! Boogaloo!!! Hee hee, evil feline that I am, I had to tease. I loved that line too, goes without saying I drew it from something again… I am enjoying the life out of my coffee, although the brew kits coming a close second! Hope that the next installment is as eagerly anticipated!

Missy-Chan: I know, trust me I felt guilty that it took so long, I'm pretty busy with work but I'll try to make the next one not so far away…

The Reanimated Raynor: Hey mate, I thought of a new and very, very huge evil plot twist the other day and I recalled that you liked those, so… Just don't hit me when it comes ok? Because yes, it will involve a cliffy… Even though I said I wouldn't do that again! (Why am I telling you guys all this? Because at this stage it looks like it's gonna be either next chap or the one after, I might even have to make it a double chap post to get it right, and no, you won't like it, and yes it's a huge bad bad thing and I wanted to give some warning before you read it and coming looking for me!) (Oh yes, and I'm a huge tease, that too…)

Righto 6am now, time to go to work. See you all when I can.

P.S: She who must not be named: Can I be 'The claw'? Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh?


	23. Someone's been sleeping in my bed!

I think the wheels fell off in the last chapter! I have now re-attached them, with tighter bolts this time. Thanks to all who liked it, but c'mon, it was a bit ordinary. Sorry! Reasons? Tired, sick with flu, missing bits of fingers, trying to get chap up before Ja started sending me e-mail bombs! Flying a bit high with having gone off on a tangent and written the next big twist, I guess I felt compelled to share it with you. The ending isn't for a while yet ok? And the twist doesn't involve anything that can't be overcome. So apologies for going on like a roaring manic depressive doofus, I guess I was just excited that I'd actually had an idea! (God help you all if I actually ever do something really exciting!) Anyway I've decided to extend the life of this fic by putting off said twist for a while, 'cause the ending'll come a couple of chaps after and I'm (Hugs fic madly) not ready to let go just yet!!! Right then. Onwards and upwards!!!

Disclaimer: *looks up* You honestly need me to tell you I'm not the great one after reading that twaddle???? Sheeeeshh!!!!!!

23: Someone's been sleeping in my bed!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ginny's Pov:

"Just slightly." I respond in my classic style, pathetically grateful that she's come over here to rescue us. I can see Bill and Charlie in the corner of my vision, settling down near Harry at the table. Charlie looking up at me knowingly, a both questioning and confirming expression on his face. Guess he's figured out exactly who we're talking to then. He doesn't look thrilled by the idea I must say. Ah well, I can almost understand that, I mean Jen's like nearly three years older than me, just about as big and more than a little scary looking to someone who doesn't know her I guess. Heh, maybe it's that commanding presence, the air of knowing exactly what she wants and not being afraid to go get it. Poor Charlie's probably envisioning me in the jaws of a lion or something. The big brother thing kicking in automatically, wanting to save me from someone who appears much stronger. But what I don't think anyone realizes is that, if I would want _anybody_ by my side as I was taking a last breath, if there was anyone I know who'd get me out of the hole, it wouldn't be Jen Greene. But you put the two of them side by side and I bet you'd chose her, not understanding that strength isn't always about force of will, or physical prowess. Sometimes it's something quieter and deeper that makes a person stronger than the rest. And this small woman next to me possesses it by the bucketload. But anyway. I looked over at Jen, who was leaning against the doorway, casually munching a small roll with a faintly amused expression on her face. Bet you ten Galleons I know what she's thinking. Knowing her it'd be some concern and a great deal of voyeuristic interest, kinda' like 'this'll be fascinating. I might watch.' Jen's like that. I'm glad of the time I had with her, of the things I discovered about myself through her, but damn it'd be awful to be with someone who just let everything happen, good or bad, so they could see what the effects'd be. I'm not sure that being such an avid student of human nature is such a good thing y'know? Particularly if you're just gonna let it all slide around you and not do squat to change what you can. Don't get me wrong, if Ron decided to come over now and start throwing hexes at me, she'd intervene. But that's all she'd do and she'd let some of it happen first so she could have a good look. Aw, let's get out of my head for now.

"It was pretty appalling yesterday." Hermione pipes up. "I don't know how it's going to be today though."

"Sure as hell can't be worse." I offer. Jen lifts an eyebrow.

"How did he find out?" I laugh and give Hermione an appraising glance. _You wanna tell her, or shall I?_ She grins at me and plunges right in.

"I told him." Jen claps her on the shoulder in admiration, incredulous.

"You did? I'm impressed."

"Well we'd been snogging away happily when Bill and Charlie found us. So I guess I was all fired up from that little scene when Ron came along. I didn't even know I was going to do it fully until it came out. Surprised us both I think." 

"In no small way." I have to agree. "Charlie tells Ron he's gay and then all of a sudden I hear this voice saying 'it would appear these days that I am too.' I thought I'd stop breathing then and there."

"And then?" Jen leans forward.

"A rather large bomb went off." Hermione says, a touch of exasperation in her voice. "What do you think happened? He freaked. He went off his banana; to put it mildly, blaming both of us in turn, convinced I'd done it just to piss him off. And then he accused Gin of betraying him."

"Huh, as if I hadn't had _that _thought a million times before. Anyway it all seemed to go on forever." I muse quietly "But it lasted maybe, ten, fifteen minutes. I felt like I was dying, like I'd have to from how painful it all was. And I probably would have…" I look down and smile. "If it wasn't for this one here saving me yet again."

"And Harry. Don't forget him. What he did for both of us."

"He came to check on you?" Jen opens her mouth surprised. "Guess he's not that self-obsessed weirdo I thought he was." I put my hand on Hermione's arm to stop the snappy retort and I hope my expression conveys what I'm thinking. But it probably doesn't so I duck down to her ear quickly and whisper.

"It's ok; she can't know him like we can. Don't make an issue of it now." And I raise my head up again to find Jen still eating, watching us quizzically.

"So, if I may ask, have you thought at all about what today might bring?"

"Only constantly." Hermione shoots. You know, it just occurred to me that having these two in close proximity for an extended length of time might not be such a hot idea. She's still stinging from the past day's events and Jen's detached cynicism won't be helping her mood at all. Oh yes, and she's well aware that I've seen Jen naked. That's probably not helping much either. I'm trying to figure out how to get us quietly away from here, when amazingly I hear an almost repentant tone coming from opposite me.

"I didn't mean it to sound as if you hadn't. I simply meant to ask if you needed any help at all, or someone to talk to about it."

"I feel kinda' all talked out right now Jen." And I sense Hermione stiffening next to me, as if the use of her name has evoked images she doesn't really want to think about. Shit. I thought she was ok with what happened. Bloody stupid of me really. To think it'd be that easy.

"Hooray for that." There's a lazy voice behind us. "So if you're finished with my girlfriend, I think we'll leave now. I've better things to do than listen to your problems, amusing as they are." Good god, he's a dumbass. I wouldn't have the courage to speak to either of them that way. Jen rolls her eyes.

"Draco," She moves over and kisses him lightly "Do something for me?" He looks up at her, bored. She licks his ear. Oh man that's gross.

"Maybe." An insolent toss of the head.

"Piss off." Ok, maybe it was worth my heaving stomach to hear that. He scowls but does so and Jen shrugs at us. "He's pretty. He has no sense at all, but he is pretty. Shame he's such a bimbo. Ah well, I might keep him around a bit longer. He's good at a few crucial things." Then she looks at me funny and I'm praying, don't say it; don't say it, knowing exactly where she's going with this. She shrugs again.

"But eh, so were you. With brains though." Crap. Well that did it. She said it. Hermione's reaction is instantaneous, an arm snaking possessively around my waist, pulling me in tight and close. There's a sudden burst of hushed gasping, because _that_ was not a friendly gesture in the slightest. It was a crystal-clear, forceful claim. Bloody hell, this woman likes dropping us in the shit. It's weird. I always thought she'd be more cautious then me, but so far she's been jumping in boots and all with me having small heart attacks every five minutes at what's coming out of her mouth. What the hell, if my entire family now knows about us, we might as well throw the whole school in for good measure. Get it over and done with right? But bloody hell babe, you're going to kill me with all these surprises soon. Jen holds her hands up, laughing wickedly like she knows exactly what she's just done.

"What? I can't say what's true?"

"I'm not denying that Jen." She says smoothly and evenly with an undercurrent of danger in her voice. "I'm simply reminding you that you are _not _going to find out how true it is again." Jen pouts and scratches her head.

"So you're saying we aren't all going to go skipping off into the wood together after class? Damn shame." She grins "That would have been interesting." Ouch baby, stop squeezing me like that, you're cutting off circulation to my upper body. I hear a noise behind us and turn to see my beloved brother storming out of the hall. Bill and Charlie looking apprehensive, facial expressions clearly saying '_Don't go too far, too soon.' Well, duh guys. I __know that. I give them an apologetic glance, trying to say back 'Hey, it ain't me.' But if Hermione chooses to go this way then I've gotta go with her. We're in this together. I have to believe that; more than ever now. Even if every single being in this room is now staring goggle-eyed at us. Maybe I wasn't kidding before when I said I'd follow her into Hades. But bugger it; does she have to actively seek out the entrance?_

"_What?_"  Jen, goddammnit, don't go opening the lid of this particular powderkeg. I know that's what she's trying to do, you see, to find out how far she can go. Aaargh, I do not need Jen's taunting mind games this morning. But I can sense something from Hermione, as if she understands the game and is simply rising phenomenally to the occasion. Never mind that I know full well that Jen'd absolutely love it if hell froze over and Hermione actually said to her 'ok then, let's go' dragging me behind her. One more experience for the scoreboard. But I'm partially terrified that she _does realize that too. Ooh I'm gonna catch fire later for this. _

"What, what?" Jen asks indifferently, now absently examining a nail. "Can't blame me for having a go, can you?"

"You... are …absolutely… totally…" Hermione spits out at length. "Morally repugnant, completely nauseating, utterly repellent and I will _never_ understand how you could have been…" Jen leans down and pats Hermione on the arm, causing her to quite thankfully choke on what, lets face it, we _all_ know she was about to say. And also to stare down at her arm in shock, like there's some poisonous beast resting there instead of a very well manicured hand.

"Playing with you, you know." 

"Huh?" We both say simultaneously. I hope to hell and back that's it, now she's got out the underlying feelings she may have had towards Jen and indirectly me, for what we did, now she'll be able to see Jen for who she is; a charming, but calculating opportunist. 

"Oh for fuck's sake." Jen snorts, "Do you think I would seriously make a proposition like that to the girlfriend of someone whose friendship I actually value? Shit Ginny, you disappoint me." Then she straightens and flashes a wry smile towards Hermione, holding out her hand again. Except this time she means it. It's genuine. "You're really very good. I'm extraordinarily impressed."

"Glad to know I pass muster." Hermione states sarcastically, but takes the proffered hand anyway. "All that was just to check me out?" Yeah, I thought that might have been what was going on. That's what Jen does. Tests you to see if you measure up to what she thinks you are. Except in my case she did it by sticking her tongue down my throat. But let's not share that information with Hermione right now eh? I think that Ms Greene here has already established that she's a bloody mountain lion when you get her steamed. No more proof needed for one day.

"Partially. Not entirely, but pretty much." She lets go of me finally and wipes her forehead.

"I don't know whether to admit how much I enjoyed the verbal sparring, or to give in and attempt to throttle you."

"Why don't we agree to a draw then?"

"A _draw_? Who says I didn't win? Hang on, hey come back here." Jen's already turning away, motioning for us to follow her outside. I take the opportunity to race over to the table and grab as much food as I can carry; by the time I've got back to Hermione, Jen's laughing again and muttering to herself as she watches us approach.

"Exceedingly good, you know. Got a bite like a tiger shark. But come, let's go sit in the sun and plan how you two are going to get through the next few days." 

Hermione's Pov:

It's hard to believe, that this time two days ago I was fending off Ron and worrying about how much trouble Harry was going to cause if he had a mind to. It's even harder to try and think back three weeks before, pre-Christmas. Two and a half weeks, lord it feels like eons. But hadn't I known longer than that? I mean I had, right? Yeah. I had. I look over at Gin, her eyes slightly askew, face gone pinkish and I know that I can't keep wondering about how the hell we got to this point. We're here now. Besides, I guarantee you that if you could see someone who looked like _that after you'd pulled them into an alcove and given them a kiss to be getting through the day with. Well… let's just say it's very, very satisfying. It's a good feeling, knowing you can affect someone that way. And it makes you stop worrying, even if temporarily, about much else. I trust she knows that I'd look exactly the same way if she ever decided to drag me off somewhere and snog the life out of me without warning. Ah well, I live in hope. I actually think I'd like that to tell you the truth. Hold that thought for a second. Gin reaches over and draws me in, kissing the top of my head lightly and then resting her face there, murmuring huskily._

"Today's gonna be horrific, I wish I could be there with you."

"Like it's not going to be as hard for you."

"I don't have to spend a few hours next to Ron until lunch. You do." Ergh, hadn't thought of that.

"What's your first class?" Oh, I hadn't thought of that either. I look up into her eyes and give her a worried groan.

"Oh _no._ It's not is it?" Shit, three evils in one room with Harry the only possibility of any support. And I can't rely on that too much; it's not fair on Harry if Ron finds out that he already knew.

"Afraid so. Eh, why did I have to go off the deep end like that? Why did I have to bite so hard?" She laughs and holds me tighter, if that's possible.

"Because you're _you_, that's why. You've never been one to do something half-way have you?"

"Agh, so publicly though?" I bang my fist into my head. "Agh."

"That's exactly what Jen was trying to get you to do though. You know that now. To get you to bite, to make you do it publicly. To get us to stop dithering and get it out there. She _was _trying to help, in her own evil little way of course."

"Hmmmn," I rest happily on her warm chest. "Part of me can't help thinking that she was serious though."

"Possibly. I don't think she'd have turned the opportunity down, put it that way. But I doubt that was her motivation, she just likes to throw in twists."

"You wouldn't have wanted to?" I have to ask, even if I might not like the answer.

"Hey," She lifts my chin up. "Look at me. No. You don't worry about that do you? That I might want to go back there?"

"Sometimes." I admit. "It's hard not to. Jen's right there in our faces everyday and sometimes I look at her then I look at you and wonder what the hell you're doing with me when you were with her before." As soon as I've said it, I'm aware of how real that is for her too actually. So I'm not surprised when she replies.

"You know, I could say the same thing though Herm when you think about it. You're about to spend most of the day right next to your ex. Who happens to be my brother. But I'm not going to get even more paranoid by worrying about it. We're here, aren't we?"

"In a big way." I respond, rubbing my hands over her shoulders. "I would never have guessed anything could feel like this."

Oh?" She teases "And how would that be exactly?" I laugh and touch a fingertip to her nose.

"Like I'm part of something bigger than both of us. Like before I was floating alone in an ocean of nothing and now I'm drowning in you. It staggers me, how huge this is."

"I think I better make sure it never gets any smaller." She chuckles and touches her lips to mine lingeringly. Oh yeah. Like that.

"You're oxygen Gin. I don't know how I'd breathe without you now. Every time I'm away from you, I'm recalling when we're together. I got to sleep last night by imagining you were there until I could almost feel you, smell you; warm and safe next to me." She takes a deep breath and stays silent for a while.

"You are…" She starts, and pauses. "_Wonderful. In the truest sense of the word."_

"Yeah?"

"Uhuh." So Gin's leaning with her back up against the wall, head ducked down slightly to avoid hitting the stone archway with it, holding both arms around my middle; me half-laying on her. In a darkened space with only a curtain for protection, it's as if we're utterly alone. No-one else exists. We _have_ to go to class soon, but it's so nice just breathing here with her. Then Gin suddenly straightens without relaxing her grip, causing my feet to leave the ground by several centimeters.

"I wish I knew how to make this less painful for you. I still feel like there's more I should say, more I should offer you Hermione. Your life would be a lot more drama-free if it wasn't for me." I immediately glare up at her to charge down that guilty frown she'll be wearing, but it isn't there. Instead she simply looks sad and concerned, placing a hand on my cheek and leaning down to kiss me again.

"I love you. I don't want you to ever have to go through anything bad if I could prevent it. But this time it's just the fact that I do love you that's causing the friction and it's frustrating that there's no way to get around that. Because I couldn't stop if I tried." She sighs heavily into my hair. "I don't want to be the source of any hurt to you, even indirectly." Oh my god. I mean oh bloody hell Gin. The things you can say. I feel like I've been struck by lightning. It meant more to me than I could probably begin to explain.

"Maybe sometimes it's worth it."

"The pain?" She buts in.

"The love." I beam back at her. "Since I couldn't stop if I tried either Gin." She nods, swallowing briefly and curls me up into her arms. Feels like it's worth anything that's going to get thrown at me today.  

"We should get moving shouldn't we?" She says deeply and starts to pull back the curtain.

"We should." I agree. "Being late for this particular class will only make things worse. Don't feel like letting you go though."

She steps outside the alcove and takes my hand in full view of anyone who'd care to watch, bringing me out slowly. 

"So don't." And I'm delivered a final kiss; a little private bubble of a moment where there's only her and I, even though there must be a good few people out here in the corridor. Then she turns me around and sends me steadily on my way away from her, standing hands in pockets as I walk reluctantly backwards to my class. She smiles softly, lit by morning sun.

"Ever."

My god, was that fluff? Did I just write fluff? Oh dear…. *Adjusts image* "Fluff? Fluff? I never wrote any fluff. No sir, not me, not good-old 'love is a poisonous creature' me. Goodness, what's happening to me? Not only am I growing my hair, I'm happily writing fluff! I think I should start to get worried soon. Anyway.

Do not ask me where my head was for that last chap. I'm not sure. I really must learn to take my time I think. Well, it's holiday time again soon, so I'll have more time to focus instead of writing it dog-tired when I get home. It's not good to write chaps when I'm still buzzing from work anyway; my head's the size of a volcano. I think I can get away with anything. But unfortunately, I can't! And the babble last time was just shocking. Honestly I'm annoyed with myself. You guys deserve good-quality babble I say!!! But I tried to make up for it with a longer than usual chap, and I promise I'm on track for a quicker update so… what do you say? Forgive me? *Charming pout* 

jessi-rose: Um, thanks? I really had problems with the last chapter, so I guess I'm glad you liked it. I certainly don't consider myself brilliant, more of an after-work hacker really, but I'm glad the emotions are coming through right. I just try to draw from a lot of the weird stuff I've done. Hmmn, boarding school. I think my oldies wanted to send me to one of those once, but I thought it was a great idea, so I guess they figured anything I thought was a great idea couldn't be good! (Damn!) I never snogged any of my brother's gfs either, we had, thankfully quite dissimilar tastes! Anyway, hope this stays a good read until it's done. 

P.S A goddess even? Wow, last time I got called that was for giving one of the guys at work a cup of decent coffee so he didn't have to drink that powdered crap. But it sounds much better that way, even if it's not entirely true. Thankya Thankya...

ShhItsAsecret: Here you go then mate! Soonish for me anyway.

Sexybexy: Thanks dude!

Ja: You know mate, the holidays aren't 'till October. I hope to have another chap out by then, and hopefully two or three during. It's ok, I wasn't offended by the chair thing honestly, it just reminded me of something said to me once! Almost the same wording too, so I was like 'whoa!' anyhow… Sorry mate, I know you liked that chap, but I thought it sucked. Still, thanks for saying so. Aw, sorry for shooting my mouth off about the twist. I just couldn't control myself! _Relax!_ I've postponed the ending a few chaps longer, and it wasn't for a while anyway, I was simply happy I'd finally thought of it so I've some vague idea where I'm going. Happily ever after? Well, we'll see. Life doesn't work that way very often, but eh I guess this is fiction, so we'll see. Maybe. Heheheh. Update on fictionpress? Hey mate, I've put more up there since I got back then since I became a member! Erk yeah well, some of it's in need of more work (That's the desperately in need of re-writing crap I was referring to before) Oh, you mean Heat, yeah? It's coming. I just had to stop and write in a new antagonist! But before October, I promise.

Blake: Thank goodness I can call you that! That's much better! Well mate…. (Looks over shoulder) the inner west is a big place mate, you could be looking for quite a while you know!!!! *Laughs evilly* Again, I'm happy you liked it, but really, I found so much I didn't like about last chap. My head was off on another planet I reckon! Anyway, hmmmn, kinda' wish I'd kept my trap shut about twisty bits. Honestly, I should learn not to be such a 'talk first, ask questions later' girl! Well, I'm not gonna tell you what it is but I will say I've worked an incredibly tiny hint into this chap about it. Shoot me later.

P.S, I'm fine. Occupational hazard. It's weird you know, I burn myself in minor ways at least once a week and never bat an eyelid, but I cut myself maybe once a year. This time I got my finger confused with a bit of bacon for the Caesar salad and… whoops! Sliced the side off! So of course I always freak out because it happens so rarely. But it's fine, looks a bit weird in the growing out stage until the nail comes back, but I'm assured that all will be normal soon. Aw mate, thanks for worrying. That was nice of ya!

P.P.S Who told you I was totally-incredibly-unbelievably-sensitive ticklish?????? You could get my wallet out of me by just threatening to do it! (But maybe not my phone!) Heheheh

Nirvanagurl1220: Hey thanks! Glad it's cool. Think I've got the reins of the plot again, but yes, thickening is def on the agenda!


	24. Chapter 24

Ok Ok, I know its been six years and we are all older and hopefully wiser now! What can I say, six years ago a woman came into my life who changed it completely and saved me from the abusive relationship I was in when writing this. And I know I let this go but have beeb thinking a lot about it lately and now do intend to work more and finish it now I have my words back. Thank everyone who kept the faith, hopefully update soon. I do want to finsh it. x


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